Friday, November 11, 2005

"Dear Kukka...", Volume IV

I've clawed the mailbag open...let's see what we've got!

Q: Kukka, do you have a "to-do" list? If so, what's on it?
A: Yes, I have an agenda. Here are some snippets for your reading pleasure:

  • Disrupt my mom's sleep by walking back and forth on her body, whining, throwing random items off of her dresser and nightstand, and plucking at the carpet.
  • Pluck at the carpet when I'm standing within 1-2 feet of the scratching post.
  • Sleep.
  • Whine for treats. Be persistent...the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
  • Join my sleeping brother, Brach, in the living room chair. Pretend I want to lie there with him, but then poke and prod him until he decides it's best that he vacate the chair (read: MY CHAIR) and allow me to get my beauty rest.
  • Walk back and forth against my mom's legs. It makes her feel good and believe that she is somehow in charge of me.
  • Sleep.
  • Attempt to open the lower cupboard doors in the kitchen. Even though I do not have opposable thumbs, I find that if I try and try (while allowing the cupboard to continuously slam against the base), eventually I will succeed in opening it and can sit in the dark with the bag of potatoes in peace.
  • Whine for treats.
  • Climb on top of the kitchen cupboards and chew on the fake plants that align the ceiling. When my mom looks at me sternly, pretend they have nutritional value and that I am completely justified in grazing.
  • Pace back and forth in front of the entertainment center. Create a workable strategy on how to climb to the top--purely for sport.
  • Press against the laundry closet doors until my mom yells to me to stop. Continue until she gets the spray bottle out. Try one more time after that.
  • Sleep in the basket under the piano bench.
  • Chase fake mice toys around the house until they end up under the couch (there have to be about 10 of them under there at any given moment).
  • Pace back and forth in front of my mom on the couch until she catches my drift and invites me on her lap.
  • Whine for treats as if I haven't had anything to eat in days. Even though she will clearly say "No," she will give in.
  • Watch my brother romp on the freshly cleaned bed sheets while my mom is trying to make the bed--have some respect, Brach!
  • Sleep.

Q: Kukka, what do you want to be when you grow up?
I'm already an Empress...what more do you want from me!?

Q: Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
: What's that? Brad has never been the same since I broke his heart. Quit asking me such dumb questions!

Q: Kukka, how do you avoid shedding hair all over the house?
: I concentrate on rubbing against select items, like my mother's clothes when she lays them out for the day. This way she will take most of it right out the door when she leaves for work in the morning.

Thanks for the letters...keep them coming!


Mojo the Dog said...

Kukka-Maria -

You are so naughty - my mom almost peed her pants reading your hijinks! I hope she laughs as hard when she sees I got into the garbage again. Ha ha!!

See you soon!


moseskitty said...

My people have thawrted my sheadng habits. They got furniture and carpet in a similar color to my fur.

Laurence said...

I'll redirect some letters to Mohammed to you at some point. ;)