Thursday, December 29, 2005

Do I look fat in this collar?

Mom received an email from Iams today that asked, "How Can I Tell if My Cat is Overweight?" She immediately started talking about New Year's Resolutions (whatever) and asked if we were ready to start a "new food regimen." I farted, blinked slowly, and turned my back on her.

While the article had some good tips and tricks, I thought I would attempt to answer that question on my own.

How can I tell if my cat is overweight?
  • The skin keeps swaying long after she has stopped walking
  • No amount of brushing can arrange his fur to disguise his bulging pot belly
  • She has to lay down on the bed and use a coat hanger to fasten her collar
  • He is constantly asking to "super size" his kibble order
  • When she climbs onto the opposite end of the couch, your end lifts off the ground like a teeter-totter
  • He needs you to lift and place him on beds, chairs, and couches because there isn't enough room for him to get a good running start
  • When you turn your back for a moment, your sandwich disappears from your plate and all that is left is a cat, licking her chops
  • He politely asks you to lick his butt because he can't reach it

What do you think? Do you have any other tell-tale signs?

Let's hear 'em!!


Laurence said...

He contracts out the job of cleaning his ass.

Derby said...

Yeah, this works. But I can still reach my nether regions to clean. So I am not fat, regardless of what my Grampie thinks and says.

PleadingThe5th said...

She sits on her little sister, who completely disappears under her voluminous fur covered fat rolls, setting off panic in Mom, who thinks the little one has escaped the house.

Patches & Mittens said...

TED (The Evil Doctor) says his scale doesn't go that high.

Chatham said...

Okay, so I can't clean so well. I'm just not very limber anymore. I'm 18, for pete's sake, give me a break! (but not a bath!)

srp said...

When more cat parts hang outside a standard size sleep bowl than are curled within it.

Gigolo Kitty said...

When he sleeps on a queen size bed, there is no room for anyone else to fit in.

PrincessMia said...

KM, you inspired me to consider my own weight issues, which after consideration I decided that I have none. Thank you!

Magoo, Smudge, Bella & Dolce said...

You cat asks you to dye his fur because stripes make you look larger.

K T Cat said...

She catches lots of birds and brings them in to you. Then one day you noticed that they weren't caught, but dragged down towards her by her massive gravitational pull.