Monday, October 31, 2005

It's alright...'cause I'm SAVED BY THE BELL!

Sorry for the time between posts! I've just returned from my acclaimed USO tour.

What an amazing trip! For those of you who don't know, I was able to book the entire "Saved By the Bell" gang to tour with me. I'll publish my daily journal later of the trip's events, but for now, take a peek at exerpts from the program:

Mr. Richard Belding will be telling sexually explicit and
polically-incorrect jokes to open the show.

Zack Morris, Screech Powers and A.C. Slater
will be singing high-flyin', hand-clappin', foot-stompin'
patriotic songs in three-part harmony.

Kelly Kapowski, Jessie Spano and Lisa Turtle
will bring the soldiers to their feet with their erotic, pre-holiday
tap dance extravaganza!
They call themselves, "Ho, Ho & Ho."

"The Amazing Kukka-Maria" will make herself disappear
beneath various transparent items!
You won't believe your eyes!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Thanks, IAMS!

I just received an email from IAMS titled "Speak Feline. How Does Your Cat Communicate?" I loved their presentation:

Notice the astrisk after "comfortable or relaxed"? The footnote at the bottom of the page tells a different story...

This is sort of like the rapid-fire disclaimer at the end of the an infomercial:

"Batteries not included. This offer open to qualified buyers only. Offer void where prohibited. Penalty for early withdrawal. Limit one per customer. You must be present to win. Prices subject to change without notice. Oh, and your cat might be really happy or really sick."