Monday, October 09, 2006

Oooooooh, Crap.

Guess what my agent starting making for me? I should add her to my Shit Litter List just for thinking of knitting crap like...

THIS!

[Editor's note: When you get to the linked page, be sure to scroll down to see the great photos of Sunshine's human attempting to measure her...how do I say this politely..."magnitude." Makes me a little nervous to approach Kukka with a measuring tape! Also, make sure you check out the end of the post, where Sunshine is modeling the beautiful garment.]

I've had top designers create couture for me!

I've been honored in Vogue as one of the best-dressed celebrities!

Now I am going to be made to wear this?

Am I not allowed a shred of dignity? If I'm seen wearing this...this FROCK, I can only imagine the tabloid speculation! "Feline Empress Strung Out on Crack Cocaine!" What other explanation could there be for the sudden decline in my taste?

[Editor's note: This is going to be wicked fun! It's not often one finds attractive duds to knit for one's cat. The fact it's going to piss her off is just a bonus! Expect some sour-faced photos when The Empress dons her new duds! I, for one, can not wait!]

15 comments:

The Meezers said...

oh Kukka, that is the most horrible fing efurr!!! You can always shred it wif your teef. What a horrible fing to do to such a beautiful empress! - Miles

Gemini said...

You can come live with us and your Momma won't find you for a long time!

Carmen said...

I, personally, would not risk fingers to get Pooh's girth. ;)

Pooh was very flattered to be even considered for your tomcat stable. :)

brandywine said...

...Good enough for Liz Taylor, Phillis Diller, Vikki "Momma" Lawrence, and many a strong willed women of color in almost any sterotypical movie portraying innercity (or even rural) extended families. I think you could put it back on the runway....along with banishment of the waif/string-bean models. Be the trend Kukka...but still wear the jewels!

Zeus said...

Ummm...wow. Have you lost it, oh, agent of Kukka? I'm not sure you quite understand what is going to happen when you actually put that thing on her.

You see, yarn is very fun to scratch and tear. You'll put it on her, she'll rip it up, get tangled, cry, moan, and then you'll be crying and moaning. You'll wish you had never made it when she rips it to shreds, and you'll wonder if you can ever get back those hours you spent making that frock.

Consider this your friendly, cultural warning from a feline who cares for your safety and well-being, oh agent of Kukka.

Kukka-Maria said...

Zeus, my agent predicts I will sit, motionless, glaring at her. She thinks I will moan and hiss a bit, but remain harmless.

Little does she know that with every knitted stitch she makes, I am plotting my attack!

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

When our Mom was in Hawaii recently, she said only the...how can I say this..."large ladies" wore muumuus. Since you are perfectly proportioned, have exquisite fashion sense and have always worn designer gowns, you must reject this muumuu idea and refuse to have any part in the making of it except to destroy the yarn.

PrincessMia said...

OMG, I am appalled. Might your agent need to get her eyesight checked? The ruffles, oh, the ruffles!

*note from the mom*
Shriek! I love it. Fantastic. Wish I could knit or crochet! I can't wait to see lovely Kukka in your home made designs.

Badness said...

Or or...the headlines could read "Feline Empress - Baby Bump?" This is horrible!

Anonymous said...

Kukka - my daughter insists you come and hide out at our house. She says she will only dress you up in designer fashions made for her American Girl doll. she thinks she can cram your paws into their shoes as well.

Personally, I think you have a better chance of fighting off your agent than my daughter, so I'd stay put ;-).

Kukka-Maria said...

What a sweet offer, Pam! I mean, the doll clothes and [choke] shoes can't be as bad as the muumuu!

Throw in some to-die-for cat treats and I may actually consider enduring the baby-doll play!

You know I'm a sucker for some exquisite cat cuisine!

Les Trois Chats said...

I hope this doesn't catch on... because I will never stop Moose from laughing his fool ass off if Mom makes one of these for me.
~ turtle

I think it's kinda pretty.
~ nala

Moron.
~ turtle

kailani said...

Kukka, you would totally fit in with the local felines here in Hawaii!

William said...

How about "Feline Empress' Agent Strung Out on Crack Cocaine, Forces Kukka Into Fashion Faux Pas!"

Anonymous said...

Oh, Kukka ... You've got to start sharpening your claws NOW!
DaisyMae Maus