Thursday, May 18, 2006

Oh No She Di'int!

In fact, she did! Nicole Kidman, I am putting you on notice!

How dare you call me last night and ask me to be a "Flower Kitty" at your wedding to Keith Urban. How. Dare. You.

When you called last night, I knew it was to talk about the upcoming nuptials. I expected you to ask me to be your Maid of Honor, sing, or even perform the ceremony (I was ordained as a minister on the internet). You ask me to be the Flower Kitty? Really? You may have well asked me to clean toilets at the reception.

I know it makes you uncomfortable that Tom calls me every once in awhile. Keep in mind, I met you through him--he was my friend first. Having said that, though, you have to know I have always liked you best. When the two of you broke up, who was there drying your tears? The Empress. Who let you cry on their shoulder? The Empress. Who helped you throw eggs at his gate? The Empress. Who even convinced him that jumping on the couch on Oprah would do nothing but make the public see him as a giddy romantic and not at all a fool? You got it!

And you do me like this?

We've done everything BFFs do! We've stayed up late at night talking about boys, done one another's hair and make-up for red carpet appearances, lunched at The Ivy, shopped Rodeo Drive, and anonymously called Page Six to report erroneous celebrity gossip--just for shits and giggles!

I don't know what to say, other than I am hurt. I don't understand your thought process. I thought we were closer than Bride and Flower Kitty. I mean...seriously, Nicole! You expect me to walk down the aisle with a basket of flowers tied to my back? Come on! The tabloids will have a field day with that!

I ask that you reconsider your position on the Flower Kitty deal. For our friendship. For me. Please. I don't want to drag this conflict into the media--I don't think either of us needs the bad press, but I may have to in order to save my reputation.

Consider yourself on notice.

11 comments:

Zeus said...

I think this is just proof that Nicole Kidman is a specieist. Why does she think you're only good enough to carry flowers on your back when clearly, you could have been one of her bride's maids?

I bet she thinks you have fleas, and that's the reason she has you reserved to being merely a flower pusher. Most speciests think that. I bet she is spreading that gossip thick as sin right now too. You better keep your ears open, and read the headlines to make sure she's not badmouthing you behind your back, Kukka.

Gigolo Kitty said...

Oh Kukka, you can't trust celebrities (except you of course darling!)

Cruxley said...

Have some compassion, Kukka my sweet. She is probably just worried that you will overshadow her, the bride. Of course you have way too much class to do that intentionally, but you might not be able to help it, especially if you are decked out as maid of honor, standing with the wedding party in front of everyone. Nicole has been through a lot and may not be thinking clearly, what with all that Australian country music banging around in her head. Take the high road -- I'm sure you will be the most beautiful and charming flower kitty to ever toss a petal.

DEBRA said...

Flower kitty?Kukka after all you done for Nicole?? I don't believe that she could stoop so low. Do you deserve this? Absolutely not. All of your friendship and loyalty and this is how she repays you! HA! She better rethink the maid of honor role and realize that only the Empress would grace that role with the dignity required.

*ABBY(fumin' at Nicole)

Gemini said...

I think it's horrible that you could be relegated to flower kitty! She probably wants to make you wear some stupid ugly cutsie dress rather than something that flatters your figure too. As Zeus said, speciest...

The Meezers said...

Kukka, she does not deserve your friendship. She does not deserve another minute of your thoughts. She is an insecure speciest _____ (werd my Momy does not allow me to say).
Miles

K T Cat said...

It should be over, Empress. O-V-E-R. Nicole is nothing without you.

Let her come crawling back after her star has fallen. Unless she's got a 200# tuna under each arm, I'd kick her sorry butt out on the street again.

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Kukka, you are too good for her and certainly don't need to put up with such shabby treatment!

Aloysius said...

If you're ordained as a minister, why not come over to the Church of Catymology and give us a sermon? We welcome all cats and catted ones!

William said...

She is obviously too insecure to be a real friend, Kukka. All she probably really wants from you are your beauty tips! And even if she got them she obviously still couldn't hold a candle to you. I say she isn't worth the bother.

beingmccrary said...

What a biaaaaaatch!! And the only reason I have not asked you to marry me and my Fiance is because the paparazzi are already going to be in full force, I don't need the choppers hovering above. But if you could disguise yourself as a priest, then I will consider it. Let me know.