Monday, November 06, 2006

Pet Porn--An Investigative Report

It's late at night and you are quietly basking in the light of your computer monitor. With a quick glance over your shoulder, you click on a link that takes you to a captivating site that features small and adorable animals. As you peruse photo after photo of precious kittens, a lusty moan escapes your throat. You can not tear your eyes away from the furry, roly-poly baby animals.

As your heart races, you suddenly become aware you have drooled down the front of your shirt. "How did I get here? How did I sink so low?" you ask yourself. Ashamed, you quickly navigate to Google in an attempt to cleanse your computer monitor of the filth that is baby animal porn.

But moments later, you enter "precious and darling kittens" in the search engine, returning over 275,000 sites.

In your heart, you know you need an intervention.

Each day, squillions of seemingly upstanding citizens spend countless minutes ogling sites that feature adorable cats and kittens. Once a harmless weekend activity, the perversion has grown to become an all-consuming obsession. Families go neglected, household chores remain undone, missed work days accumulate. The world crumbles around the very computer that serves up this obscene display of cuteness.

The number of sites that cater to this growing cluster of degenerates grows daily.

"The audience exists. I'm only presenting what the public is demanding. The media is trying to make this a 'which came first, the chicken or the egg' situation. It's not," explains an anonymous webmaster that created and hosts one of the largest baby animal porn sites on the internet. "We get over eleventy-four hits per day. The unbridled desire to view photos of cute and lovable animals is undeniable. I didn't create that desire, I'm just satisfying it."

There are sites that focus on cuteness. There are sites that pit kittens against one another to determine which is the ultimate in preciousness. Still other sites add props to cater to the fetish community.

No matter the site, one can not deny the damaging effects these baby animal porn sites unleash on the American culture.

For research purposes only, I present:
"It was harmless in the beginning with an interest in adult cats. I found myself browsing site after site filled with attractive adult cats. After awhile, the full-grown felines just didn't do it for me anymore. A friend turned me onto a page featuring kittens," confesses one feline porn enthusiast. "At first, I was embarrassed to be peeping at under-aged cats. It seemed dirty. But, when I learned there were no laws prohibiting me from doing so, I began bookmarking my favorites without shame. Kittens are adorable and if you disagree with me, you are a filthy liar! I'm just showing them appreciation by petting the screen when looking at their photos."

Bitsy, a two-month old American shorthair, is proud of her work. "It's affirming to me that so many humans find me sexy. When I was, like, six-weeks old, I had self-esteem issues something fierce! After my human posted photos of me sleeping, lying on my back, and eating, people went wild! I was an instant celebrity. The phone calls for movies and television roles came pouring in! I had so many options, but I chose exotic dancing because the money is so much better."
Exotic dancing. Prostitution. The fall-out of kitty porn is atrocious. With the models beginning their exhibitionist lifestyles younger and younger, the concern for their well-being becomes a great issue.

"Where will it go next?" worries Bobbie Walters, animal rights activist. "Will we begin seeing newborn kittens, eyes still closed, plastered on computer monitors everywhere? How about ultra-sound photos! Will those become sexy? This whole thing just makes me sick. Sick!"

Sick, indeed! While no in-patient programs exist--there are several self-help support groups that help animal porn addicts. If you feel you have a problem, your family has expressed concern for your preoccupation with baby animals, or you have animal porn sites in your bookmarks...you may have a problem.

You sicko.

22 comments:

Carmen said...

you win the award for best use of pixelation today. :) Off to check out kitten war for my daily dose. Should I do this at work? Will they make note of me going to this site? :)

The Meezers said...

kitty porn is wrong! MOOOMMMM - get away from that kittenwar site!! i fink we need a new mom- she's gone. - Miles

The Tower Hill Mob said...

As far as I know, this is STILL America and I still have First Amendment rights...
The Mum

Kukka-Maria said...

Be careful, Tower Hill Mob Mum...George W. Bush has been working hard to push his "anti-baby-animal-porn" agenda.

Anonymous said...

I think we all know that it's only a matter of time before we see NBC's Dateline: To Catch a Predator try to take down these pet porn addicts!

I can see the transcript already:

Chris Hansen: What made you think you could get away with it?

