Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Kukka Takes CMAs by Storm

Nashville was blazing with stars last night for the Country Music Awards, but none shown brighter than Empress Kukka-Maria. Despite reports from her publicist that Kukka would not be attending the ceremony, the "Favorite Singing Empress of the Year" nominee showed up with her "brother" Brach on her paw, fueling long-standing rumors that he may, in fact, be her husband.

"I was so glad to see Kukka-Maria in person!" exclaimed an excited Kelly Clarkson (or one of those American Idol chicks) who took home "Female Vocalist of the Year." "I've always admired The Empress on her blog and but have always wanted to pet her. Tonight I just might get the chance!"

As Kukka exited her limo and launched onto the red carpet, things got a little heated between she and Sara Evans.

"I'm still skeptical of that bitch cat," explained Sara as she reached out and grabbed Kukka's tail with a firm tug, causing The Empress to turn, hiss dramatically, and swat with her claws fully-extended. "While I originally thought my husband was sleeping with the nanny, I've since realized it may have been a super-sexy feline. That skank better watch her back!"

While Kukka was asked to perform with several of the country music stars, she chose to go solo and sing her as-yet-unreleased, multi-platinum (based on pre-sales) hit, "I Told You I Didn't Knock Boots With Your Whore of a Husband, Sara Evans." The audience swayed, clapped and sang along with the talented feline.

"He told you he'd be faithful,
Be true forevermore...
But who knew he'd be cheatin'
With some two-legged whore?!"

After dominating the category "Favorite Singing Empress of the Year" (in which she was the sole nominee), a tipsy Kukka-Maria took the stage, exposed her multiple nipples, and passed gas on audience members in the first three rows.

"Oh, that Kukka!" laughed Brooks (or Dunn). "She is always good for a hoot and a half! I don't know what these awards would be without catching a glimpse of that kitty's hooters! Yeeeee-haw!"

Faith Hill, a long-time friend of Kukka-Maria, shared, "I think it's great how diverse Kukka is! She is involved in movies, television, print media, and music of all genres. She is an inspiration to us all. And, imagine what sort of CMAs she would win if she produced an actual single!"

A good night was had by all most and many of the fans in the first three rows were released quickly after being treated for minor toxic-vapor-asphyxiation.


The Meezers said...

i enjoyed your performance last night Kukka - the CMA's are like krissmass at my house. i only wish that I could haf been there wif you. - Miles

Carmen said...

Snort! I love the pink cowboy hat. If you want to borrow my cowboy boots from my Nashville days, let me know.

We should collaborate!

Zeus said...

Well don't this just take away my honky-tonk blues! I had just been saying to myself the other day, "Self, we need some new music in this house." Now, I know what I will be buying to fill that ugly void.

Thanks again, Kukka!

brandywine said...

I find it refreshing that you can sing about topics so timely! You and Carmen could get together and make a duet. You are a little like Angelina Jolie though, showing up with you brother by your side. (just don't kiss Brach,OK?)

DEBRA said...


What in the world went on yesterday (before the CMA's)? None of the other cats are telling...what did you do to that police officer? All I know is that Momma grounded us for a while...*kittysigh*


Kukka-Maria said...

Oh, Abby...I've been advised by my legal counsel not to answer questions about "Pre-CMA Activity."

What I say can be used against me.

Badness said...

Kukka, have you done any work with Queen Latifah?

Anonymous said...

Kukka ... When can I download your single from iTunes?
DaisyMae Maus

Cheysuli said...

Wow, you had a busy night Kukka- first you got arrested and then you went to the CMA's!

William said...


::stalks off::

(ha ha ha ha)

Anonymous said...

Dangit!! I knew I should have stayed awake to watch the CMA's, but I fell asleep because I had to work! *sad pouty face* Now I missed Kukka :(


Eric and Flynn said...

We's onnerd to know sumkitty as faymus an clefurr as yoo are.

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Thanks for the song, dance & baton twirling for our 1st blogiverary!

If Mom had known you'd be on the CMA awards, she would have watched that instead of letting Dad watch wrestling.

Renee said...

I wish I had know you were going to be on the CMAs...I wouldn't have fallen asleep...or I would have tried harder to stay awake.

Perhaps you can consider my cat napping in honor of you Kukka...and know that I wasn't watching anything else instead.

Kelly Cat said...

Oh yes, that sounds like something Faith Hill would say... right after she said "Whaaat?!?" ;-)