Well, the gig is up. Mom came home yesterday and found her copy of "Gone With the Wind" on the floor, next to the bookshelf. Brach was supposed to put it back after our rehearsal, but forgot. And you wonder why I long to be an only child...
She confronted us about the book and, before I could deny anything, Brach confessed it all. How we've been reading Gone With the Wind for months. How we've started rehearsals this week for our own production. How he feels he is miscast as Rhett Butler because he doesn't want to have to kiss me and feels Margaret Mitchell's death is not reason enough to avoid a re-write. I can't believe he is willing to deny his craft just because he doesn't want to kiss his adopted sister! He says he gets "sicked out" by it. I told him that I get sicked out when he feels compelled to sniff my ass, but I press on.
But I digress...
I know what you're thinking: If cats can perform Gone With the Wind, why keep that a secret?!
I guess you've never met my mother/agent. When she heard Brach tell her how we had a tailor come to the house to measure us for costumes on Monday, she giggled with glee and clapped her hands. "I want to direct! I want to produce! I can't wait to tell everyone I know that we are going to do a summer stock performance in our own back yard of Gone With the Wind!"
Yeah. Great. I can see it now...
Scene: Back yard.
Characters: Mom (director/producer), Kukka-Maria (Scarlett O'Hara), Brach (Rhett Butler)
Mom: Okay, babies! Let's get going! We have only 2 days until we open. Kukka, can you please stop rolling around in the grass in your gown? I really need you to focus right now. Let's take it from 'Sir, you are no gentleman.' Places! And...ACTION!
Kukka O'Hara: Sir, you are no gentleman.
Brach Butler: And you, Miss, are no lady.
Kukka: (Breaking character) Ok, see...I don't like that at all. Why is he insulting me?
Mom: Scarlett insults him first. He is just responding to what you have said to him. Kukka, if you keep interrupting the scene, you will be restricted from treats again. I'm the director. I'm the boss. Quit questioning the script. Quit questioning my direction. Oh, and I got your memo, requesting a private dressing room. DENIED! Let's scrap this scene and move on to where Rhett leaves Scarlett.
Brach: That's my favorite! I get to cuss!
Mom: Places! And...ACTION!
Kukka O'Hara: Rhett! Rhett, where are you going?
Brach Butler: I'm going back to Charleston, back where I belong.
Kukka O'Hara: Please, please take me with you!
Brach Butler: No, I'm through with everything here. I want peace. I want to see if somewhere there isn't something left in life of charm and grace. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Kukka O'Hara: No! I only know that I love you.
Brach Butler: That's your misfortune. (Brach turns to walk away)
Kukka O'Hara: Oh, Rhett! Rhett! Rhett!! (Watching Brach walk to the gate. Running after him, she catches him before he leaves.) Rhett... if you go, where shall I go, what shall I do?
Brach Butler: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
Mom: And...CUT! That was good. Let's try it again! The squillionth time is the charm.
And...VOMIT! We were doing so well on our own and now Brach's mouth got us in trouble. We are going to be in rehearsals all summer! No time for snacking. No time for napping. UGH! We've now given the nazi stage mother directorial power.
Oh, well. I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.