After breaking into the treat cupboard and raiding the premium catnip stash, Brach and I spent hours buying Pay-per-View features on TV. My favorite was "Wrestlemania 22," while Brach preferred features off of the Spice Network. I guess it's because he is a huge paprika fan. The television kept making this "Cha-Ching" sound every time we would buy a program. I'm not sure what it was, exactly, but because we were stoned on the nip, it made a giggle a bit.
Right in the middle of Wrestlemania's "Money in the Bank Ladder Match," we heard a knock at the door and a small voice shout, "Pizza delivery!"
We hadn't ordered pizza...yet.
Curious, yet a bit afraid, Brach and I cautiously approached the door. "We didn't order any pizza," I shouted.
"Catnip delivery!" yelled the voice.
"What are you talking about?" I responded.
"I have a diamond tiara for you," replied the voice. A diamond tiara! Holy crap! I couldn't get the door open fast enough!
Through the screen door, I saw a small hedgehog, looking at me pensively. "Excuse me," I said, "Where is the tiara?"
"I have no bling, Kukka-Maria! It's just me, Stewie, coming to hang wit cha!"
It was my stalker! "Stewie!" I exclaimed in my best and most dramatic soap opera whisper. "What are you doing here? Haven't you read the restraining order?"
"You're my boo, Kukka! Let me in...I just want to lay some prickly kisses on you!" he bellowed, shaking his tiny fists in the air.
"Well, then, come on in. We're about ready to order pizza," I responded, opening the door.
Over a pepperoni, pineapple and black olive pizza, we listened as Stewie told us his sad tale. Because of his sharp quills, he has spent his lonely life trying to get close to others, while enduring constant rejection. "I can get no love, baby!"
"Well, Stewie," I said, "I will consider you a friend if you can tone down the affection a bit. Some of the notes you sent scared me a bit."
"Right on, Kukkizzy-Marizzy. I am picking up what you're throwing down!"
"That's not to say I don't love your 'I Y Kukka' tattoo..." I coyly confessed.
We watched the rest of Wrestlemania and fell asleep, spooning, on the couch. Despite experiencing the business-end of his quills due to his incessant desire to snuggle with me, I am pleased to have yet another friend--who worships me.
While Brach likes Stewie well enough, he says he is still going to be sleeping with one eye open--not because he wants to protect me, but because he thinks he might be allergic to hedgehog dander.
I know you are wondering...yes, Mom was pissed when she saw the pizza boxes, ripped treat bags, and damage to the couch from Stewie's quills.
I can't wait until she gets the cable bill...