Before I begin, I want to thank you for taking this photo of me to post with my letter. I think everyone can see now where you get your stunning beauty...
I would like to take this opportunity to congratulate you on the one-year anniversary of your blog! I am proud of you for sticking with it for a consecutive grouping of 365 days! And, dear Kukka, somehow you managed to make a few
Despite your clear frustration with me from time to time (and how incredibly rude you can be in expressing said frustration), I have enjoyed reading your posts and getting a glimpse of the inner workings of your very
Instead of this:
Mom: What, Kukka…
Mom: What do you want?
Mom: What is wrong with you? What do you want now?!
Mom: No, Kukka! You’ve had enough treats today!
It could be as simple as this:
Kukka: Mom, can I have some treats?
Maybe learning to speak English should be a goal for you over the next year. You will be 7-years old soon. I don’t want to put pressure on you, nor unfairly compare you to other 7-year-olds, but…by 7, most daughters can talk properly. Just a thought.
In closing, darling, I am proud of you. Your partially true and mostly factual accounts of your life, family and friends are exceptionally mediocre and, at best, moderately entertaining. As a cat, you are a role model (albeit foul-mouthed). As an Empress, you are regal and worthy of your title. As my baby girl, you are a mother’s dream.
Oh, before I forget! If I were you, I wouldn’t ask what I’m getting you for your first blogiversary. In light of the assault you unleashed on the new bag of food last night, consider the fact I resisted the urge to pick you up, balance you on one palm and whip you out of the kitchen gift enough. And don’t blame those teeth marks on me. I think it’s completely appropriate for me to leave the food bag on the counter while I bring in the rest of the groceries. You had food in your bowl and you had just eaten treats! Was it the fact that it was "Weight Control" food that set you off? I hate to be the one to tell you this, sweetheart, but you are a little...how shall I say this politely..."corpulent." As a royal in your empire, you may have been hand-fed grapes and fanned with palm fronds, but in my house, you need to exhibit more self-control.
You know, though, if you were the perfect cat, you’d have nothing to write about and you wouldn’t make it to your second blogiversary. Darling, Kukka, I hope you continue your trend of being perfectly imperfect so I can continue reading about your luxurious and glamorous life.
I love you,
Your favorite mother
(as determined by an independent study)
P.S. While you refuse to acknowledge the blogging contributions of your brother, Brach, over the last year, I want to honor him with a shout-out. "What up, B-Rock?! Way to lay down some mad posts this last year--and congrats on stickin' it to Kukka in the POINT/COUNTER-POINT series. You da man, dawg (not to be confused with DOG)!" I love you, Brachy!