Thursday, August 17, 2006

Thursday Thirteen, Edition #2


Thirteen Celebrity Cats--Where are They Now?


1. Felix, The Cat. In very early, experimental broadcasts, Felix made his television debut in 1928! While many people have thought Felix was long gone, it is just not true. Retired and living in Boca Raton, Florida, Felix spends his days competing in heated Canasta tournaments. It is quite common to see him sporting a brightly-colored Hawaiian shirt, black socks and sandals (on all four paws). "The delight of spending time with my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchildren is why I get up in the morning!"

2. Morris, the 9-Lives Cat. At the height of his popularity, Morris slutted it up--fathering an estimated eleventy-squillion kittens. Despite the fact his 9-Lives employment contract was legendary, setting the bar for cat compensation in Hollywood, Morris doesn't see a dime of the residuals he earns. Aside from the Kitten Support he provides for his eleventy-squillion kittens, alimony to seven former wives can really impact one's wallet! Today, Morris owns a surf-shop in Hawaii, where he sells and rents surf boards and jet skis.

3. Garfield. After the 2004 release of his self-titled movie, Garfield found himself swept up in the Hollywood life. The demand for his time, talents and likeness is unprecedented. In the animal entertainment industry, he is an icon! Garfield has been romantically linked with Eva Longoria, Halle Berry, and renowned recluse, Jody Foster. Aside from hanging with "his boys," Owen and Luke Wilson, Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrell, "Gar" is currently shopping a screen-play he co-wrote with BFF Ben Stiller. Garfield is living the life he has always dreamed. "I'm in it, baby! I am it! A different cat every night, money rolling into my crib faster than you can imagine, and all the lasagna I can eat! It doesn't get better than this!"

4. Tom (of Tom & Jerry). Overcoming the very interpersonal conflicts that helped the duo soar to extreme stardom beginning in the 1940's, Tom and Jerry have finally reconciled and have become closer than ever! Opening a successful chain of gas stations throughout North Dakota and West Virginia (although the cat and mouse are friends, they find living in the same part of the country puts unnecessary strain on their relationship). Says Jerry, "Aside from him spending countless years chasing me, trying to trap me, and running off with my wife, we are really the best of friends!"

5. Si and Am (From Disney's "Lady & The Tramp"). The seemingly evil twins who vandalized Lady's home in the Disney movie, Si and Am have spent their entire lives trying to change the erroneous perception that they are truly diabolical in their personal lives. Says Am, "We are very sweet cats! It stinks that, because we offered such an amazing performance, people now see us as evil!" To help the public embrace their true innocence, Si and Am (or, as they prefer...Am and Si) have appeared in several family sit-coms, launched their own "tween" clothing line, and have starred in over 75 straight-to-DVD movies, including the famous "You're Invited to Si and Am's [fill in blank with exciting childhood activity...like School Dance, Slumber Party, etc.]" series. In recent years, as they have gotten older, it has become increasingly difficult to portray the air of innocence. With Si's struggle with anorexia and the duo dropping out of NYU shortly after enrolling, it has become clear they will probably never have another notable screen appearance and will, unfortunately, be best known for appearing on tabloid covers, wearing over-sized hobo clothing and sunglasses that swallow their faces.

6. Sylvester (of Sylvester and Tweety). "Pretending I was something I definitely wasn't made my job at Warner Brothers especially difficult." Sylvester spent years waiting for Granny to leave so he could attempt to feast on Tweety, his yellow prey. While it was clear Tweety was never going to be had, there was an underlying current that most of us missed: The sexual tension. In 1993, Sylvester and Tweety secretly moved to Martinique, where they purchased a luxurious, ocean-front "love shack." In 2000, the gay lovers adopted a daughter they affectionately named "Granny," after their long-time friend, the late Granny. Says Tweety, "Life is good. We can finally show our love to the world without the fear of cartoon boycotts. I am free to share my life with the love of my life and Granny, Jr."

7. Socks Clinton. "Being a presidential cat is a challenge," claims Socks Clinton, feline companion to President Bill and Senator Hillary Rodham-Clinton. "It's especially difficult when you do not agree on a single political issue with your humans!" After leaving the White House in late 2000, Socks came out as a raging member of the religious right. After his humans forced him from their home, Socks aligned himself with Fred Phelps--even joining Phelps in disrupting several funerals of American soldiers who were killed in Iraq and infiltrating Gay Pride events, while toting posters declaring, "God Hates Fags." "Fred has taught me more in the last few months than I learned living in the White House for eight long years!" President and Senator Clinton declined to participate in this "Where are They Now" feature.

