and refused to exit my limo at the Golden Globes,
I did get an eye-full of "what-the-hell!"
on the Golden Globes' Red Carpet from
Behind the Tinted Windows of my Limo.
- Jack Nicholson auditioning for a role on Showtime's "Weeds." Or maybe he was just getting high. That might explain the sunglasses permanently attached to his face!
- A gaggle of lawyers chasing Sacha Baron Cohen down the red carpet in order to serve him legal papers. Apparently the lawsuits are not limited to his movie; he will get sued just looking super-sexy! Oh those eyes...
- Seal planting ANOTHER BABY into wife, Heidi Klum...or would that be Heidi Klum-Seal? I'm of the belief beautiful and talented beings should procreate, but come the eff on!
- Brad and Angelina negotiating with lawyers to adopt Madonna's African baby.
- Vanessa Williams and her rarely-seen twin brother...a moderately attractive lion.
- Helen Mirren's boob mistakenly escaping her gown. (If you call her reaching in and whipping it out a "mistake...")
- A very tardy Prince running down the empty red carpet and taking a nose-dive after tripping over one of his purple high heels. Thankfully make-up covers even the worst carpet burns!
- Justin and Cameron having a pre-show spat to rehearse for their 40-minute post-show spat at an after-party.
- The black bear from Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan devouring Mary-Kate Olsen (who was not actually attending the awards, but was just there for dinner...Altoids and sparkling water).
- Tom Hanks telling every single person on the red carpet, "You've got balls...and by 'balls,' I mean artistic vision." Remarkably, he still didn't say it as many times on the red carpet as he said it in his tribute speech to Warren Beatty!
- Johnny Depp. Or was that a homeless man?
- America Ferrera looking very NOT-ugly. Makes me regret not swallowing my pride and taking the offer to star in "Ugly Kukka" when the show was just an idealet (tiny idea) in ABC's mind.
- God. Seeing practically everyone thanks Him in their speeches, He decided to actually show up this year.
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