Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Unleash the Lion Within!

Does your breeding prevent you from sporting a luxurious coat of fur?

Has over-licking spots on your body caused bald areas?

Are you a brand-new kitten covered with embarrassingly exposed skin?

Do you hide when company comes over because of hideous feline-pattern-baldness?

LOOK NO FURTHER! We've got the solution!!

It's called "Whisker-Well®!*"

I'm Kukka-Maria, world-renown blogger and newly-appointed spokesmodel for Whisker-Well. Just when you thought you were destined to spend your life in the shadows due to your hair loss, Felis Catus Laboratories has developed an astounding and remarkable hair-replacement serum that is guaranteed** to grow real hair*** in only 7 days!****

I know what you're saying! "But, Kukka, it sounds so complicated! I don't understand scientific mumbo-jumbo!"

Then take a moment to read a testimonial from just one of the several satisfied Whisker-Well customers!

"My name is Harry*****. As a Sphynx, I have endured years of ridicule due to my absence of hair. I've even been asked to leave my own kittens' birthday parties because I was scaring their friends! My wife heard about Whisker-Well and suggested I give it a try. After applying the slow-drying and extremely sticky solution to my skin 18 times a day, I saw remarkable hair growth in only 7 days! Now my kittens are proud to be seen with me and they call me their Handsome Devil of a Dad. Thanks, Whisker-Well!"

Harry is among several Whisker-Well customers who have seen remarkable results from the short-term use****** of Whisker-Well.

If you have feline-pattern baldness, hair loss on or around your hind quarters from over-cleansing (photo omitted due to "questionable content) or hairless breeding, contact us to learn more about Whisker-Well! Even if you want to enhance the hair you already sport, Whisker-Well is the answer!

Invest in you. Invest in Whisker-Well!

You'll be glad you did!*******

* Whisker-Well should NEVER--and we mean NEVER--be applied to the whiskers of a cat. It should NEVER be applied to the face at all! In fact, it's best that Whisker-Well not come in contact with the skin in any form. If contact occurs, immediately wash with an anti-bacterial soap.
** Any explicit or implied guarantees are only used in this informercial to push provide more product and are in no way to be considered actual promises.
*** In this case, the term "Real" should not be construed as "authentic" or "genuine," but merely a strategic choice of words for this promotion.
**** Any terms used to describe the passing of time are interchangeable, as deemed necessary by Felis Catus Labs. For example, "years" can be substituted for "days"; "squillions of centuries" can be substituted for "years."
***** Testimonial names and images have been changed in concordance with stipulations spelled out in a class-action lawsuit against Whisker-Well and Felis Catus Laboratories. This class-action lawsuit is in no way connected with the legal activity against Felis Catus Laboratories relating to their ALLEGED supply of steroids to major league baseball players.
****** Long-term use of Whisker-Well (in excess of 1 day) can be hazardous to your health. For your safety, allow 3 years between rounds of treatment.
******* No, you won't.


Chatham said...

Toooooooooooo FUNNY!!

WIBlondie said...

Does it work on dogs?

Athena said...


Boni said...

Phew! I'm glad I don' thave a hair loss problem. I don't like sticky things.

Buddy said...

Midnight needs this product desperately!

Puss said...

Hi Kukka. I just wanted to introduce myself. I am Puss aka Boo-Boo. Love your blog dear. Keep on kicking butt!

Kukka-Maria said...

WIBlondie: I tried contacting Felis Catus Labs to ask about the effectiveness of Whisker-Well on dogs, but no one will return my phone calls.


Puss: Welcome! Thanks for stopping by and have no fear, butts will continue to be kicked, my friend!

Gigolo Kitty said...

Excellent product! Poor hairless kitties can now have hair naturally rather than relying on those awful Toupees!

DEBRA said...


T'anks for bringing this well needed product to all poodins who are hair challenged.

**ABBY(the manx)

Knightly, Lizzie, & Firenze said...

Uhmmmm, us Monsters will stick with our own fur.


PrincessMia said...

Ohmygosh, um, I think my beandad needs it. Is there a human version?

Kukka-Maria said...

Princess Mia: From what I've read on the bottle of serum, direct contact with human skin will cause festering blisters and boils. I wouldn't have your dad risk it!

Petey said...

I must have laughed a squillion times. You are too much Kukka-maria.

Sara said...

Herbert spent some time as a blonde as well. Don't ask about the raisins.

K T Cat said...

LOVE IT! :-)