To set the record straight, may I present:
I am Anna Nicole's Baby's Father.
- With my gray coat, and her money goggles, she mistook me as a rich, old geezer and seduced me.
- I have room in my bank account for a few hundred, million dollars.
- Dannielynn has my long eyelashes...and whiskers.
- Anna Nicole and I had one passionate night together, during which there was a lot of heavy-petting, tummy rubs, ear scritches and crazy quantities of Methadone.
- TrimSpa, baby!
- She might have her mother's baby blues, but she has my vertical pupils!
- I am a medical marvel! Yes, I am a spayed female feline, but those veterinary idiots underestimated me when they never thought to check for testicles. I'm so potent, I could knock a bitch up just by throwing my underwear on the bed!
- My legal name is Dannielynn Hope, Sr.
- She has my non-surgically-enhanced, multiple nipples.
- All the cool kids are claiming paternity...and we all know who leads that clique!
- If you remove the baby's bright, red acrylic nails, you'll see some fierce kitty claws!
- "Like my body? I was honored to be on our...next performer's new video...and if I ever record an album...I want this [cat] to produce m-mine...and make me beauuuutiful duets!"
- I went on Larry King and claimed paternity! 'Nough said!
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