Monday, April 03, 2006

Stewie Hearts Kukka-Maria, Likes Pizza

This weekend was incredible! My mom agent went out of town, leaving Brach and I with the house completely to ourselves! We took full advantage of the freedom.

After breaking into the treat cupboard and raiding the premium catnip stash, Brach and I spent hours buying Pay-per-View features on TV. My favorite was "Wrestlemania 22," while Brach preferred features off of the Spice Network. I guess it's because he is a huge paprika fan. The television kept making this "Cha-Ching" sound every time we would buy a program. I'm not sure what it was, exactly, but because we were stoned on the nip, it made a giggle a bit.

Right in the middle of Wrestlemania's "Money in the Bank Ladder Match," we heard a knock at the door and a small voice shout, "Pizza delivery!"

We hadn't ordered pizza...yet.

Curious, yet a bit afraid, Brach and I cautiously approached the door. "We didn't order any pizza," I shouted.

"Catnip delivery!" yelled the voice.

"What are you talking about?" I responded.

"I have a diamond tiara for you," replied the voice. A diamond tiara! Holy crap! I couldn't get the door open fast enough!

StewieThrough the screen door, I saw a small hedgehog, looking at me pensively. "Excuse me," I said, "Where is the tiara?"

"I have no bling, Kukka-Maria! It's just me, Stewie, coming to hang wit cha!"

It was my stalker! "Stewie!" I exclaimed in my best and most dramatic soap opera whisper. "What are you doing here? Haven't you read the restraining order?"

"You're my boo, Kukka! Let me in...I just want to lay some prickly kisses on you!" he bellowed, shaking his tiny fists in the air.

"Well, then, come on in. We're about ready to order pizza," I responded, opening the door.

Over a pepperoni, pineapple and black olive pizza, we listened as Stewie told us his sad tale. Because of his sharp quills, he has spent his lonely life trying to get close to others, while enduring constant rejection. "I can get no love, baby!"

"Well, Stewie," I said, "I will consider you a friend if you can tone down the affection a bit. Some of the notes you sent scared me a bit."

"Right on, Kukkizzy-Marizzy. I am picking up what you're throwing down!"

"That's not to say I don't love your 'I Y Kukka' tattoo..." I coyly confessed.


We watched the rest of Wrestlemania and fell asleep, spooning, on the couch. Despite experiencing the business-end of his quills due to his incessant desire to snuggle with me, I am pleased to have yet another friend--who worships me.

While Brach likes Stewie well enough, he says he is still going to be sleeping with one eye open--not because he wants to protect me, but because he thinks he might be allergic to hedgehog dander.

I know you are wondering...yes, Mom was pissed when she saw the pizza boxes, ripped treat bags, and damage to the couch from Stewie's quills.

I can't wait until she gets the cable bill...


George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Oh my. How could anyone so cute be a threat?

Re. the cable bill, just get to the mail before your mother does. That's the best way to handle it.

Bonnie said...

Hedge hogs have dander?

Gemini's with the crew--get the cable bill first... she'll never know.

Brach said...

EVERYTHING has dander!

beingmccrary said...

Nothing like spoonin' on the couch with a "good friend" like Stewie but beware bathroom countertops!

Les Trois Chats said...

Kukka, leave it to you to end up spooning with your stalker... I still think he shoulda made good on that tiara, though. That kind of teasing is just wrong.
~ tammara

Gigolo Kitty said...

Just tell Mom that pay-per-view was Brach's idea. Poor Stewie! He looks like he got the short end of the stick - you are so good to be kind to him.

Beau Beau & Angie said...

Well if Stewie worships you then you may just havta put up wif him being around. Make Stewie pay the bill.

Derby said...

A hedgehog? Stewie, is a hedgehog? Man us ginger kitties can take him if you want to have him disappear. If you know what I mean.

If you don't get to the cable bill before the mom, tell her you had to order pay-per-view, to keep Stewie under control. For your own safety.

Edsel/The Pooch said...

hey Kukka, can you dance?

PrincessMia said...

Be careful, dear Kukka, Stewie seems a little unstable, and prickly.

one of us said...

Are you sure Stewie is quite, um, stable as Princess Mia put it? If you want PI "Fig" Marscipone can do a back ground check for you. Never let your guard down even for an "admirer". Hmmm... ~Poiland Rodentia gang