Monday, March 20, 2006

And a sink that would run all day and night!

I need my own place. My patience is quickly running out when it comes to sharing a home with my mother and brother.

My brother seems to think it's appropriate for him to sleep in the spots where I want to sleep! At first, I thought, "Hey...ok. So he is warming up the spots for me! I can kick him out when I'm ready to sleep there!" I'm growing tired of having to micro-manage the situation. And what is up with the new game of hiding behind the wall when I walk down the hallway and jumping on top of me then running away? So immature!

Speaking of micro-management, when it comes to my mother, that is all I do! "Mom, it's time to give me some treats. Mom, the litterbox could use a little scoopage. Mom, when you can find a few minutes to tear yourself away from caring only about your own welfare, I would appreciate a few scritches behind the ears."

When I finally get my own condo, things will be wonderful!
  • I'll have treats littered around for convenient and frequent consumption.
  • I'll have a hole in my condo through which I could hang my butt and do my "business" so it wouldn't be inside and I won't have to wait for someone to clean it up because it will be out of sight/out of mind!
  • I'll have my own bed and bedroom that won't have buff-colored fur strewn all over it. I'll sleep there any time I want and won't have to worry about breaking a nail in the midst of sending a "very strong message" to any "trespassers."
  • I'll have a laundry closet that will be open so I can explore 24/7. I will never have to work to open the closet doors!
  • I'll have a catnip dispenser on the wall--with choices of fresh and dry--that would be voice-activated. When I say "Catnip...NOW!" (or the equivalent in MEOW), it will distribute the perfect amount.
  • I'll have a robotic "human-like" hand affixed to the wall that will wiggle its fingers so I can walk back and forth under it to fill my love-tank.

Getting my own place is definitely the right thing to do...I just don't have the means to fund the project. I don't want to get a 9-5 job...what empress would? And, last I checked, exiled empresses are not usually the recipients of large inheritances.

I have been approached with a lucrative business opportunity, but I am not at liberty to share the details until my lawyers have solidified the deal. I can tell you it involves me being a spokesmodel for an innovative and useful product that many cats need.

I've already said too much!

14 comments:

Les Trois Chats said...

We are waiting excitedly to hear about your newest venture, sweet Kukka... Whatever it is, I'll buy it!

~ moose

William said...

My mom has all my money in what she calls the Cat Trust--maybe I could buy a condo for you!

All I need is a ride to the bank. Can you pick me up?

Kukka-Maria said...

Moosey and William! My two favorite boyfriends are the first to comment!

Moose: Your loyalty to me and whatever product I am peddling is commendable! How do you know it's not a feline feminine hygiene product? Maybe tampon toys for cats! Ah...knowing you, you'd buy them anyway! What a man (you are one now, after all...

William: Shoot! I don't know how to drive and my mom fired my personal chauffer to cut costs (she claimed it was an "extravagant expense" since I'm not allowed out of the house anyway).

I really think this spokesmodeling opportunity is going to pay out BIG TIME, William! When it does, I'll charter a plane and come get you for a gourmet dinner! Shrimp, chicken, and tuna as far as our eyes can see and as far as our stomachs can stretch!

Bonnie said...

Wow, Gemini is impressed with your vast amounts of influence... She's never even considered some of the wonders that you would like and is way beyond the idea of having her own place.

Georgia, however, thinks it's a great idea and is planning her own escape.

As for Cheysuli.. well, she's selling her own line of products and has hope...

The Meezers said...

we like the wiggly fingers thingy idea. we would buy one or two. or seventeen. - Miles

Fat Eric said...

As you know I don't really approve of you badmouthing your brother quite so much, Kukka - us ginger guys have to have some solidarity, after all.
However, I must say, WOW!!!! I just took a look at the Kitty City - that is the ULTIMATE piece of cat furniture and I SO WANT ONE!!! Now I just have to work out where I get the money from and how to get it shipped to London. Hmm.

Patches & Mittens said...

If all goes as planned, maybe I could come and stay and we could have a slumber party.

Beau Beau & Angie said...

We are interested in your newest venture also. We are jealous that you have oppurrtunities. We can't think beyond tomorrow and eating, and playin, and mmrreeowing. We have lots of ideas though!

Derby said...

Can you meow the word, 'mortgage'. That is what you need.

Bombay said...

Ooh... what's this innovative purrduct you'll be endorsing?

Is it a furry big waterfall for us cats to drink from, with boulders made of yummy biscuits?

Is it a canopy bed made entirely of catnip with four scratching posts?

Or maybe a magical food bowl that will never empty however much we eat from it???

Edsel/The Pooch said...

Kukka - i have been lookin' for an 'nvestment oppurrtunaty so let me know if your spokescat thing doesn't work out. of course, i would have to get my safe deposit box key away from my Mom.......

Gigolo Kitty said...

Make sure you have a good agent of the type who chews on nails and snacks off broken glass. Then you are sure of a great deal and that fabulous condo.

Buddy said...

I would like to introduce myself Miss Kukka-Maria. I am Buddy and I have been inspired by your beauty and grace. Please visit my shrine er, um blog.

Luna said...

never is so much!! I miss you in my blog =^^=