(and not at all conceited)
1. I have an extremely luxurious coat. My grooming secret: Shampoo once a week with a lovely lemon-sage shampoo and conditioner. For daily cleansing, I use my tongue. Occasionally, I'll use a flat-iron to smooth out my coat, and a bit of pomade-- followed by a little schpritz of light-hold hairspray!
2. I am very photogenic. Despite their best efforts, the paparazzi have never…never taken a photo of me in which I have looked less than the super-sexy feline I am. NEVER!
3. I sport perfectly pink paw pads. While some cats spend hours dying their paw pads a perfectly pink hue, I can get up in the morning, give them a quick lick and I’m on my way!
4. My ears are not at all big…any more. While in the beginning, my agent feared I may spend my entire life more closely resembling a rabbit than a cat, I did grow into my now-proportionate ears, which gave hope to felines sporting ginormous ears everywhere!
5. I have a perky pink nose. It’s functional and fashionable!
6. I look great in designer duds. When I walk the red carpet, everyone takes notice of me. Not only are my celebrity human admirers jealous that many of the top designers clamor to custom-design gowns for me (Thank you Stella, Roberto, and Karl!), they wish they had two sets of feet on which to wear their Manolo Blahniks.
7. I have a virtually maintenance-free body! Aside from the perpetual brushings I tolerate during the shedding-days of summer and the bi-monthly mani/pedis to keep my claws trimmed, I am naturally beautiful. No tanning beds. No make-up. No diet/exercise regimes. Nothing. I’m just H…O…T…HOT!
8. I have captivating green eyes. Look into my eyes...look deep into my eyes…not around my eyes…into the eyes. When you hear the bell, you will feel compelled to give me treats. And I will graciously accept them.
9. Two words: Vertical Pupils!
10. I dated Brad Pitt. Yes, he is with Angelina now, but late at night, who does he drunk-dial? You got it…his first and best love. He just can’t get enough of “The Kukka.”
11. I carry a jewel-encrusted membership card from the “Super-Sexy Royal Feline Club” (of which I am founder and sole member). Before you ask, I’m sorry…no. We are not taking applications for new members at this time.
12. I have a Tomcat Stable filled with six super-sexy boyfriends who have professed their undying love for me and have even written songs in my honor! To show my appreciation, I am in a monogamous relationship with each and every one of them! Hey...six intelligent, hot toms can't be wrong!
13. I am amazingly humble. Quit laughing!
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