Thursday, November 30, 2006

Thursday Thirteen, Edition #13


Thirteen Active Strategies I am Employing
to Solidify my Position as
the M
ost Annoying Cat in the Entire World
  1. "OPERATION: WHEN I'M NOT SLEEPY, AIN'T NOBODY SLEEPY!"
    I will stop at nothing to disrupt my agent's sleep when I'm not tired. Flick things off the dresser? Check! Slam the blinds at the window? You betcha!
  2. "OPERATION: TREATS, TREATS, TREATS!"
    All day! Every day! My agent has trained me to expect treats when she comes into the house. How is it my fault I can not differentiate between her returning from a long day at work and returning from taking out the garbage? She enters the home, I whine for treats. That's the drill!
  3. "OPERATION: LAP = GOOD."
    I am sorry, but I can not simply sit next to my agent on the couch at night. I...MUST...SIT...ON...HER! No room? No problem! I'll just sit half-on/half-off and unleash my pathetic eyes. She'll eventually make room...
  4. "OPERATION: I NEED MY ROUGHAGE!"
    When my agent is in the kitchen, I've made it my duty to climb to the top of the cupboards and lie among the greenery. To make it truly annoying, though, I've found slobbering and chewing on the silk leaves to be the key.
  5. "OPERATION: WHERE THERE IS RUNNING WATER, THERE I WILL BE."
    Whether it's the bathtub or sink, if my agent turns on water, I am there to drink. Nevermind she probably turned it on for a reason and needs me to move out of her way, I gots to have my fluids!
  6. "OPERATION: EAU DE KUKKA"
    My agent can polish the furniture all she wants. She can clean the brown schmutz off of the edge of the refrigerator door on a daily basis. I'm going to be right behind her, ready to rub my face against anything that will stand still long enough. Rubbing my whisker-stank on everything in the house is my duty, nay...privilege! Whether due to a dust rag removing my scent or Brach covering my stench with his, an Empress' work is never done.
  7. "OPERATION: PLUCK YOU!"
    I know my agent has given me a great scratching post. I appreciate it! What she fails to understand, though, is how incredibly fulfilling it is to pluck my claws on the living room carpet. PLUCK...PLUCK..."KUKKA, KNOCK IT OFF!"...PLUCK. I love our little games.
  8. "OPERATION: I'LL STAY HERE, THANKYOUVERYMUCH!"
    She opens the linen closet door. I run inside, sit, and stare her down. "Come out of the closet..." my agent will say. STARE DOWN. "Please, Kukka...I want to shut the door!" she'll plead. STARE DOWN. She'll finally walk away, leaving the door open. It pays to be the Alpha-Cat!
  9. "OPERATION: SHED, SHED, AND SHED SOME MORE!"
    I don't need all of this fur. Really! I leave some on the couch for her. I leave more on the bed for her. And, for my agent's convenience, I even go to the trouble of applying fur directly to her clothes! And all she does is bitch, moan, and run a sticky wand over her wardrobe. How ungrateful...
  10. "OPERATION: JUSTWALKAROUNDMEFORCRYINGOUTLOUD!"
    I don't know what is so effing difficult to get about this. If I'm lying in the middle of the freaking floor, she should walk around me. If I'm camped out in the middle of the hallway, she should step over! Why my agent feels the need for all the "discussion" is beyond me! "Are you going to stay there and get walked on?" Apparently!
  11. "OPERATION: AIM HIGH."
    I know I've never successfully leapt to the top of the entertainment center. Does that mean I should stop trying? When I squat at the edge of the coffee table and stare intently at the top of the entertainment center, I expect support from my agent. Not criticism. "You can't jump up there! Not only is it forbidden, you have too much girth to leap so gracefully!" You had to make it personal, didn't you...
  12. "OPERATION: ARE YOU GOING TO EAT THAT?"
    It's not like she's starving. It's not like she doesn't have enough food to spare. Why is it such an issue that I would like a bite or two or three of her meal? Or four...
  13. "OPERATION: PET ME, PET ME, PET ME, PET ME, PET ME..."
    Do it. All day long. More. Yeah, that's it...just like that. Oh, yeah...you know how I like it. Behind the ears. There you go. Under the chin. Give mama what she likes...WHAT?! You want to take a break because you need to go to work? Whatever. You think you deserve a social life and expect to leave the house for hours at a time? Fine. But know that when you get back, I'm going to be waiting here, belly and multiple nipples exposed, for your loving hands...



Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


    16 comments:

    The Meezers said...

    hahaha. you and Sammy haf much in common as far as being annoying to the mommys. He too lays in the middle of the floor, has to sit on her lap, has to haf treats all the time. - Miles (my 13 will be next week)

    Carmen said...

    kukka, i think you're well on your way to your goal. However if you weren't annoying, you'd have to renounce your membership in the cat club.

    Carmen said...

    and my last word verification was lrdtit.

    I knew you'd think that was funny!

    Cheysuli said...

    I think it's a purrfect list. I am not sure what's to be annoyed about Kukka-Maria.

    Anonymous said...

    Good luck on becoming the most annoying cat! Sounds like you're well on your way... though, most cats I've met act about the same way. All of you are funny little things

    Domestic Goddess said...

    you are one busy Empress.

    Anonymous said...

    Wow, I could learn a lot from you, your highness. So far, I've only mastered 3 and 13. 9 wouldn't apply to me, since I'm a hairless cat.

    Anyhow, I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, Empress.

    Have a good day. :)

    Caylynn & Dragonheart
    http://caylynn.blogspot.com
    http://dragonheartsdomain.blogspot.com

    George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

    Annoying? No. Well, to humans maybe, but to us cats, those behaviors are perfectly fine. I have no problem with any of them!

    George

    Christina said...

    It's a purrrrfect list. My cat Tigger could learn a few things from you. I'll have to make sure he doesn't read this ;)

    Anonymous said...

    Oh, Kukka-Maria! You've just cleared up the mystery. Lucky Charmz is reading and committing to memory your every "operation." That explains why he'll stand in the center of the hallway and make the humans walk around him! Thanks for clearing up the mystery, but a big "Darn it" for teaching him that stuff in the first place. Dr. Evil has Mini-Me and we're stuck with Charmee-Maria. Uh, and newsflash ... He's DEFINITELY more annoying.
    DaisyMae Maus

    William said...

    Kukka, this is probably the best Thursday 13 I've ever read! I laughed until Science Diet came out of my nose.

    (Well, not really, but a whole lot.)

    Renee said...

    I guess I can be thankful that I was not chosen as the forever home of an Empress.

    I have to wonder if "This message was approved by Kukka." ???

    Zeus said...

    I don't know why anyone would find any of this annoying. It's your God-given right to act this way, and your agent should love you for the wonderful feline you are. Don't ever change, Kukka!

    Anonymous said...

    I'm curious, what does your agent expect? I mean sheesh, you are Kukka, Our Empress! *bows to Empress Kukka*

    Anonymous said...

    my 4 month old kitten is currently sticking her butt in my face.... cough.

    All of those are so true. Kukka, you remind me of my dearly departed Ursa-Boo.

    K T Cat said...

    I love it! Looks like a great one for a Theocracy round up.