"I'm not going to be able to blog today."
"No? [Rolling eyes] And why is that?"
"An account of I'm sick."
"Yes. I have Spring Fever, something fierce."
"I see...are you sure it might not be a ploy to enjoy a 3-day weekend?"
"How dare you, ma'am! How dare you suggest..."
"Kukka, what are your symptoms?"
"Well, I'm running a fever, of course. Says so right in the name. I have a hard time harnessing my creative energy as I find myself staring out the window, wishing the snow away. Oh, and severe diarrhea."
"Empress, do you think the diarrhea might be due to your insistence on trying to eat people food...like that cheese last night?"
"The colby-jack I sliced for some crackers, left on a plate on the coffee table and promptly found your tongue all over merely moments later."
"I know nothing of which you speak."
"Yes, you do."
"Listen, woman, I have Spring Fever! I am delirious! I am irrational! I am not to be held accountable for my bizarre and deviant behavior!"
"So, what can I be doing to make you more comfortable as you struggle to deal with your affliction?"
[Rustling in background.] "Yes, treats. And lots of them. Oh, and a full-body massage. Helps temper the torment ravaging my poor, little body."
"Kukka, what is that rustling in the background? Did you get into the tampons again?"
"TAMPONS?! What are you inferring? I can't belieeeeeeve you'd even suggest..."
"Damn it, Kukka-Maria! I can forgive you for draining my cell phone minutes calling me, repeatedly, from within my own home, but if I open this closet door and find you chewing on tampons, you are going to be on the business-end of an epic hissy fit!"
"Did I say 'Spring Fever?' I meant to say I can't blog today because I'm on my period. Crampy...fussy...bitchy...nothing a few good pieces of cheese couldn't cure!"
"Well, that actually explains a few things, Empress. Carry on."