Monday, March 12, 2007

Calling in Sick, Part 3

"Hello?"

"Um...Agent?"

"Yes, Empress..."

"I'm not going to be able to blog today."

"No? [Rolling eyes] And why is that?"

"An account of I'm sick."


[Awkward pause.]


"You're sick..."

"Yes. I have Spring Fever, something fierce."

"I see...are you sure it might not be a ploy to enjoy a 3-day weekend?"

"How dare you, ma'am! How dare you suggest..."

"Kukka, what are your symptoms?"

"Well, I'm running a fever, of course. Says so right in the name. I have a hard time harnessing my creative energy as I find myself staring out the window, wishing the snow away. Oh, and severe diarrhea."


[Silence.]


"Empress, do you think the diarrhea might be due to your insistence on trying to eat people food...like that cheese last night?"


[Awkward silence.]


"What cheese?"

"The colby-jack I sliced for some crackers, left on a plate on the coffee table and promptly found your tongue all over merely moments later."

"I know nothing of which you speak."


[Silence.]


"Yes, you do."

"Listen, woman, I have Spring Fever! I am delirious! I am irrational! I am not to be held accountable for my bizarre and deviant behavior!"


[Silence.]


"So, what can I be doing to make you more comfortable as you struggle to deal with your affliction?"

"Treats."

"Treats...?"

[Rustling in background.] "Yes, treats. And lots of them. Oh, and a full-body massage. Helps temper the torment ravaging my poor, little body."

"Kukka, what is that rustling in the background? Did you get into the tampons again?"

"TAMPONS?! What are you inferring? I can't belieeeeeeve you'd even suggest..."

"Damn it, Kukka-Maria! I can forgive you for draining my cell phone minutes calling me, repeatedly, from within my own home, but if I open this closet door and find you chewing on tampons, you are going to be on the business-end of an epic hissy fit!"


[Silence.]


"Did I say 'Spring Fever?' I meant to say I can't blog today because I'm on my period. Crampy...fussy...bitchy...nothing a few good pieces of cheese couldn't cure!"

"Well, that actually explains a few things, Empress. Carry on."

9 comments:

The Meezers said...

Spring Fever - I fink I has that too. I just stare and stare out the window and beg for treats too. -miles

Furry Logic said...

ladies days=chronic bitchiness...yup that is Kukka. We still love her though!

Renee said...

so you mean to tell me that chewing on tampons helps to relieve menstral symptoms??? and here I've been using them in the wrong end for all these years!!!

Sparky Duck said...

Is where you live a "At Will State", Kukka? Because I could see you getting fired for job abadonment soon.

Ayla said...

Spring Fever? I think that is spreading. The Mom said she had it too. If I had it I know I wouldn't want to work.

Artsy Catsy said...

Kukka, be proud to be a bitch! I am! You know what it means? ...

B eautiful
I ntelligent
T alented
C at
H ighness

Callie

William said...

Spring fever sure looks good on you, though...

Karen Jo said...

Spring fever is all over the place these days. You look like you have a very bad case of it, Kukka. Of course, that little smile on your face sort of ruins the "poor little sick kitty-cat" effect.

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Let me get this straight...chewed tampons, cheese thievery, and general crabbiness is a symptom of...PMS. From the mouth of the goddess to us paeons, a new path to the road of period-tolerance. Amen!