A few weeks ago, my
They scheduled me for a photo-shoot during which they captured one of the most stunning images of me ever caught on film. Several days later, they sent a mark-up of the magazine cover to us for our approval. Things seemed to be moving right along.
Earlier this week, the litter-covered crap hit the fan. My agent received a phone call from People Magazine's legal team. Apparently, I was being stripped of my title because of a legal technicality. The feature is called the 50 Most Beautiful People--and clearly, I am not a person. My agent immediately called our legal team to strategize.
Our first thought was to argue that I was really human. We quickly nixed that idea when we had trouble explaining away my excessive body hair, vertical pupils, pronounced ears at the top of my head and long tail. We finally agreed that we would demand they change the title to the 50 Most Beautiful Creatures. My people called People's people, but they wouldn't even entertain the idea. Bastards!
While they refused to grant me permission to post the magazine cover mark-up, they did release the proofs from the photo-shoot. So, without further ado, may I present the photo that should be gracing the cover of this year's People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful Creatures: