Friday, January 26, 2007

I Still Haven't Found the Comments I'm Looking For

Associated Press (AP): Bono and Empress Kukka-Maria have announced the launch of a goodwill campaign to eradicate blogging comment poverty. The initiative, called "I Still Haven't Found the Comments I'm Looking For," based on the hit U2 song of a similar name, will focus on spreading blog comments evenly across blogs to eliminate the devastation that occurs when smaller, third-webbed blogs have few comments.

"There are over hundreds of thousands of defeated families in the world who log on to find few or no comments on their blog posts," explains an emotional Bono. "It's unjust. It's inhumane. We feel that by launching this aggressive crusade, by the end of 2008, every existing blog will have an abundance of comments."

Despite their feel-good, share-the-wealth approach to this issue, Bono and Kukka have been attacked by critics. "I get over 200 comments on each post I write," barks a popular blogger, requesting his identity be protected. "I shouldn't have to share those comments with someone who writes a cat blog for crying out loud! I mean, I love my pet, but I don't love my pet!"

"The critics' insecurities really surprise me," says a dumbfounded Kukka, shaking her head. Using finger quotes, she continues, "If these so-called 'successful bloggers' are such great writers to have earned hundreds of comments, couldn't they easily grow that number again? I mean, once you have over 75, what are you really going to do with them? You don't read every one of them...unless you're a loser without a life. So the comments simply become a badge of honor? Please..."

Celebrities like Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Gwyneth Paltrow, Tom Hanks and, despite her ongoing feud with Kukka, Oprah Winfrey have lent their names and backed the cause with their money.

"First off," laughs Brad Pitt, when asked about his involvement, "it's Kukka-Maria! Any cause she supports is a cause I want to back. She was my first true love...I trust her judgment! If she believes comment equality is possible--that it's a realistic goal, then without hesitation, I'm going to work side-by-side with her to make it happen."

Rumors of a comment-raising concert, to be held simultaneously in 8 different major world cities and broadcast throughout all of the 193 countries on the globe, have been spreading like wild fire.

"It's no secret people want me to sing," mutters Kukka, trying to remain modest. "While I know it will make a lot of people happy and would raise a lot of comments for destitute bloggers, I'm a little apprehensive. I usually reserve my loud singing for the evening, after my Agent turns out the lights and is trying to go to sleep."

"While we're not sold on the concert idea, primarily because broadcasting it in many countries without computers...or electricity might be futile, it has been discussed. I might be speaking out of turn, but Kukka and I have been working on a theme song for our cause," explains Bono. "I'd like to give you a taste right now, because I think reading these heart-felt words might inspire someone to donate some of their comments today. This issue is urgent!"

"I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to read comments...
Only to read comments.

But I still haven't found the comments I'm looking for...
I still haven't found the comments I'm looking for!"

Clapping her paws behind Bono, Kukka gingerly wipes a tear from her eye. "There is absolutely no reason bloggers should be going to bed tonight hungry for comments. We need to do something...we do...some...thing."

George Clooney is working on creating a mauve, rubber bracelet for supporters to wear. "The delay on the bracelets is Kukka's insistence her image be placed on them. With all due respect to The Empress, I'm thinking that's a bit much...and a logistical nightmare."

To show your immediate support for Bono and Kukka's pet project, "I Still Haven't Found the Comments I'm Looking For," Kukka has asked for comments on her blog.

"Each comment can make a difference," smiles Kukka-Maria. "The blogging world's self-esteem is counting on every person reading this. So, if bloggers cry today because they don't have comments, you...yes, YOU are solely to blame!"

Thanks to a stellar suggestion from Zeus, always the charitable tomcat, a button has been created for you to place on your blog in support of this cause. It's the official "ISHFTCILF 2007" crest.

Please feel free (after commenting here) to right-click, save and re-size this ground-breaking logo so you can showcase your social conscience on your own blog. Tie the image back to the permalink of this post so people all over the world can be educated and inspired to join the fight for blog comment equality!

Hopefully, with this passionate effort and your support of "I Still Haven't Found the Comments I'm Looking For," we will eradicate blog comment poverty!


Simba said...

I think I am the first commenter to your fabulous Post, Kukka. What an inspired project!

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

A very worthy cause, Empress. And how generous of you to donate your time & singing talent!

Spirit and Ezra said...

I light of this announcement, we have decided to de-lurk ourselves. We are longtime readers and first time commenters.

If our comments can help spread comment equality across the web, then you can count on our support.


Spirit and Ezra

Spirit and Ezra said...

PS - You are the coolest Empress ever.

Kukka-Maria said...

Sprit and counted as TWO comments! Way to be supportive! And, because I'm commenting back, it's actually THREE!

