Thursday, April 20, 2006

When the cat's away, the mice...WAIT! You know what I mean!

Mom went to out of town again. That is twice in the last month! Suddenly, I'm curious as to what she could possibly consider more important than tending to my every need. In fact, I've noticed she leaves the house every day for at least 8 hours! What is going on with this woman?

I'll let Brach, the super-sleuth, launch his independent investigation so I can focus on more important things, like how to wreak as much havoc as I possibly can before she comes home.

I know that it's risky to detail last night's debauchery here, since I suspect my mother reads my blog on occasion, but it's too good to keep to myself. I'll tell you this, though: If my mom grounds me from blogging again, you, dear fans, are going down with me! It's your insatiable hunger for the intimate details of my life that drives my blogging initiative. Consider yourself warned!

Here's what Brach and I did last night:

Wednesday, April 19, 2006
5:17 pm: Mom leaves. I watch as she pulls out of the driveway and make a beeline for the bathroom, where I notice she has inadvertently left her hairbrush. To prove my point that it's easy for anyone's hair to get on the furniture, I pick her loose hairs from the brush and scatter them over the chair in the livingroom. Who is shedding now, lady?

6:41 pm: I nap. Do you realize how difficult and exhausting it is to pick hair out of hairbrush without opposable thumbs?

7:53 pm:
I set Mom's alarm clock back one hour and set the alarm for 3:00 am. Oh, this is going to be good...

8:07 pm: I lie on the new, red couch. I stretch and roll back and forth in an attempt to leave as much of my hair on the new couch as I possibly can.

8:31 pm:
Being the rebel I am, I call some friends on my cell phone--before my free night/weekend minutes begin! I invite Mojo (our family canine friend), Stewie (my stalker hedgehog-turned friend) and Sheldon (the door-to-door salescat) over for a get-together. Each of them brings a few friends--some of whom are not housebroken, but I don't worry. After all, isn't carpet quite absorbent?

8:48 pm: Brach hoists me onto his shoulders to get to the food/treat cupboard, so we serve snacks to our party guests.

9:21 pm: My team wins a heated game of charades. I don't want to sound like a snob, but the dogs aren't too good at that game. They always forget you're not allowed to talk, so they always lose their turn because they whine, bark or drool (the drool ban was a rule I implemented at the last minute--just because it's gross).

10:39 pm:
Mojo's cousin, Stevie (who is quite a large dog), gets a little tipsy and playfully, yet a bit aggressively, grabs Stewie (who is a baby, itty-bitty hedgehog) in her mouth and runs around the room begging anyone who will listen to play catch with her. At this point, we realize the party may be getting a little too crazy and we should probably wrap things up.

10:45 pm: The police respond to a noise complaint from the neighbors and knock on our door. Everyone hides in the bedrooms and I open the door. I give them my sweetest and most innocent "Meow...meow...meow." They totally buy it and leave, saying, "How in the world could a sweet and extraordinarily gorgeous cat like that be causing so much noise? I think the neighbors are on drugs!"

11:03 pm: Everyone leaves, claiming our party was the best they have ever attended and I am the most beautiful and charming hostess they have ever encountered. I won't say which part, but I may have exaggerated some of that.

11:20 pm: While Brach plays with some toy mice (he always gets wound up later in the night), I apply Saran Wrap to the top of the toilet bowl so that, when Mom gets home, she'll make quite a mess! I also put Vaseline on the toilet seat--just for added fun. This will teach Mom what it's like for us to have to go to the bathroom in a litterbox that hasn't been scooped in 2 days!

11:58 pm: We go to bed--what a day!

We have a full 24 hours until Mom returns, but to be honest, I think I'm just going to spend the next day sleeping. It takes a lot out of a gal to throw an excellent party about which dogs, cats, and hedgehogs will be talking for years to come.


Gemini said...

Uh oh! Kukka-Maria that's what got me in trouble. I didn't even do the toilet seat thing either! We just partied!

K T Cat said...

Sounds like a wild time! Did you break out the catnip, too?

PrincessMia said...

Sounds like a good time was had by all. Wish I could've been there.

ps - mad bad link on the Saran Wrap tip.

Kukka-Maria said...

Thanks for the tip on the Saran Wrap link. Fixed it!

Beau Beau & Angie said...

You was having just too much fun! We'll have ta member ta do some of those things when our Mom's goes away on bizness next time.

William said...

So what I want to know is why weren't any of your homeboys invited to this alleged "party."

Kukka-Maria said...

It was a spontaneous thing, William. I really wanted to invite the Tomcat stable--because I always say that the party doesn't start until my stable arrives, but I wasn't sure how my former flame (Mojo) and my current flames would mix.

Mojo was in a foul mood that night because his mom was traveling with our mom and he had to spend 2 days at another friend's house (I suspect it's because he can't be trusted to not pee on the floors). When he's in mood like that, it's best he doesn't interact with cats he doesn't know well.

You're too valuable to me! I couldn't risk having you mauled, William! I promise, the next time my mom goes out of town, I'll totally invite you (and not the dogs)!

Forgive me, sweetie?

Zeus said...

The party sounds like it was unforgetable fun! I'm glad that Brach and you had a terrific time!

However, I wanted to point out that my human pet has been visiting The City of Outside for eight to twelve hours, and I am as bewildered as you as to what our pets could be doing. Perhaps I need to investigate more training for her so she comes home when I want her to come home.

I will also try the Saran Wrap and Vaseline for the litter-bowl, and let you know if it works for me!