by Punxsutawney Phil
Happy ME Day, everybody!
Can you believe it? I did not see my shadow this morning! That means Spring is just around the corner! While the air is crisp and cold, I can smell the tree buds as they prepare to burst into beautiful, green leaves!
Can you hear the blades of grass waking up from their winter slumber? The snow has packed them down, but as we all know, they will stand tall again...and very soon! Remember? I did not see my shadow and we know I'm the boss of Spring!
I got a phone call this morning from my step-brother, a Black Bear named Steve, who has been hibernating all winter long. I was surprised to hear from him, as I thought his heart-rate and breathing would still be slow as, in almost a comatose state, he'd be dreaming of all the fun we're going to have this Spring (as long as he doesn't get shot...again). He said that he had been in a deep sleep, but was awakened when it was announced on Good Morning America that I had not seen my shadow.
"It's Spring, bitch!" he thundered.
"Slow down..." I chuckled. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, brother! It's not here yet, but it's coming very soon! You might want to consider catching a few more winks, Steve. We all know you get a little fussy when you don't get enough hibernation time."
To sum up?
- There is a day that celebrates ME!
- I did not see my shadow this morning.
- My Groundhog mom married a Black Bear (long before it was socially acceptable).
- And SPRING IS COMING SOON!
I don't need to see my shadow to know Spring is far, far away.
I just need to look outside my window at the squillion inches of snow, watch my Agent scrape ice off her car windows and shovel the sidewalk (which is hilarious, by the way), and burrow under the covers because the skank turns the heat down when she's gone during the day.
Who gives a crap about a ridiculous groundhog somewhere in Pennsylvania?
Give the Steve my number, though...he sounds super-sexy.