I can not believe how disrespectful you are, Kukka-Maria!
Last night, when Mom gave us treats, I attacked one particular nugget that caught my attention. I licked it over and then looked up at Mom to see if she was going to whip some more on the floor. When I looked back at my saliva-moistened snack, YOU WERE EATING IT!!
First of all...GROSS! No matter how much I love, adore and tolerate you, I draw the line at consuming your spit. Period.
Second of all...Did you know that only 2 minutes prior to the treat incident, I was licking my butt? Oh, yes! I licked at my butt for a good 1-1.5 minutes. The fecal residue on my tongue could have powered a small, third-world country (assuming their power comes from poop). No matter! You are a POOP EATER, Empress!
Finally, I am going to have to site a very reliable source to support my case. While last week, the focus was on your literary success with your books, I need to turn the spotlight on my book now.
My book is entitled, "How to Survive Living with a Spoiled Cat who Thinks she is an Empress of Some Sort."
After extensive research on the rules and guidelines that make living you less painful, I discovered there are specific rules around spitting on food.
Article 3.627: To protect one's food and/or treats, one may cover said food/treats with one's own saliva, thereby deterring Cat Cuisine Crime. When food is poured or treats are distributed, one should peruse the collection of kibble, choose the most desirable nugglets and immediately claim them by either: 1) placing it in one's mouth and sucking hard--to ensure the saliva permeates the kibblet or 2) generating and pitching a wad of saliva onto the kibblet. As this is part of the Code of the Cats, it is understood that the nugglet is now claimed and protected.1
I suggest you do a little reading this weekend, Empress. Because of your recent infringement on my rights, it is clear you need a refresher on Feline Protocol. With your royal "title," I would expect you to be the expert on these things.
But until that happens, enjoy eating my poop!
1 Brach Lee, "How to Survive Living with a Spoiled Cat who Thinks she is an Empress of Some Sort," 4 Apr. 2006