Friday, March 02, 2007

It's Not Me; It's You...

**UPDATE: This is not a resignation letter. I am not shutting down my blog. This is just a "Dear John..." letter to those CRAZY cat ladies (with an extra dose of "crazy") toting their laptops and negativity around the blogosphere.

82% of the cat blogging community will not find themselves reflected in this letter. [Editor's Note: These figures are not based on actual data.] I am just inviting the other 18% to join me in being honest about our relationship and to remove my link from their cat blogrolls, as I no longer identify myself with them.**

Dear Crazy Cat Bloggers,

We need to talk.

We've been together for over a year. We've had laughter; we've had tears. I've scratched your belly; you've scratched mine. Over all, we've had an eventful relationship for which I will always be grateful.

Having said that, I am breaking up with you.

Stop crying! Seriously. If you cry, then I will cry. Shit. This is going to be harder than I feared.

Listen, I think we have different ideas of what we are looking for from our blogging experiences. I am seeking laughter with a smidge of honesty and a healthy dash of fantasy, served on a silver platter of sanity. You seem to be looking for a vehicle that fosters your need to overly identify with your pet, strokes your seemingly fragile ego and provides ample opportunity to be both paranoid and judgmental.

See? Neither is right nor wrong...just different.

Remember our mutual friend, Mad Moses Kitty? When his parents sent him to live in the barn at their friends' farm because of his bladder issues, they were kind enough to create closure with an explanatory post--almost a year ago. I was touched by their honesty, their candor and vulnerability. Clearly, it was a tough and emotional decision that they did not approach lightly. Many other cat bloggers agreed with me and expressed their love and support for Moses' family.

You, on the other hand, condemned them, suggesting they were only thinking of themselves and not the well-being of their pet. I was embarrassed that you did this not only in their comments, but on your own blogs. It was difficult for me not to address you then, as I was very frustrated and angry with your behavior. Instead of offering you constructive criticism, I realized that just as Moses' family had a right to share what they wanted, you did too. And, if I didn't like what I was reading, I was free to not read it. Instead of telling you that I needed space, I just created it by not visiting your blogs and removing you from my links. I still secretly hoped, though, that you would still love me and visit me regularly. I wanted space, but I wasn't ready to make a clean break from you.

I am now.

This week, I was especially repulsed by your behavior. One of my illustrious Tomcat Stable members, Zeus, hosted a Mr. Litterbox Contest for sexy and talented tomcats. Meant to be an imaginative and entertaining break from reality, it wasn't long before you turned it into a back-biting and cut-throat competition.

I was turned off by the comments that introduced entire church congregations (numbering in the thousands) "voting" for a single cat. I became uneasy when the pencil-whipped family members came out of the woodwork to display their loyalty (conveniently through their own nominees' sign-ons). I was slightly nauseous when it appeared people were cutting/pasting/editing others' votes. I even threw up in my mouth a little bit at the first accusations of falsifying ballots and the whispered demands of a recount.

Crazy Cat Bloggers, it was a fake cat beauty contest. It was supposed to be fun! Zeus not only had a creative idea, he even offered to buy shit for you. With his own money! Which is limited, due primarily to the fact he lives in a human-crazed, speciest society that deems him virtually unemployable!

But that's another issue entirely.

When Mad Moses Kitty's reality was too pissed on it. When Zeus' contest was too shat.

It is no secret we were strongly attracted to one another in the beginning and our relationship was mutually beneficial. I sent traffic your way; you sent readers mine. I think, as time has passed, our insurmountable differences have become undeniable. You identify too strongly with your cat. You think other humans, are proud of you when your cat wins a fake online beauty contest. And, while I am fluent in Meow, this Meowglish hybrid language you over-use (and I lovingly refer to as "CatSpeak"), is so baffling at times, my head spins when I read your writing.

You've taken it over the top and I've come to know that I'm just not that into you. I like you, but I don't like you like that. It's not me; it's you. _____________________ (Insert appropriately apathetic break-up cliché here).

I think cat blogging is supposed to be creative, fun and satisfying. My goal is to write stuff I want to read and, if I'm lucky, find an audience that understands, supports and wants to read me, too. You seem to want to have everyones' creative outlet to look exactly like yours. I've realized that, while I am a super-sexy and very influential feline, I will never be able to change you. And you know what? I don't want to change you! I want you to find what you're looking for in this magical place we call "the internets." It just won't be with me, I'm afraid.

Crazy Cat Bloggers, when you talk of this with your friends...and I know you will...please be kind. Know that I loved you the best I knew how and that I never wanted to hurt you. I've learned a lot from you and I wish you well in your future blogging endeavors.

