Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Laser Pointer Mayhem

by Brach

Holy crap...I love the laser pointer so much, I can't even stand it! While I'm still not clear how it works, I do know that my heart starts racing, along with my feet, when I see the glowing, red dot race across the carpet.

I don't know laser's origin and, though I've tried running studies to link its arrival to certain times of day/night and weather patterns, I've never been able to predict its comings or goings. What I do know for sure is that when it shows up, it runs from one end of the house to the other without so much as a minute break! I pant and pant from the strenuous work-out, but once those endorphins kick in, I can pretty much chase the blazing beam for hours.

The red dot taunts me. "Brach...can you catch me?" it will ask.

"I sure as hell can!" I reply. "Get ready to be Brach-o-lized!"

That magical, little light eludes me every time. Even when it stops and I pounce, I somehow come up empty-pawed. I am confident, though, that with practice, I will hold the dot in my paw one day.

Yes, I will have you one day, laser beam!

There is nothing quite as satisfying as chasing the...WHOA! There it goes! Got. To. Chase. Now.

by Kukka-Maria

Yeah, chasing a red dot around the floor is not my idea of a good time. Don't you think I have better things to do than to salivate and gallop after a glowing red circle? Uh...yep.

First off, while Brach (the brainiac) hasn't yet figured out where the laser comes from, I have. I watch Mom sit on the couch, chuckling to herself as Brach mindlessly chases the laser. She will wave her arm around, steering the beam across the floor, over the couch, up the wall and across the ceiling--all in the name of "fun." Wise up, Brach! She is trying to make a fool of you!

Second, I can successfully predict when the laser pointer will be brought out. Hearing Mom tell someone that Brach and I are "getting pudgy" and that we "need exercise" is a dead give-away. Another solid indicator is when we beg for attention and she is too lazy to get down on the floor and play with us. Apparently, she thinks that the lazy-woman's-toy is an adequate substitution for love (how's that for emotional manipulation?).

Yes, I've been known to trot after the laser from time to time, but it's only when Brach gets tired and I feel sorry for my mom as she sits, waving the laser around without anyone chasing it. Someone has to stroke her fragile ego! Rest assured, though, on those rare occasions when I chase the beam, I'm always dainty and graceful in my pursuit--unlike Brach who sounds like he is tearing up the floor-boards with his clumsy hunt.

In conclusion, I feel laser pointers are an insult to the feline intellect. Do you want to keep me entertained? Give me the latest copy of Vogue! Let me watch as you polish my tiara! Rub my belly as I lie on a diamond-encrusted pillow! Pleasing me is not that hard...just keep the laser pointer in the drawer, thankyouverymuch.


The Meezers said...

although our mommy doesn't have one of those laser thingies, we would prolly act like brach. we can't resist chasing things.

DEBRA said...


I agree with you sister..oops I mean Empress. Chasing is for my brofurrs and sisfurs. I sit and regally watch. But, when I feel like knockin down a few, outta the ways boys and girls... Abby's in town.

I mean um... I do have a wilder side. :-)

**ABBY(the manx)

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Hmmm...learning about the pros & cons of the laser chase, we can't decide whether to ask Mom for one or not. Max would probably like it since he chases a mirror reflection around, but I think I've matured beyond that.

The Crew

Kelly Cat said...

I'm with you, Kukka-Maria. My human brought home a laser toy, but I wouldn't chase that silly thing. Just watched it. Of course, my little brother Nicky chased it all over the place, but he's got more energy than sense.

DecemberFlower said...

My cat would probably agree with you, Kukka-Maria. As far as a laser-pointer goes, she could take it or leave it. But when it comes to this furry blue catepillar I brought home for her over spring break, it's a totally different story. Best dollar I've spent in a while. <3

(Thank you for the link, by the way. :D)

Les Trois Chats said...

This sounds like one of those things MOOSE would just LOVE. He's got the brain power of a pea. I chase things daintily, too - when I'm in the mood. Mom just goes berserk cooing over how adorable I am. Of course I'm adorable! I'm a cat!
~ turtle

Bonnie said...

Oh my Geogia, Gemini and Cheysuli all love the lazer pointer. Brach wouldn't have a chance with Chey around, she's such a piggy about getting it. That's the point though--she never quite gets it does she? It drives her bananas!

one of us said...

I need a lazer dot ~Poi Mom Jane