Thursday, February 22, 2007

Thursday Thirteen, Edition #23

I've written about her negligence in "26 Reasons Britney Spears is No Longer Allowed to Cat Sit for Us." I've even written an open letter to her, in which I communicate my concern for how her recent nutty-nut-job behavior will affect her bound-to-be-felonious children!

For those of you taking a well-deserved break from 24-HR BRITNEY WATCH (is she in rehab or isn't she?!), please have a seat and kick up your feet.

I've always suspected my dear fan and loyal reader, Daisymae Maus, was brilliant, but this week she has proven it beyond a shadow of a doubt! Based on her suggestion, may I present:

Thirteen Reasons I Should be
of Britney Spears' Children

  1. A litter box is better than sitting around in a dirty diaper all day!

  2. At our house, we are free-fed nutritious far as the eye can see. There will never be another meal of Hot Cheeto Mush for those kids!

  3. They won't be at risk from improper car seat use (or none at all). I'll just stick them in pet carriers!

  4. I would rename them with appropriate monikers for the children of a royal feline blogging celebrity. Something like Apple, Banjo, Maddox or Bogart. Or, maybe Kukka-Mario and Kukko?

  5. I'm convinced Rhett Butler was thinking of Britney when he said, "A cat's a better mother than you."

  6. While they seem to be beyond the ages of suckling the teat, my mama's milk is does a body good and is far less dangerous than the toxic silicone mixture leaking from Britney's nipples.

  7. You know how they say dogs help men pick up women? These kids are going to make me an effing tomcat magnet!

  8. As their guiding light, I will instill in them a positive image of REAL women--that pussies are meant to have hair!

  9. Carrying them in my mouth, by the scruffs of their necks will make it virtually impossible for me to drop them in a paparazzi storm.

  10. GOOD NEWS! The nicotine patches they will require to rid themselves from their second-hand smoke addiction are covered on my HMO!

  11. This last Christmas, Santa brought the boys Walmart bags, empty Red Bull cans and loose hair extensions. This Christmas, Santa will bring them stimulating and educational toys like fake mice, milk jug rings and hair ties.

  12. Someone needs to teach them that cigarette butts are not teething rings.

  13. Their millions of dollars of inheritance come with them, right?


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!


Carmen said...

yes, but you'd never get to sleep, and you'd ruin those nips of yours by breastfeeding :)

Renee said...

Actually it's pregnancy that ruins breasts & nipples so Kukka has avoided that by adopting.

I think this is the perfect solution for those boys. Kukka would be a much better mother than Brittney.

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Between the Spears kids money and the loot you'll get from the A-N Smith baby, you'll never have to work again. Great decision, Kukka. Please remember all your poor, devoted subjects when you're incredibly wealthy.

susan said...

who wouldn't want Kukka for a mom instead of some crazy bald tattood person who doesn't know enough to stay in rehab?? yikes! go Kukka!!!

Kaze, Latte, or Chase said...

I can't argue with those reasons, and I agree, it would give them a much better life to live with you and grown up with a true star who knows how to deal with the paparazzi properly.


Sparky Duck said...

#8 had me spitting Gatorade all over the place

K T Cat said...

How about this?

"I'm warm, furry and I make a pleasant sound when stroked. I'm a natural sleep inducer for those nights when they'e cranky!"

Teena said...

Ha! Great list! What's up with Brit these days?

Mine's up too :)

Karen Jo said...

Those are all very good reasons why you would make a better mother than Britney. I especially like #3. #13 is probably the best reason for you, though.

Furry Logic said...

If you don't take them Kukka, we will. Someone needs to give those poor human blurpy things a chance at a semi-normal life. God help them.

Furry Logic said...

Another thing...

Who would ever have thought that K-Fed was the sane, responsible member of the family????

DaisyMae Maus said...

Kukka, honey ... From your lips to the judge's ears. You'd be a FAR BETTER mama to them than ol' Baldylocks!