Friday, November 18, 2005

Interspecies Love

Dear Mojo the Dog,

I have been fighting my feelings for some time now, but I feel today is the day I must tell you I love you.

I remember the first time we met. You bounded into my home, completely unaware that I was standing on the other side of the doorway with my back arched and hissing. The look on your face was adorable as you recognized the threat and scrambled to get as far away from me as you could.

Later that same night, I'll never forget how sexy you looked from behind as I chased you through the living room. When the chase ended with you running into a wall, I said to myself, "I will never forget how cute he looks at this very moment." You looked at me, eyes rolling to the back of your head, and I was smitten!

I know that a relationship like ours will have challenges--both internal and external.

I have several concerns. For one, I will never understand why you find it socially acceptable to potty in public. I've offered you my covered litterbox, but you refuse to use it for anything but a dinner plate. That brings me to my next point: What is it that causes you to crave the taste of my feces? You are one kinky bastard, kinky bastard!

Darling, while I think you to be noble, I have to admit that the fact you are not of royal descent is of concern to me. While I do not consider myself a snob, I do think I'm better than most creatures and do not like to associate with commoners (it's bad enough I live with a human woman and an adopted feline brother who has no idea who his birth parents are). And before you bring up the fact that I'm an EXILED Empress, check yourself. I still have the breeding and, if I can find my way back to my empire, I'll regain my title. You know something? I'm not sure I like your defensive attitude around this. This is definitely a "red flag" for me and could possibly blow up into a larger issue down the road. For now, though, I am going to ignore the entire breeding issue because you're too damn cute!

As for the external challenges? I know we will never be free to walk the streets, hand in hand, in peace. First, I don't know that we have the hind-leg strength to walk long distances on back twos and I also don't think we could really grasp one another's front paws due to our opposable thumb deficit. Secondly, I don't know that I can handle the critical stares from outsiders who judge our love.

I can almost hear them now:
"A cat and dog? There is something un-GOD-ly about that! Cover the children's eyes!"

Mojo, I watch TV and read the papers. I know how this country feels about same-sex marriage...I can only imagine the challenges we would have as an inter-species couple. I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with that.

And what of our offspring? I don't want our litter of kit-pups dealing with the incessant teasing from their peers at the park or on the dog walk. I know we will do an amazing job of instilling solid self-worth and confidence into our litter(s), but that will only take them so far. Even the strongest get beat down at times.

I'm afraid our love could never be, Mojo. I don't know that it is strong enough to carry us through.

Know, my darling, that when you come to my house and you see me across the room with my back arched, I am trying to burn my love into you with my intense stare. I will be wishing that the world will someday change and we will be free to love.

Until that day, you have my heart.

The Empress


chuck said...

"arf arf arf"

moseskitty said...

I have no problems with inter-species relationships. It's STUPID DOGS I have a problem with.

Go play in the street where you belong flea boy.

Chloe said...

Oh my. I am touched by this unrequited love you and Mojo so delicately share.