I've written about her negligence in "26 Reasons Britney Spears is No Longer Allowed to Cat Sit for Us." I've even written an open letter to her, in which I communicate my concern for how her recent nutty-nut-job behavior will affect her bound-to-be-felonious children!
For those of you taking a well-deserved break from 24-HR BRITNEY WATCH (is she in rehab or isn't she?!), please have a seat and kick up your feet.
I've always suspected my dear fan and loyal reader, Daisymae Maus, was brilliant, but this week she has proven it beyond a shadow of a doubt! Based on her suggestion, may I present:
of Britney Spears' Children.
- A litter box is better than sitting around in a dirty diaper all day!
- At our house, we are free-fed nutritious kibble...as far as the eye can see. There will never be another meal of Hot Cheeto Mush for those kids!
- They won't be at risk from improper car seat use (or none at all). I'll just stick them in pet carriers!
- I would rename them with appropriate monikers for the children of a royal feline blogging celebrity. Something like Apple, Banjo, Maddox or Bogart. Or, maybe Kukka-Mario and Kukko?
- I'm convinced Rhett Butler was thinking of Britney when he said, "A cat's a better mother than you."
- While they seem to be beyond the ages of suckling the teat, my mama's milk is does a body good and is far less dangerous than the toxic silicone mixture leaking from Britney's nipples.
- You know how they say dogs help men pick up women? These kids are going to make me an effing tomcat magnet!
- As their guiding light, I will instill in them a positive image of REAL women--that pussies are meant to have hair!
- Carrying them in my mouth, by the scruffs of their necks will make it virtually impossible for me to drop them in a paparazzi storm.
- GOOD NEWS! The nicotine patches they will require to rid themselves from their second-hand smoke addiction are covered on my HMO!
- This last Christmas, Santa brought the boys Walmart bags, empty Red Bull cans and loose hair extensions. This Christmas, Santa will bring them stimulating and educational toys like fake mice, milk jug rings and hair ties.
- Someone needs to teach them that cigarette butts are not teething rings.
- Their millions of dollars of inheritance come with them, right?
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!