Thursday, January 11, 2007

Thursday Thirteen, Edition #17

Yes, my Agent has been horribly sick, but I
stopped caring a long time ago. I present to you:

Thirteen Things I Accomplished Over
the Last Week, Instead of
Giving Two Shits About my Sick Agent.

  1. Pursued legal action against The Pussycat Dolls for getting me drunk and stealing my intellectual property (regarding the group's name, likeness and trashy choreography). I think it's clear who the ORIGINAL Pussycat Doll was...

  2. Wrote George W. Bush's presidential address. Too bad he decided to go with his own version...

  3. Hitch-hiked cross-country just to say I did it. On a side note, here's a shout-out to Hambone, who hosted me in his big rig as I crossed Kansas. Thanks for taking me to see the largest ball of twine, Hammy! Oh, and for cutting back on the hooch to keep me safe as I rode shotgun. Be careful with your drinking...I'd hate to hear your nickname had been changed to Pickled Liver!

  4. Met with Milton Bradley executives about my board game concept. It's a game based on the nightly conversation at our house and is titled, "Ok...Who Farted?" [Editor's Note: At our house, the answer is usually "Kukka."] There's quite a bit of pre-work (eating beans and broccoli), but the game is a riot and brings families together, primarily because they can't fight their way out of the fog of flatulence!

  5. Ding-dong-ditched at Britney Spears' new Beverly Hills home. I love seeing Brit chase me barefoot, with hair extensions in disarray, loose false eyelashes flapping in the breeze and a smoke dangling from her mouth. She should really do her research before blaming me! I hear new neighbor, Ed McMahon, is notorious for ringing doorbells...

  6. Guest judged for Bravo's Top Chef. I love the show. I love to eat. I love criticizing people. I was a natural choice! Plus, with Chef Tom Colicchio and I as sexy book-ends at the judges table...ratings are sure to soar!

  7. Knitted 17 pair of panties for Britney. Clearly, she doesn't have enough, based on the countless paparazzi photos of her business...her lady business. I knit them with my long and sharp claws. Apparently, when my Agent is sick, I am expected to go without my bi-weekly mani/pedi.

  8. Replaced all the remote control batteries with dead ones. Just to mess with my Agent's mental stability. As a result, she began listing "hallucinations" among her many symptoms. SCORE!

  9. Sold my Agent's codeine-packed, prescription cough syrup on the street. And when I say "sold," you know I really mean "traded for a few well-placed body scritches."

  10. Traveled to Africa with my gal-pal Madonna to adopt a wild, itty-bitty, baby lion cublet. With Madonna on my side, I expected to have little trouble breezing through the adoption process, but apparently, cats (royal or otherwise) are not legally able to adopt. I had to stow him in my carry-on. The bitch at customs forbade...forbade me from bringing him into the country! I've since learned he would have gotten a smidge larger and, actually, I think sharing a litter box with him would have been a nightmare. No love lost here.

  11. To prepare for my new venture into competitive eating, I scarfed a squillion pounds of hotdogs, hamburgers, meatballs and...believe it or not, okra. When I find a contest that involved licking my Agent's napkin and fingers when she eats salt and vinegar potato chips, I'm totally going to dominate!

  12. Mentored a group of underprivileged shelter kittens on the art of feline feminine seduction. Keep practicing, girls! Don't make me regret being charitable!

  13. Traveled to Las Vegas to accept a lifetime achievement honor at the Adult Video News Awards for "The Most Beautiful, Yet Furriest Pussy in the Industry." I'm assuming they mean the blogging industry, since I haven't made an adult film in years!


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


    Kung-Fu Bella said...

    Competitive eating? My god, what rock have I been under to miss this sport?

    You should create your own magazine.

    Carmen said...

    Kukka, you deserved that award in Las Vegas, even though you don't care that your agent is still sick. :)

    Renee said...

    I'm so glad that you've been keeping yourself busy and not just napping for this entire sickness. I do hope that your Agent isn't in too much pain since you swipped her cough medicine...those coughs can be very painful.
    And THANK YOU for knitting Brit some you think that she'll actually wear them? Maybe if you told her that they breath just like going commando.

    Sparky Duck said...

    you were shilling codeine and didnt call????

    George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

    #12 might be of interest to all girls, not just shelter kittens. Of course, since Mattingly and Speedy made their feelings known, Misty and I won't be needing any mentoring on that subject.


    my 2 cents said...

    Sounds like an extremely busy week... Africa, California. Thanks for supplying Britney with those much needed chonis... hope she'll put them to good use.

    Zeus said...

    Oh thank GAWD someone is looking out for that poor Brittney girl. I can't even imagine how embarassed she must be now that everyone knows she has no money for underwear. You're a true saint, Kukka, for looking out for her well-being.

    I also think Chef Tom and you would be a delightful pair on Top Chef. My human pet says to tell Sam and Ilan that she will always have room at her dining room table for them. If you could, please pass along the message.

    Your board game was also an amazing idea. I know my human pet's family plays this every holiday. You're a true marketing genius, and it is sure to sell!

    From the human pet:

    Thank you so much for the book, and I hope this means that we can let by-gones be by-gones now concerning my boyfriend, Johnny Depp. I'll call you, Kukka! Let's talk...about dropping me from your nasty-ass litter list!

    Debby said...

    Thanks for the giggle! Great list! Happy Thursday!

    Kukka-Maria said... are assuming I gifted the panties to Brit. Believe you me, I charged her $50 for each pair!

    As for your Human Pet? The book was from my Agent. Your Human Pet's feud is with me. I'll consider removing her from my Litter List if she swears off any man I claim and signs an affidavit to that fact.

    Then I'll consider it.

    The Meezers said...

    we play Ok Who Farted around here too, but sadly, the answer is always me. - Miles

    DaisyMae Maus said...

    Hmmm ... Imagine playing the flatulence game with your cublet? Think of the air biscuits he'd serve up!

    local girl said...

    DH's face should be on the cover of that game box!