8. Leo, the MGM Lion. After a successful career, built on his ferocious, yet familiar and comfortable roar, Leo found himself tied up in legal battles for several years. Suing his one-time friend and colleague, Mimsie the Cat, and MTM Enterprises for trademark infringement was a very emotional and intellectual drain for Leo. "I know they thought they were paying tribute to me when they had Mimsie meow where I had roared, but I found it insulting. Plus, when it started to affect my money, well...all bets were off!" Winning over 24 million dollars in the final settlement, Leo signed the rights to his likeness over the MGM and left to start the Animal Planet network. Laughing, Leo explains, "I enjoy being behind the cameras now. Even though lions are known for their attention hungry ways, I have had my fill of the spotlight. I just want to run my multi-billion dollar network, go home to my lovely wife and cubs, and do some yard-work! I'm a simple guy!"

9. The Fancy Feast Cat. You know she is known for her beauty and pristine white coat. You know she is perceived to be a high-class snob who will only eat premium cat food. But did you know she spent several years shooting porn? Oh, yes. The Fancy Feast cat started the "questionable" chapter of her career when she shot an explicit centerfold for Kitty Porn Magazine in the spring of 2002. Based on the positive feedback she received from the layout, coupled with her raging cocaine addiction, Fancy changed her name to "Kitty Fuegobutt" and began filming porn videos. "I only shot porn for about six-months," she explains. When asked in how many movies she appears, she looks away and responds, "249." Pristine white coat, indeed!

10. "Where's the Beef?" Cat. We all said it during the 80's. We all associated it with Clara Peller, the woman who shouted it in the Wendy's commercials. What most people don't know is that "Where's the Beef?" was originated by creative consultant, Abraham Leibowitz, an American Tabby of Jewish descent. As legend has it, while sleeping quietly in the corner during an especially heated marketing meeting, Abe suddenly shouted, "Where's the Beef?" in his sleep. Unfortunately, his human, owner of the ad agency, convinced him to accept 3 cans of moist cat food as compensation for his catch phrase. Shortly after the commercials aired and became part of our pop-culture, Abe left his human. He collaborated with Al Gore for about six-months, during which they invented "The Internets." Abraham is also credited for inventing the cell phone. Abe now lives in Japan, where he is considered a national celebrity due to his innovative mind and ingenious inventions.

11. MC Skat Kat. Starring in the Paula Abdul video for her song, "Opposites Attract," was a highlight of MC Skat Kat's life. "I became very popular with teenage girls, but became frustrated with the lack of respect from my peers." Skat became obsessed with obtaining his due "street cred," and released his first gangster rap album in 1991--which flopped. He now spends most of his time playing Dungeons and Dragons with fellow rappers, MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice. MC Skat Kat is also credited with owning the largest, single collection of Star Trek action figures in the United States.

12. The Magical Mr. Mistoffelees. What an amazing run Mistoffelees had with Cats! Declining to reprise his role for the Broadway revival of the bland and boring musical, Mr. Mistoffelees was excited when Rosie O'Donnell and Boy George approached him to star and help fund their Broadway initiative, Taboo. He took the role of a young Boy George and sunk his life savings in the musical that would become one of the most miserable flops in history! Now 52 days sober, Mistoffelees is currently residing at an undisclosed alcohol rehabilitation center in Pam Springs, California. "I would like to write, produce and star in my own medical drama on PAX TV. Let's hope they give this former drunk a chance!"

13. Simba. Simba earned acclaim for his role as a young lion in the 1994 coming-of-age Disney classic, "The Lion King." Growing up in front of the camera posed challenges for which Simba was not prepared. "The press was constantly prying into my love life, which is embarrassing for a teenager!" Simba married and subsequently divorced his on-screen love, Nala, with whom he maintains a strong friendship. After reprising his role in the 1998 sequel "The Lion King 2, Simba's Pride," he married Madge, a manicurist, and the fathered 3 cubs. Simba thoroughly enjoys his suburban life, selling propane and propane-related products, volunteering as a firefighter, and holding the role of PTA President. Cooking every evening with Madge, performing scenes from "The Lion King" during half time shows at his sons' Pee-Wee football games and playing dolls with his daughter help fill his time and his heart. When asked if he would ever consider appearing in the Broadway version of the story that made him famous, Simba laughs, "Um...no. Disney can kiss my ass!"





Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


32 comments:

Tink said...