No hard feelings, huh?
The Empress

[Editor's Note: Not all cat bloggers are crazy cat bloggers. Not all CatSpeak is annoying. Not all Mr. Litterbox voters were nuts.]


Zeus said...

Oh Empress...

[Hands Kukka a tall bottle of Jack Daniels and settles next to her.]

Look what Le Bones sent me! Why don't we sit down and have a sip?

The Meezers said...

Oh God no Kukka. Please don't stop. Now our mommy is crying all over again. this is just terrible.

Kukka-Maria said...

Precious Meezers, I will never stop blogging! This is not a resignation letter, but a letter breaking up with a former love.

After this week, I've just learned that I and they are different. We want different things and, instead of telling them they shoud change, I just need to look elsewhere for my blogging delight.

My daily visits to you and the rest of my Tomcat Stable will remain a staple of my blogging diet. You boys (along with a squillion other moderately-crazy cat bloggers) are the GOOD kind of crazy!

Wipe your mom's tears with your scratchy tongue. I think she'll like the sandpaper feel on that very-sensitive eyelid skin. I know my Agent does(n't)!

:* Kisses!

Cheysuli said...

You go girl. At comment 275 or so where we ended our "ballot stuffing" of approximately 6 or 7 comments, it was cute. At comment 500 it was somewhat offensive. I am glad that those who were stuffing outrageously have stepped up to apologize. I tend to like to put the best spin on things and hope that what they have said about this being in fun is true. Really they had more to do with hurting each other, not Zeus.

You have some valid points that all we all need to think about Kukka-Maria. In a way our blogs are our homes--at least in virtual space. We should treat the ones we visit with respect.

We can be as silly as we want in our places and if people don't like us, then they don't have to visit. It's another to inflict that on the comments of another person's blog.

Kukka-Maria said...

See, Chey!? That is why you have my vote in 2008. That is, if cats will be allowed to vote after this last fiasco! ;)

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Here, here, Chey. Speedy didn't enter because, well, mom just doesn't have time to pimp him. Sadie and Speedy voted once each, but in the beginning we really enjoyed reading some of the wacky votes. We understood that the entire thing was suppose to be fun. Now, mom wants to know where she's suppose to keep up with the pop culture. Seriously, if not for Kukka she wouldn't know anything about Britney, her kids or anyone else that makes more money than they're worth!

Kaze, Latte, or Chase said...

That is why I love Chey. She's really smart and that's why I'm going to be her background Tom because I agree with every word she said. You're right Kukka, I guess that's why you are the Empress.


Sophia, The Diva Kitty said...

Pass the JD Mr. Z and Kukka, amen to that!

George, Tipper, Max & Misty said...

Kukka, my dear, I'm finding it hard to find the right words. Let me just say we've laughed and cried over your confessions and delighted in your creativity and bold statements on life. Many times we applauded your courage, unafraid and unashamed as you are, saying what the rest of us couldn't.

We agree, Zeus had a brilliant idea and we had fun creating Max's entry. But what should have been a fun thing, got out of hand. I doubt Zeus ever dreamed it might result in the end of Kukka-Maria!

All we can hope is that, after a short break you'll have a change of heart, rethink your decision and realize that you can't stand being away from those of us who love you. You need a creative outlet and we hope you'll return to us.


Sadie said...

Dude. I was so confused this morning. I voted so early on and missed the rest of the drama I didn't know what the heck was going on.

Anyway. I'm glad you're not quitting. I lurk here a lot, and I enjoy reading your blog...

My cats like it, too, but they can speak for themselves (*snort*).

Victor Tabbycat said...

Aw, geez. I'm not efun sure what happened, but I fink sum cat bloggers got carried away an feelins got hurt when we was aposed to be hafin fun. I fink the Internets is big enuf fur all of us an sumtimes we haf to step back, take a catnap an stare out the window, then come back an do the bloggin we want to do; skip the bloggin we want to skip; an don't hurt anyone fur real. It's all fun an games til someone pokes an eye out. I don't want anyone to stop bloggin!

the Mother from Furry Logic said...

All we can say Kukka is please don't go. I love your blog! But I do understand how you feel. I hadn't a clue all of that was going on with the contest. It is kind of sad really.

Cat blogging is supposed to be about sharing our sweet cats with others. Sharing all the cute little things they do, playing with a string, breaking Ming vases, pooing on the new carpet. Cat guardians commiserating with eachother. The contests are for the humans and for their own creativity. They have nothing to do with how wonderful our cats really are. The humans have totally forgotten that cats really just don't care about any of that stuff. Give a cat a warm place to nap, stinky goodness, a spot of sunshine and a simple blog, and they will be just fine.

