Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Cats need deodorant, too!

In the Merchant of Venice, Shakespeare's Shylock said, "If you prick us, do we not bleed?..." I say, "If you keep us in a hot and humid home, do we not sweat our balls off?"

I can hear the gasps already! I hope it's because you are shocked someone would keep cats (of royal descent, I might add) in a hot and humid home and not because I said "balls." If it's the former, I say, "BRAVO! You have a conscience!" If it's the latter? Get over yourself! I never promised a G-Rated blog.

So, I am sweating my balls off this summer! Blame it on the Hurricanes Dennis and Emily, call it "Global Warming," or even "El NiƱo, Part Neuf." I just call it SUMMER. It's part of my cycle of bitching. When it's too hot, I complain. When it's too cold, I complain.

What I just don't get, though, is why someone hasn't invented a deodorant for cats. WE HAVE FOUR ARMPITS, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE! Do you not think we get a little gamey, ripe, pungent and putrid? Have you ever just smelled something especially rank, only to be mortified upon realizing IT'S YOU? I have...and it's far more embarrassing than finding you forgot to have your litter box scooped and feline heads-of-state are arriving for a visit in mere moments!

Here's my plea: Will someone hook a sister up with some underarm delight? While I have the intellect and vision to invent a feline deodorant, I don't have the time (with all the napping, eating, rubbing my face against things, begging for treats, evading the press, setting up booby-traps in the shrubbery for the paparazzi, and napping).

While you're at it--and I'm asking on behalf of a friend--you might want to look at feline "feminine" deodorant, as well. It's not for me! My friend was just asking...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should check out Massengill. It's made especially for pussy-cats!

haileyscomet said...

Hi Kukka! I'm a freezing feline in my home. What is the matter with your Mother? Where is the AC lady? I am an only child. I'm VERY selfish. Brach looks cool but I'm not too fond of boy cats. I like girls to gossip with. Love your webpage! All the love, Hailey