- Teleporting felines and all things supernatural make me feel oogie--which is why Mr. Tom Cruise and I no longer date (Scientology=Creepy). That...and the fact he is a selfish lover.
- I don't want to have to share my food and treats with other cats--virtual or actual.
- Finally, throwing my own party is tacky and I am a staunch opponent of the idea that the honoree is supposed to organize their own celebration. Bah!
The official cut-off date for giving me gifts is...well, there is not a real cut-off date. If you want your gift to count toward your blogiversary obligation, then I should receive it by Saturday, July 15--the official anniversary of my blog.
If the gift is late, no worries; I will just credit it toward your birthday gift to me (Aug 30). Understand that if this happens, though, your permanent record will still show a deficit for my blogiversary celebration in 2006, causing you to have to buy 2 gifts next year and incur the appropriate late fees for your tardiness. Clearly you've read that in your contract, so I'm just telling you things you already know! And, of course, if you have questions about the legal relationship between Kukka-Maria (blogger) and [INSERT NAME HERE] (reader), you can always confer with my brilliant legal team, made up of uneducated, yet vicious feral alley cats!
Now that I've gotten the legal mumbo-jumbo out of the way, I am pleased to announce my gift registration lists for my official blogiversary extravaganza! I have registered for the following items:
- Pink Leather Stainless Steel Flask to hold all of my booze. You might want to spring for the engraving, as I am sure to leave it behind somewhere as I'm bar-hopping. ALREADY GIFTED BY MILES MEEZER.
- Thigh-High Vinyl Boots (two pair for all of my legs). While I am sure human ankle boots would hit my thighs, they are not quite as sexy and you know I have to lure more tomcats to my stable...
- Vintage cigarette holder to perpetuate my allure. Audrey Hepburn has nothing on me! ALREADY GIFTED BY BONI, SANJEE, MINI, PEPI AND GREE
- Louis Vuitton pet carrier so I can tote Brach with me on my treks around the world (or at least my treks around the living room). ALREADY GIFTED BY MIA & GHOST AND PRINCESS ZIPORAH
- Oasis Halter bikini top (the Cliffrose Pink looks stunning against my fur). This is on clearance at this point in the season, so I won't feel badly for telling you I have registered for 3 of them to cover all (or most) of my nips. ONE HALTER ALREADY GIFTED BY GEMINI, GEORGIA AND CHEYSULI--THERE ARE STILL TWO LEFT ON MY REGISTRY
- Pink Pet Stroller SUV (inspired by one of my boyfriends, Buddy). With its high-traction tires and Sport Utility Vehicle billing, I am looking forward to doing some rough off-roading in this baby! Two-Tracking and Bog Blasting, here I come!! After all, they don't call me "The Dirty Birdy Empress" for nothing. It is because I go off-roading, right? Isn't that what they mean by "dirty?" Mom! Look into it--I can't afford the bad press!
- Ferrari F430 Spider--just to get me around town. Nothing major. ALREADY GIFTED BY THE AMAZING ZEUS
- Insurance for the Ferrari F430 Spider (for the rest of my life or as long as the car lasts--whichever comes first). You can use any insurer you wish and, other than the fact I don't have a driver's license, my driving record is impeccable. That should make it cheaper.
Just make sure you all sign the card, so I know who to give credit for the gift and I don't invoice the wrong people for flaking out on giving me a gift.
WHEW! With all the preparation I've put into this gift-giving process, I can't imagine why this would not run smoothly!