- Mom has been making secretive phone calls at all hours of the night.
- When confronted, she makes no eye-contact, stammers and quickly offers treats as a means of distraction (which you know is odd...'cause that bitch is stingy when it comes to treat distribution!).
- Brach giggles behind his paw every time I enter or exit the room.
- I found a slip of paper--cleverly written in Canadian English (which she knows I can not speak/read/understand). It recognized "Kukka" and "surprised." I hope she remembers the last time I was surprised and how I clawed her eyes out!
- Last night, at 3:00 am, I broke into her voicemail and heard the following message: "Hi. This is The Whole Enchilada calling you back. This weekend works for me. Just call and give me directions and a time you want me there. Also, make sure you pay me in cash. I don't take checks or credit cards. You wanted me to bring at least two friends, right? No problemo!"
Until I can gather more conclusive data, I'm going to assume she is planning a book release party for me. I'm not sure whether or not you were aware, but I released my third book this week--a romance novel called "Feline Love: Story of a Sex Kitten." It was tough to do, but in order to achieve my goal of monopolizing the literary industry, I had to crank out a work of fiction in a mere three days. I definitely don't want to be pigeonholed as a non-fiction author! I had to pose for the cover, because I quickly discovered as I auditioned women for the sexy-vixen model, that no one could match my allure.
Now, I have three books on the NY Times Best Seller List--in four different categories! Take a look. Click on the pic for a closer view.
Yes, she must be planning a star-studded a book-release party (assuming The Whole Enchilada is the new "Hollywood It Boy"). Or she is paying for sex. Or she is dabbling in the underbelly of the mouse-slave-trade industry. Or she is buying catnip and treats on the black-market. Or...the possibilities are endless! Let's just hope she has my best interest at heart. That's all I care about!