Friday, October 06, 2006

Who you callin' MATURE?

I received an email yesterday. Kukka not happy.


TRANSITION TO A MATURE CAT FOOD NOW AND ENJOY THE HEALTHY YEARS AHEAD.

You bastards! I turned 7 at the end of August and this is what slaps me in the face? Why not just send me my effing AARP card!


IMPORTANT NEWS ABOUT MATURE NUTRITION FOR YOU AND YOUR CAT, KUKKA-MARIA

This is a big moment in your cat's life. By now she is considered a mature adult, and it's time she started eating a cat food just for mature cats. At around 7 years of age, cats may require less energy from their diet than when she was younger. Their immune system is changing. Their skin and coat condition may be changing too. So feeding a premium mature cat food is important.

Well, paint me pink and call me a princess! Seriously. Do it. It will help my self-esteem during this difficult time.

I resent this email. I have never been, nor do I intend to ever be "mature." My immune system? A daily shot of whiskey helps fill in any gaps and keeps my immune system from being compromised. My skin and coat? Take a look at me! Do my supple skin and luxurious coat look like they are changing? Changing for the better every day, thankyouverymuch! My hair-care regimen (outlined in my first "Dear Kukka..."), serves me well.

Iams, you have been officially added to my Litter List. Yes, I will continue eating your food (because that is what is given to me and, quite frankly, it's very tasty), but you will not force me to eat "mature" food! I see your "mature food" as the equivalent of pureed food for wrinkled and toothless humans.

You bastards...

20 comments:

The Mitz said...

Oh Empress, I feel your pain. I am ahhhem, 18 young years, hard to believe but true and believe me the M- A -T- U- R- E word shows up a LOT....I of course plan suitable retribution, extra hair pulling for Meowmie, pushing the delete button really HARD etc....
Try not to take it personally.

Headbonks, The Mitz

Carmen said...

My Pooh Bear sympathizes with you. The vet now offers him a senior cat discout. He likes the discount, but not the senior part. He's only 8 for pete's sake. :)

The Meezers said...

kukka, you still are young and you has furry silky furs. no way are you mature - you're as immature as me -Miles

Gigolo Kitty said...

Not to worry, darling. You are young only once but you can be immature for ever!

Smoochies from the GK.

Gemini said...

I think it's furry insulting to send stuff like that. But you know, Momma said that she got AARP stuff when she graduated from college at 21--so sometimes they are wrong.

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

We eat Iams, too, but Mom buys "hairball formula" to try and help with my stomach.

Not to worry, Kukka, you'll always remain an Empress no matter how mature you get.

Anonymous said...

Gosh kukka - next they'll be sending you e-mails about fur dye and plastic surgery. Anything to make a buck off of you and the public who imitates everything you do, dear empress!

Fat Eric said...

Ohh, that is a tactless email to send to a lady. You still look young and gorgeous to me, Kukka. I am going to be 11 this month so you are a youngster!

THE ZOO said...

HAHAHAHAHA....
YOU SAID SEND ME A AARP CARD. SISFUR (OUR BEAN) JUST TURNED 30 AND SHE HAS STARTED RECIEVING AARP STUFF IN THE MAIL. hER MEOWMY DOES TOO BUT THAT CAUSE SHES IN HER FIFTIES. BUT SISFURS STILL YOUNG. WE FINK ITS HILARIOUS ITS BASICALLY HAPPENING TO YOU TOO.
HAHAHA.....

Anonymous said...

Kukka-Maria, I once received an email from Iams, but they didn't refer to me as "mature" ... No, they called me a SENIOR. Argh. So I quit eating Iams in the orange bag and Mom bumped me up to the more expensive "Iams" ... Eukanuba. Now I don't care what they call me. Besides, seven is young. I'm nearly thirteen and you can still bounce quarters off of my buns AND I've got all of my teeth/whiskers. How dare they refer to us as mature. How rude!
DaisyMae Maus

Zeus said...

Clearly, IAMS needs some schooling on how to properly interact with an empress. They definitely lack some social graces. I think you should write them a letter to indicate how offended you were.

William said...

I totally feel your indignation, Kukka. The nerve of some people. Those little evil-doers--and they're all the same--told me I was overweight not that long ago, remember?

Renee said...

I'm not sure what's worse...your emails about being mature or mine asking if I wet my pants?

Kimo & Sabi said...

What does mature mean? Mommakitty says Daddykitty is not very mature - huh?

Anonymous said...

I remember when I got my AARP card..... I showed a little claw, too.

My cat, the contessa, was 8 years old when I got her from the animal shelter last winter. Therefore, she and I comfort each other in our mature ways.

Jacob the Syrian Hamster said...

Another stellar post! I threw you a link.

Renee said...

I was just checking in on you and noticed the picture of the cat in the banner you posted...

That cat doesn't look too happy about being called Mature either!

Buddy said...

Kukka you are still a sex kitten to me.

Tigger said...

You are fabulous at any age! I love you and your blog.

Purrs,
Tigger

NOLADawn said...

Who cares what a stupid company says, you're still a sexpot at any age!!! Ask Brad!!! Besides, my Hugo (3) says the more mature women can teach him a thing or two about what to do with the parts he doesn't have ;)