Tuesday, February 28, 2006

"Technically", They're Still Oscars

by Brach

I refuse to stay silent about a topic as important as this one: It is an insult that The Scientific and Technical Academy Awards are held in a separate ceremony. As a brainiac myself, it hurts me that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences feels that offering up a "separate, but equal" ceremony is acceptable--nay, appropriate!

The widely acclaimed films and the actors' performances contained within would not exist without the ingenuity, tenacity, creativity and vision of the virtuosos behind the cameras. Yes, the actors' performances are notable and should be recognized, but without brilliant technical efforts, it would be like displaying the Mona Lisa in your dimly lit, damp basement!

And what is with the "token starlet" who is chosen each year to present the awards to these brilliant wizards of film? Imagine a conference room, filled with suits. One dude says, "Well, if you think they'll be offended that we are sticking them in the back room, we can always parade a hot, little Hollywood number in front of them. These geeks aren't used to seeing someone that beautiful up close!" Are these accomplished technical minds supposed to feel lucky that a glamorous fashionista (like Rachel McAdams, this year) took time away from jet-setting, signing autographs and dodging the paparazzi to toss some crumbs their way? HISS!

Let's talk about these "crumbs." Aren't these the OSCARS? Where are their statuettes? From the official site (the only edits I'm making is bolding and underlining the parts I feel are noteworthy):

"In addition to eleven Technical Achievement Awards (certificates) and six Scientific and Engineering Awards (plaques), Gary Demos received the Gordon E. Sawyer Award (an Oscar® statuette) and Don Hall received the John A.Bonner Medal of Commendation."

A single Oscar statuette. The rest came away with pieces of paper or a polished piece of wood with their name engraved. Why not just buy some old bowling trophies at a garage sale to recycle!?

So sad...so sad...

In closing, I feel these cinematic heroes are short-changed. Giving them inferior awards at an second-class ceremony is a slap in the face. Giving them a booklet of McDonald's gift certificates and a hearty hand-shake may be a step up.

Damn the celebrities and all the bells and whistles that accompany them!

by Kukka-Maria

If you dress a nerd or geek up and parade him on the red carpet, dear Brach, he is still a dweeb. Why would you want to subject the adoring public to a horrible sight such as this?

I've always thought the true measure of a man is how handsome and photogenic he is--not how "smart" or "creative" he can be. What is wrong with you that you don't agree?

Consider Albert Einstein. His hair was dingy gray and wildly unkempt. Do I want to see that on my television...uh, no. Yes, he was brilliant and yes, he set the scientific world abuzz with his theories and findings, but don't you think the man could run a comb through his hair once in awhile?

You're just jealous that you are only invited to the Oscars this year because I invited you as my guest. Suck it, Brach. You and your pencil-necked friends can watch me on the red carpet on the TV in the basement of one of your egghead friend's MOTHER'S HOUSE!

Glamour is a state of mind...not a state of brain. Deal with it, because you are now officially un-invited to the Oscars.


George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Does this mean you're going solo?
Is there no man good enough to at least kiss the hem of your designer gown while gazing up at you with adoration?

Kukka-Maria said...

Wow, The Crew brings up a good point!

I'm going to have to find a new date--someone who won't buckle under the pressure of running into my ex-boyfriend, Brad Pitt, and his new hussy, Angelina.

Talk about AWKWARD...

PrincessMia said...

Oh dear, oh dear. Who to pick as your new date? You should have your people check with Timothy Dickens' people, the Gold Metal winner in Olympic Speed Skating and Pawtraits Champion. He's on top of the world right now.

Fat Eric said...

Psst, Brach! I've started a new club for ginger kitties and you can join if you like! Check out the link to Gorgeous Gingers at my blog! Hope to see you there. (I do hope Kukka doesn't take it badly that she doesn't qualify for admittance to this gang either...)

Derby said...

Brach, I agree with you. All of those fancy, pantcy stars wouldn't look as good as they do without the technical people. The lighting, clothes etc. Give them a statue.

Kukka - you may just have to go solo. Most boy kitties have big enough egos and won't play second fiddle to you.

Les Trois Chats said...


William said...

Brach, you can come to my house to watch. My mom won't let me go.