Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Cats need deodorant, too!

In the Merchant of Venice, Shakespeare's Shylock said, "If you prick us, do we not bleed?..." I say, "If you keep us in a hot and humid home, do we not sweat our balls off?"

I can hear the gasps already! I hope it's because you are shocked someone would keep cats (of royal descent, I might add) in a hot and humid home and not because I said "balls." If it's the former, I say, "BRAVO! You have a conscience!" If it's the latter? Get over yourself! I never promised a G-Rated blog.

So, I am sweating my balls off this summer! Blame it on the Hurricanes Dennis and Emily, call it "Global Warming," or even "El NiƱo, Part Neuf." I just call it SUMMER. It's part of my cycle of bitching. When it's too hot, I complain. When it's too cold, I complain.

What I just don't get, though, is why someone hasn't invented a deodorant for cats. WE HAVE FOUR ARMPITS, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE! Do you not think we get a little gamey, ripe, pungent and putrid? Have you ever just smelled something especially rank, only to be mortified upon realizing IT'S YOU? I have...and it's far more embarrassing than finding you forgot to have your litter box scooped and feline heads-of-state are arriving for a visit in mere moments!

Here's my plea: Will someone hook a sister up with some underarm delight? While I have the intellect and vision to invent a feline deodorant, I don't have the time (with all the napping, eating, rubbing my face against things, begging for treats, evading the press, setting up booby-traps in the shrubbery for the paparazzi, and napping).

While you're at it--and I'm asking on behalf of a friend--you might want to look at feline "feminine" deodorant, as well. It's not for me! My friend was just asking...


Anonymous said...

Maybe you should check out Massengill. It's made especially for pussy-cats!

haileyscomet said...

Hi Kukka! I'm a freezing feline in my home. What is the matter with your Mother? Where is the AC lady? I am an only child. I'm VERY selfish. Brach looks cool but I'm not too fond of boy cats. I like girls to gossip with. Love your webpage! All the love, Hailey