After an exhaustive auditioning process, I am pleased to say that Wendy Wings has chosen me (among other distinguished bloggers) to join her cast! There were a lot of folks who came out for the cattle call (some of whom are listed in my new Human Blogs of Note section in my sidebar). Along with the very talented empress [cough...me], several other great talents were selected:
- Samantha, from Mommy Needs a Mai-Tai
- Kailani, from The Pink Diary
- Carmen, from Gone to Plaid
- Lil' Duck Duck, from the self titled, Lil' Duck Duck
- Zeus, member of my Tomcat Stable, from The Zeus Excuse
When I say this audition process was exhaustive, I'm not sure I'm really conveying how incredibly tough it was! I mean...it was intense, back-breaking, rigorous and excruciating! The competition was brutal! You should check out some of the competition in the 658 comments Miss Wendy received on her casting call post!
I had to pull out all of my skills in order to gain Miss Wendy's attention--especially since I was vertically inferior to many of the humans with whom I was competing (save 'Lil Duck Duck and my feline peers).
Here are some highlights from my audition pieces:
- I offered a passionate tap-dance number, complete with wild front paw movements (while you did me wrong, Paula Abdul, I did learn a few things from your "Straight Up" video)
- I donned ice skates and performed selected scenes from the critically acclaimed (or critically panned) 1978 movie, Ice Castles--all the while singing the theme song, "Pleeeeeease don't let this feeling eeeeeeend!" Oh, yes...I included the scene where she crashed and went blind (no stunt double, thankyouverymuch) and the scene at the end, when she trips over the roses and everyone realizes she can not see. After that performance, I expect an Oscar nom. Or at least a guaranteed spot on the next Winter Olympic women's figure skating team! "I heart you, Robby Benson...for ever and ever!"
- Zeus and I teamed up to perform a scene from Return of the Jedi, in which Zeus portrays Han Solo to Kukka's Princess Leia. Having just be unfrozen, Han is comforted by Leia.
- Leia: Oh Han, I so love you! I missed you so much! Why are your paws so cold?
- Han: Maybe you need to warm these paws up for me, baby.
- Leia: [dreamily] Oh Han...
- Han: And don't forget my tail either. It needs some extra love...
- I juggled a lit torch, machete and toy mouse--while singing Queen's "We are the Champions." Oh, and I blinked "I AM A GORGEOUS, EXQUISITE AND PHENOMENAL FELINE!" in Morse Code and whipped my tail in a perfect circle throughout. Juggle. Juggle. Tail Whip. Tail Whip. Blink. Blink-Blink. Even I couldn't resist myself after this number!
- I performed my signature "Feline Flatulence Dance," in which I stick my front paws in my armpits, made "questionable" noises, while singing "Oh Suzanna!" I would have actually put a banjo on my knee, but it was so large, it knocked me over!
- Zeus and I teamed up again to perform the famed karaoke duet, "Don't Go Breakin' my Heart." It went very well (he has a lovely singing voice); until I sang the line, "You took the weight off of me..." and was offended that he thought I was too fat. I stormed off the stage and left him yelling apologies to me. It was clear, at this point, the stress of the audition process was taking its toll on each of us.
- Strapping on a banjo and using one of those head-gear-type harmonica holders, I launched into a rousing rendition of "You are my Sunshine." I would have added choreography, but balancing the banjo and harmonica was challenge enough!
- I painted my face white and performed a somewhat interesting mime. Walking in the Wind, Trapped in a Box and Climbing a Rope were my featured moves. Admittedly, it wasn't my best work.
- I did my best Kailani impression (she's a flight attendant), where I went through the pre-flight safety instructions. Maybe it's my lack of training or maybe my lack of compassion, but let's just say any passenger who heard my speech would be dead meat in case of an emergency!
- To show my soft and vulnerable side, I shared how, when I was young empress, I shaved my stomach, donned tassels on my multiple nipples and danced for money. I only did it to support my catnip addiction! That Jamaican Black, Super Gold Thai and Purple Skunk nip had a hold on me! That confession was difficult and tearful (but I think it showed my range--that I can do both comedy and drama).
- I sported roller skates, grasped a lit sparkler in my tail, twirled a baton and jumped on a trampoline, while singing a traditional Hawaiian ballad. Jumping on a trampoline in roller skates? The competition should have been over right then and there!
- And, for the grand finale, Zeus and I performed the well-loved scene at the end of "Dirty Dancing." Although, our version didn't go so smoothly. The song started out well, but when we got to "the lift," my tail got in Zeus' face, which caused a sneezing fit. Unable to control his sneezing, Zeus dropped me on my bodacious bootay which sent me storming off stage, cursing him.
As you can see, being cast was a great reward after a great effort! I think I'm going to sleep the entire weekend away in order to recuperate!
Plus, Brach mentioned something about going to Texas to help Isis investigate some peculiar goings-on around her house. Brach has been itching to dabble in a bit of CSI (Crime Scene Investigation) work, so I hope it goes well.
I know his absence will go well for me, as I will be able to nap--anywhere I choose--without interruption! Plus, if my agent is feeling very generous, I might get some extra treats out of it, as well!
[Drifting off to sleep] IIIIIII've haaaaaad the time of my liiiiiiiife, and I owe it all to yooooooou!