Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Calling in Sick

"Hello?"

"Um...[sniff, sniiiiiiiiff]...Agent?"

"Yes, Empress..."

"I'm not going to be able to...[exaggerated fake sneeze]...blog today."

"No? [yaaaaaaawn] And why is that?"

"An account of I'm sick."


[Awkward, pregnant pause]


"You're sick..."

"Yes. I think I have Mononucleosis."

"The 'kissing disease?' Wow! That sounds really terrible!"

"It's hurts something...[cough, cough]...fierce! I think I caught it from making out with Al Gore at the Vanity Fair Oscar after-party."

"That's quite an accusation you're making about the former Vice President. Are you sure you even met Mr. Gore, let alone kissed him? I mean, he's a marri..."

"Yep, I did. Listen. Is Mononucleosis covered on my HMO? Do I just automatically get a check from my insurance company for being sick or do I have to go pick it up or something? How does that work, exactly?"

"That's not how health insurance works, Kukka. But that's irrelevant, because you're not even insured."


[Silence.]


"If I'm not insured, what are you doing with all the money I give you each month?"

"You don't give me money. You have never given me money! Kukka, I think it's in your best interest to blog today. Not only will you NOT receive compensation for calling in sick, I'm going to have to pro-rate your monthly expenses and ask that you reimburse me for the food, water, and litter you intend use today."

"Hold up! I just saw on the Good Morning America news ticker that Al Gore's Mono has been cured by a mix of cat treats and Vodka!"

"Well, I guess there might be hope for you, yet! Meet me in the kitchen, diva..."

12 comments:

Cheysuli said...

Kukka-Maria, Al Gore was with me at the party Zevo Calamari reported on. I KNOW you weren't there--you were over with Georgia Clooney. Are you sure HE doesn't have mono?

The Meezers said...

what about cat-treat flavored vodka? would that help? - Miles

Kaze, Latte, or Chase said...

That sounds terrible. Doesn't your agent offer workman's comp? You were injured on the job after all..

Chase

Renee said...

Poor Al...he's gotta eat Cat Treats and drink vodka. Hummm that might explain some things though. ha ha ha ha!

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Not your best moment, my dear, but I think the entire fiasco, along with your resulting illness can be blamed on your agent. After all, it's HER fault you showed up on the wrong night and hence, HER fault you got sick. Whatever you pay her, it's too much. Oh wait, she claims you don't pay her anything. Well, no matter, she should still cover your expenses for vodka...er, I mean cough medicine!

George

susan said...

that's the one combo we haven't tried here yet Kukka! thanks for the tip for next time we're puny! glad you're ...ahem... feeling better! :)

Carmen said...

you're the only one I know that would call in sick to blogging and yet still write a longer post than me. ;)

DaisyMae Maus said...

Hmmm ... Your "cure" for mono might explain why Former VP Gore has had the stage presence of a block of wood for the past twenty-five years or so ...

I do kinda wonder why you were tickling tonsils with him, though ... Isn't that "sloppy seconds"? You're better off smoochin' your way through the Tomcat Stable ... Or stoppin' by to kiss Lucky Charmz ... He still pines for you, Kukka.

DMM

Zeus said...

For someone who was sick, you sure write funny stuff! How DO you do it? ;)

One of us said...

What is the world coming to when an Empress can't even call in sick? Hm, we ask you........ ~Merlin, SHadow, Ko kO

Teena said...

I hope you're feeling better. Poor you :(

Sparky Duck said...

psst Kukka, you should have gone with the Wolfgang Puck story and the hepatitis.