Thursday, February 01, 2007

Thursday Thirteen, Edition #20

Each and every weekend, my Agent, the whore, joins her friends at her favorite local watering-hole to engage, on our behalf, in what she calls a "Daddy Hunt."

Apparently, she thinks we need a man in our lives (her life, mostly). It's clear what she's looking for in a man, but it doesn't appear she's considering what I need in a father.

To help her narrow the Daddy Demographic, may I present:

Thirteen "Must-Haves" that make
a Sufficient Human Father for an Empress

  1. MUST HAVE a genuine affection for cats (not just lip-service to get in my Agent's pants) and no cat allergies! This is one my Agent seems to consistently disregard, claiming a little convincing and Claritin can effectively bridge the gap.

  2. MUST HAVE no qualms about sharing the passenger side of the bed with moi (read: sleeping around me), as my seniority and super-sexiness will obviously trump his physical size and strength.

  3. MUST HAVE the time, commitment, and desire to accompany Brach to his Tomcat Scout meetings and help him make his pine box derby car for his Making Stupid Shit Badge. My Agents sucks at wood-work.

  4. MUST HAVE a large and powerful frame to act as a barrier between me and the rabid paparazzi. A black-belt in a martial art is a plus.

  5. MUST HAVE a wardrobe that matches my fur so I don't have to hear another human in the house bitch and moan about my shedding.

  6. MUST HAVE "careless" fingers that "accidentally" drop food on the floor so I don't have to beg or try to steal dinner directly from his plate.

  7. MUST HAVE an attractive car that accentuates my super-sexiness when I travel to red-carpet events (or *choke* to the vet).

  8. MUST HAVE a six-pack. Not solid abs...a six pack of beer at all times. I likey my ale!

  9. MUST HAVE large, strong, beefy thighs of steel to adequately cradle my ample frame on the couch each evening...all evening...without a single whine or complaint.

  10. MUST HAVE considerably colossal hands (preferably a tad calloused for my pleasure) that can cover large areas of my fur as he pets me non-stop...all evening...while I'm cradled on his lap.

  11. MUST HAVE a steadfast commitment to putting the toilet seat down so Brach, that filthy little boy, can't drink from the bowl.

  12. MUST HAVE strong forearms with which to hoist the massive clumps of my business from the litter box. Also, must recognize the box should be scooped far earlier than when you can smell it from the other room (make a note, Agent).

  13. MUST HAVE the ginormous, brass balls required to rebel against my Agent and give us treats when she denies us. Stones of steel also acceptable.


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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


Renee said...

Those sound like reasonable requests to me.

I'm sure the Agent has her own list too.

I know that when I was out hunting the most important thing on my list was "Must have a car that is as good as my brand new car or better." And while that seems a bit materialistic, the thing was I had just been living with a guy who had less than stellar transportation and ended up stuck at home most of the time...and then my first date out of the blocks was with a guy who chose to meet me at a place that was walking distance from his appartment because his car was on the charger. Yeah, Like I'm gonna be seen in that "dump-mobile!" Plueeze!

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Yes, those qualifications seem quite reasonable to me. Perhaps if you accompanied your agent on these weekend manhunts, she'd have better luck and you could pre-qualify potential candidates.


Susan said...

Kukka, man you are so lucky we only have Susan and she has the littlest friggin hands im serious man. At least she let me comment on your blog since she finaly put picturs of us up on her TT today. she made me add Lucy's name on the linkie thoug. take it easy Kukka.
from SAM not Susan

Sparky Duck said...

Dont you think your agent will have huge huge problems with 9 and 10. You know cutting into her time?

The Meezers said...

MOOOOMMMMM - we need a new dad. ours doesn't meet any of these requirements, and we finks that they are good requirements. no, we doesn't care that you had the daddy years 'afore you gotted us. - Miles

Zeus said...

It sounds like you have all of the qualifications listed that make a terrific Dad. I can't really think of anything else to add.

Did you make a checklist your Agent can bring with her to the watering hole so potential applicants can fill it out and apply?

jeterharris said...

i am laffin an laffin!
dat wuz one funnee thursday 13!

Nathalie said...

Those are the perfect qualifications, I must read them out to Prop once - I think he'll definitely cheer for #2. He needs his space in the bed.

Teena said...

Are you sure you didn't miss anything! That's quite a list :)

Mine's up too :)

Lux said...

That was some list! But you *must have what you desire and it's best to make things perfectly clear upfront.

beingmccrary said...

What about a dedicated 95.7 listener? I don't know...just a thought that I've always thought!