Pet porn addict: I didn't think about getting caught. All I could think about were those cute little kitten paws. You trapped me! Your ad said, 'Free kittens to a good home.' You never had any intention of giving those kittens away to a good home! You don't know the kind of life I could give those kittens. They would love it. You're the one making it wrong--not me!

Kukka-Maria said...

OMG, Anonymous! I never thought of the voyeur angle growing into an adoption issue!

Can you imagine these "predators" trying to gain custody of their "prey?"

The horror!

Hilarious, Anon!

Cheysuli said...

Tell me how to get this done and get him arrested. The human male not only goes to Kittenwars, he entered Gemini...

Sparky Duck said...

Hmm, if you will excuse me, I have some sights to look at.

Renee said...

I was trying to find cute baby bunny pix, but not able to.

re: training bra stuff...that's kinda cruel what your Agent's mom said. Growing up is hard enough w/o our moms picking on us too. Give your agent a hug for me.

brandywine said...

Kukka, I've been to that "chicken and egg" site...Ooo-Laa-LAAA!Everyone has a cause, I think the kittyporn is a good one to dive into. I now wonder if those cats are indeed hairless, or is there something else to it? (be wary of a hairless cat named Merkin)

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Well Kukka, we can tell that you've done considerable research on this subject. We can't help but wonder if it isn't due to some latent need for a litter of kittens of your very own, that you find yourself surfing these sites late at night. Having had certain female parts forcibly removed when you were a mere 2 lb. may have had an adverse affect on your psyche.

Or perhaps, your Agent really has an unconscious desire to bring a new kitten into the household? Beware - the same thing happened at our house!

Aloysius said...

Hi, Kukka,

Not only are these kitten porn sites addictive, but they make money -- or intend to make money -- off the humans who submit the cute kitty pictures. They typically include such terms as

"3.1 In consideration for your Works appearing on the Website, you grant the Company a perpetual royalty free non-exclusive licence to use, reproduce, modify, translate, transmit, distribute and sub-licence any Works you supply or communicate to the Website in any medium, now in existence or hereafter developed, for any purposes, including commercial use."

Yes, Kukka, that really is pornography!

The Mitz said...

Naughty, naughty!!!! Someone is watching you.....

Headbonks anyways, The Mitz

Anonymous said...

I had no idea this was even a problem much less that it was so widespread.

I will be on the lookout for this from now on!!

kattonic said...

We are getting our daddy an intervention. He is on here effurynite looking at this sick stuff. Mooooom, dad's been doin kitty pron agin. Hoomans, jeez!

kailani said...

Thank you for bringing this to our attention! I had no idea that some of these baby animals were being exploited. What is the world coming to?

Anonymous said...

But Kukka ... The kittens are so cute! How can something so cute be so wrong??? I'm torn.
DaisyMae Maus

William said...

Well, there's always nip to blame.

Anonymous said...

Very very funny; very very disturbing.

And I thought penguin lust was a concern.

Anonymous said...

*Stands to make a speech*
On behalf of all my feline friends...
All my fellow humans, I am shocked and outraged that our species could stoop low enough to take advantage of all these animals! It's not bad enough that they're sometimes put out on the street, or sent to those gawdawful "pounds", now we have to take sick delight in this? I AM ASHAMED!



LOL

Zeus said...

I happen to think that this is a powerful platform for world domination. If the homo sapiens are so transfixed by our younger members, we could use subliminal messages as they view the adorable kittens to secretly get our agenda met.

Human: "Oh look at the cute kitty! She's so precious! I adore her!"

FLASH: FEED ME

Human: "Goodness, I think she's hungry."

FLASH: FEED ME NOW, BITCH

Human: "Yes, she's definitely hungry. I can feel it."

FLASH: SEND FOOD TO 2922 CREEK MANOR DRIVE IMMEDIATELY

Human: "Call me crazy, but I think I need to send food to this poor little one right now. Yes, let's go to the post office and mail it to 2922 Creek Manor Drive right away!"

Trust me - this could definitely work.

Junior said...

Kukka,

I am certain my Meowm visits these sites from time to time! I must talk to her about attending a CPA (Cat Porn Anonymous) meeting!