Thursday Thirteen This Week
1. I am still in bed. A regal empress rarely lifts a head or tail before noon (although, I have been known to lift my tail after midnight...).
2. Brad Pitt is still in bed with me. Would you be in a hurry to get out of the sack and write a silly blog entry, either? I thought not...
3. I need to get new headshots done. My public is sick of looking at the same photo of me day in and day out. Annie Leibowitz is coming today to take some artsy-fartsy shots of me. One on a horse. One with me nude, covered in rose petals. And one of me spooning with Brad.
4. I have hysterical arthritis that is preventing me from typing. The doctors say it's "hysterical" because it's completely fabricated. My agent says it's "hysterical" because she can't stop laughing at me. As I tearfully gaze at my mangled claws, I realize they are all idiots.
5. I have to go pick up my check from Wal-Mart. Granted, I didn't work there long, but they still owe me money! (Editor's note: Kukka actually owes Wal-Mart money. The damage to her vest, the sexual harassment suit brought against her by a customer and the fact she ate her own weight in cheese-fries, really put her in the rears.)
6. I need to black out my house on the "Map of the Stars' Homes." Even though my house is the only one on the West Michigan Edition Star Map, I feel better knowing it will keep the riff-raff off my doorstep.
7. I have a headache. Or hangover. I can't remember which.
8. I am ovulating. You can still ovulate after you've been spayed, right?
9. I have treats for which to beg. All day. Every day. More treats. Gimme, gimme!
10. I need to lift weights. Wait. I mean I need to lift my weight (belly) as I hoist myself into the litter box to unleash some serious damage!
11. I need to answer fan-mail. I use a rubberstamp, though, so it shouldn't take too long. "Dear Kukka, do you know how terrific you are?" "Dear Empress, I think you are supa-fly! Are you the most amazing being on the face of the earth?" "Dear Kukka-Maria, I want to be just like you, do you think it's impossible?" YES. YES. And YES.
12. I have to balance my checkbook. Or, rather, I need to supervise the servant I hired to balance my checkbook.
13. I have to slee...ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
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