(if that is your real name...),
First, let me say, with every bit of my tiny, cold heart, I appreciate all the attention you've been giving me lately. Based on your frequent comments on my posts, it's clear you are a huge fan of my work! I am flattered that you hold me in such high regard and continue to come back to read my little nuggets of perfection.
I also want to thank you for working so hard to offer me money-making opportunities. It's almost as if my fiscal fortitude has become your life's mission! I am grateful to have someone working so hard for me. You are selfless. You are generous. You are devoted. I like that.
I especially loved the tip you left for me yesterday (and only deleted it--and its duplicate--because I knew you wanted me and only me to see it).
Wow. Not only did you take the time to give me this tip, you came back 8 minutes later and told me again! Persistence is an admirable quality. Plus, you sure know that the best way to a feline empress' heart is through her wallet!
"Hi, i was looking over your blog and didn't quite find what I was looking for. I'm looking for different ways to earn money... I did find this though...a place where you can make some nice extra cash secret shopping. I made over $900 last month having fun! make extra money"
To aid you in your quest to help me achieve astounding levels prosperity, I want to help you narrow your scope.
What I don't want to do:
- Secret shopping. I am way too famous to be able to pull that off. I can try to don a wig, trench coat and ginormous-Nicole-Richie-sunglasses, but it is inevitable that my identity will be revealed and the paparazzi will be swarming.
- Take or sell Viagra, "Vagra," "V1agra," or the like. No male has ever had trouble becoming aroused in my presence--neither man, nor beast. In fact, even if I were to call someone and give them my sales pitch for an Erectile Dysfunction med, they would breathe heavily and hit on me over the phone. Super-sexiness is just my cross to bear.
- Buy or sell software at amazingly low prices. I'm no computer nerd, sir or madam!
- Get those tight abs too. My saggy belly is one of my distinguishing features. It's my milkshake that brings the boys to the yard! If I were to firm up, I would lose my fan-base. The women who identify with me and my saggy gut would feel betrayed. The men who like to fondle my flab would be turned off. No, tight abs are not for me.
- Want a tiny waistline. See "Get those tight abs too."
- Lose 42 pounds in 43 days. I weigh 12.5 pounds. You do the math.
- Drop a dress size. What is with you, Anonymous? Do you not like my womanly curves? Your criticism of my voluptuous body is making me think you are not actually looking to admire and worship me.
- I told that carried out. We can't wipe out by free to. Huh? Stop with the gibberish, Anonymous. It makes you look stupid.
- Obtain $0ft Cialli$, branded quality. I don't have a penis. I don't have ED. While those cleverly-placed dollar $ign$ make me take notice, you should keep the Cialis to yourself. You may need it when I repeatedly kick you in the junk with all four of my paws.
- Get a Home Purchase Loan!!! Anonymous...How can I put this gently? Are you a big, fat, greedy liar? Based on the money-making tips you are constantly giving me, I don't understand why I would have to take out a mortgage to buy a house! Am I not supposed to "get rich" and "make lots of easy money?" Think about it. Something isn't adding up...
You had me at "best blog entry ever," Anonymous. You had me at "best blog entry ever."