Holy crap! Bono will be so proud of you! :)

Kaze, Latte, or Chase said...

Bravo! I am completely behind your cause. I admit that I have a slight comment addiction and I get sad when my sister or brother get more than me.


Kaze, Latte, or Chase said...

I pledge my support 1,000%! The song brought a tear to my eye as well. Let make this happen!


Kaze, Latte, or Chase said...

I just think your hot. Merow! I realize you're a huge super star but I just wanted to tell you that.

P.S. Good cause too!

Kukka-Maria said... keep that up (plus beg a lot), and I'm going to have to add you to my Tomcat Stable!


Zeus said...

This is such an important movement, and I really would like to get involved. Can I sponsor a blogger for 19 cents a day, receive a letter, photograph, and monthly updates from my blogger, and know that I am making a difference in the process?

If so, sign me up.

I need the tax write-off, and I just want to sponsor you, Kukka.

I think you should make a button for this cause. I would like to share this organization/movement with others. :)

Aloysius said...

This is really a hoot, Kukka! Have you ever thought of submitting to the Carnival of Satire? Oh, my, just look it up.


Renee said...

Well here's my comment for the cause!

Renee said...

You wrote: "Cookie Director?"

"Cookie Training?"

Criminy! I didn't realize Thin Mints were such a tough business!

LOL! It's all been a big todo about nothing. The orders have been going very well and the last order I'm waiting for is DD's sheet that DH took to work with him. Then I can submit the entire thing. I think that Mrs Crankypants has got too much wind up her skirt.
I'm sad that our troop didn't sell very much, but that will mean less work for me in the sorting.

Furry Logic said...

Kukka, we don't know how you find the time out of your busy, super-sexy, whirlwind of a life to take on such a worthy cause. We support you 1000%!

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Such a worthy cause, Empress, and with you to back it, well, it should just take right off. Being a comment hound myself, I whole heartedly back this cause~Princess Zipporah

K T Cat said...

I fully support this wonderful crusade. I urge all participants to leave comments at as many blogs as possible.

Teena in Toronto said...

Count me in!

Shadow Saluki said...

Oh, BRAVO, Empress! Please sign me up for four bracelets ... One for each leg! And send some comments my way ... What's a poor beginning-blogger woofie to do when few visit? Big thanks to you and Mr. Vox for all that you're doing to spread the wealth in the third world of the blogosphere.

Shadow Saluki, novice blogger impoverished of comments

Hot(M)BC said...

Kukka, I fink my Mommy knows where yoo can get the silicone bracelets wif yore pikshur on them. Want me to ask her?

Cheysuli said...

I'm backing this 100%. In fact, it might even be a campaign platform. How many other candidates are out there working on the grassroots of what the country REALLY wants?!

Pink Chihuahua Princess said...

Do we have to give away twice as many comments since there are two of us chihuahuas?

This could be a little communistic, Kukka!

Lux said...

I love this post and think this is just the best idea!

Anonymouser said...

Kukka and Agent,
I notice the only logo you have on your mugs for sale at Cafe Press is the "I Heart Kukka" one. Would it be possible to have some others - like "Kukkin with Kukka", the "what do YOU think of Me" one, etc on the mugs? I would get them for a gift for somebody if you did!
Thanks and purrs

Fat Eric said...

Hoorah for Kukka!
A noble cause for all bloggers - we demand more comments!

Carmen said...

I'm here to make a difference, and to ask if you can get me a pair of those Bono sunglasses the two of you are sporting.

brandywine said...

I saw U2 in concert not too long ago and Bono made a very strong point. He hushed the crowd of thousands and spoke softly into the microphone. "Every time I clap my hands, The Empress Kukka-Maria gets a post" (Clap.......)it took him a long time till the next (Clap!...)hours, in fact. I'm not sure if he was trying to illustrate a point...or if it was just a very white Irish man trying to keep a beat. The crowd left the show that night informed, yet a little more confused. I hope I did the same.

Sparky Duck said...

I missed out on Live 8, Im not missing out on this

Mert said...

I too was comment impoverished at one time. It was heart breaking! I commend you and Bono for your efforts, but I wonder if we will really make a difference. :(

Kimo & Sabi said...

OMG Kukka - this is a great are always ahead of the curve! We will post the official permalink and image tonight!

liv said...

Kukka, you read my mind. I. heart. you! Especially when, you know, I leave those comments on the 'cool' blogs and then they don't show the love back. for shame!

jude cowell said...

Today is April 8--Easter Sunday--and Lim has only now found your smashing campaign--and Mr.A.Cat has given his yea vote for promoting such a worthy cause esp on behalf of blogging kitties everywhere!

jude, the typist for Mr.A. and Lim