GREAT list, I love it! In fact I love all those characters!
My TT is about happy things this week.

K T Cat said...

Kukka, you are simply amazing. You have taken the TT art form to an entirely new level. I'm serious. I admire your writing skills and prose style so much!

My life is richer because you write.

Kukka-Maria said...

Wow, KT. I am both humbled and honored by that amazing compliment! Off to read your TT!

Ayla said...

LOL. I loved it! Thanks for the good laughs Kukka.

Victor Tabbycat said...

Kukka, the Fancy Feast kitty was S.H. III at one time. I don't know what happened to S.H. or S.H. II.

Oh, Kukka, queen of bling bling, you MUST see this . We also blogged bout it.

Darla said...

Wow, I never knew! :) Wonderful TT this week.

PinkJeweledCat said...

Hey, I just created my own meme, would you mind looking at it, and telling me what you think of it. Do you think other people would do it?

Trish said...

That is an awesome list!!!! Great creativity!

HAPPY TT!!!

Aloysius said...

Kukka,

Fun, fun, fun. But, you know, I sort of always thought that Leo the MGM Lion was, in real life, one lion named Hannibal who lived with my human's sister. I'm going to have to do some research on that.

Mama Duck said...

Very amusing, indeed!

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Thank you Kukka! Your very accurate research on these has-beens will save us all from having to sit through yet another boring "Where Are They Now?" special hosted by BaBa Walters.

Marti said...

This is a great list. I'm glad to meet another cat lover. I just put up a pic of my new kitten. :)

Kailani said...

Ah, so that's where they all went to. So sad how they were once such big superstars!

Thanks again for the ever-entertaining read!

S. said...

Great list! I miss Morris.

JerseyTjej said...

OMG! That was a riot!
Thanks for stopping by and leaving a link! i loved this piece and need to figure out how to save it so my husband can read it ( i have already woken(is that a word? I'm losing my english!) him up laughing out loud!)

Lisa said...

EXCELLENT Thirteen! I totally agree with KT Cat who said you take the TT art form to an entirely new level.

Very nicely done and what a cute blog! Love it. Thanks for stopping by Snarkypants!

Renee said...

Wow Kukka, you're just in the know about everyone! I'm so impressed.

Thanks for stopping by my garden... I'm sure the cat hair will come off the green beans eventually.

Trisha said...

You had me holding my sides, laughing so much anf had my little one saying cute kitty to all of the pics. Thanks for visiting me.

factor 10 said...

Outstanding list! In depth, thoughful stories about the famous felines we all knew and loved. Loved it.

Happy TT!

YummY! said...

I never even knew the Siamese cats HAD names. -blush-

one of us said...

Mom thought that cat looked familiar at the surf shop the other day. ~Merlin, Shadow, Ko kO

Zeus said...

It just goes to show you that being rich and famous doesn't mean you will live a happy life. I feel sorry for Sylvester and Tweety, Mr. Mistoffoles, and Simba. However, my heart truly goes out to those misperceived by such a cruel and relentless public media like Am and Si and Leo.

It is my hope, Kukka-Maria, that though your blog may increase in popularity, you will not be prey to the rampaging alure of addictions and sexual misconduct. Stay true to yourself always, Kukka!

Renee said...

We're planning a party at fefyfomanna Need your ideas.

Carmen said...

I just wanted to brag about my cat's brush with fame, his vet is the same vet that took care of Socks when he lived at the White House!

Bev said...

You have saved my sanity. I have been staying up late at night wondering where these fantastics artists ended up. Thank you. ;)

Thanks for dropping by. Cheers.

Jenny Ryan said...

So good to know that cats are getting their rightful due in history!

Karen said...

and none of them are as beautiful as you are!!

Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) said...

you are one funny cat! that was brilliant :)

Samantha said...

Hey, one of Morris the Cats offspring lives at my house! Hmm...I could introduce you to him Kukka...his name is Morris, Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr...etc...you get the point LOL

Cheysuli said...

Kukka, what a lovely Thursday 13. We were having problems viewing certain blogger sites (though not all of them!) and I didn't see any new posts for several days, even though they were there. Some blogs updated and others didn't.

A lovely list

Kuanyin said...

Your blog is hilarious...love it! From another thirteener...Kuanyin

Gattina said...

My cat Arthur only reports his misfortunes or adventures and the others don't bother ! But I love to put my nose in weddings, birth, divorce and funerals ! So it's interesting to read Kukka's resumé of show bizz people's happenings !