Although my cats don't live the fantastical, super-sexy life like you do, Kukka, they too have taken a step back from the wild and crazy world the Cat Blogosphere has become. They are to busy watching birds and napping to share in all the "days". As for contests, as Badness said, "who gives a S***. I already know I am the most wonderful cat in the world. I don't need anyone to tell me that."

My cats just wanna have fun!

Furry Logic said...

You aren't resigning!?!?! Yeah!!!! Cuz we love your blog!

Scooby, Shaggy & Scout said...

We thought at first the competition was strictly "place your vote" which we did, early on, then never went back.
Wed. evening we got a call from Beau's mom asking if we were following the voting and we said no.
She told abut how it's all gone crazy with the ballot stuffing and how other cats were starting to vote on anything they could think of.
She asked if we could get there by Midnight and do a little stuffing of our own it would help Beau's side.
We didn't think that was ok and went back to check the original comments by Zeus which said vote often.
So "I went to town." Thought up every name of friends & acquaintences I could think of and threw in my church and a hockey team for fun.
That's what I thought it was too, FUN.
Then I got an e-mail about the voting and then someone cut & pasted my comments onto their comments, and changed all the references to Beau to Skeezix.
At that point I realized this is outta control and I wanted no part in it. Again, I thought it was in fun and by requesting ballot stuffing Zeus wanted to see how high the voting could get.
I am sorry for my part in this, and have lost the taste for blogging as well.
The boys have gone into "hibernation."
Lynne - SSS's Mom

Marilynn said...

Oh, I hope you don't quit blogging. (I do see that you wrote that this is not a resignation letter.) My daughter writes for a newspaper/politics-blog, and she has taken some "hits" from a few people around here who don't like to be poked at! She gets upset, of course. Who wouldn't? But she also keeps posting -- otherwise, those nay-sayers win, and she doesn't want to give them the satisfaction.

Let's all keep doing what we like best -- having fun with our friends and furrends!

Cheysuli said...

You know for those who have "lost the taste" for blogging. I hope you don't leave. We all make faux pas sometimes but we apologize and move on. Ultimately it was all in fun, but I think that Marina, Zeus and Kukka are pointing out that this got out of hand and like good parents they are trying to remind all of us that it wasn't appropriate.

We don't have to slink home in "failure" but we ought to learn from this experience and remember that when we cut loose we do have an audience here and maybe their blog isn't the place to completely cut loose.

Kukka is "breaking up" with certain elements of the blogosphere. She's not asking them to cease to exist. Good heavens--when was the last time someone broke up with you and asked that of you (assuming I'm not addressing Tom Cruise about his break up with Kukka Maria)?

IDIC. Kukka is just wandering off to find some diversity she likes a bit better. Those of us who really like her blog can stay and hang out and fawn as much as we like.

Riley & Tiki said...

We are glad you are staying.

The Meezers said...

mom wants to know if there is any of that "JD" stuff left. - Miles

Sparky Duck said...

Lord knows I am crazy, whether I blog about my cats or not. But thanks for encapsulating my thoughts so much better then I could have. Though my recount reference was a Blue State joke

Grr, Midnight & Cocoa said...

We didn't enter the contest or vote. We love and adore Zeus, and all the contestants, but we're just not that into competition. We're into fev-ver butt mousies and Temptations. We don't usually comment, but we love reading your blog and your comments on other blogs. Thank you for this post, and the comments that replied to it, because now we've got some idea of what's going on. Our Lady can't access Zeus's blog from work because her firewall blocks the word "sex", which is in the middle of his address:

Lady Jane Scarlett said...

Kukka, You are always welcome into Howie's paws. He's been meowing at the door ever since I showed him your super-sexy pictures...waiting for you to come to him. Forget all these fancy "Mr. Litterbox" pansies, and take a sweet, honest, and (in his own right) sexy kitty into your tomcattery. He'll snuggle with you all night long, just how you like it. Afterall, it takes a real Man-cat to admit he has no tail. Until away!

Hazel said...

You go, girl. Keep doing what you do best, and don't let the crazy cat bloggers keep you down!

Fun and games are great, but when the claws come out -- it's time to hiss and mark your corner. Well done!

Spirit and Ezra said...

Ezra sez... I'm relly glad yur not leafing us Kukka. We Luff You!

Spirit sez... We didn't vote in the contest cause our Momma thinks these contests are like high school elections, were its all about how popular you are, and not how qualified you are.

Ezra sez... We still like Skeezix, but we don't think cheating is a good quality in a Mr. Litterbox

momsbusy said...

i drop in an visit your blog once in awhile. i don't have time to leave comments at every blog but i do read. it would be a shame for those involved to quit blogging. i like the idea of letting each go their own paths. i feel if you don't like a blog don't visit but don't ruin it for everyone else.

sammawow-china cat-willow said...

We're glad you will still be here. We visit your blog but this is the first time to comment. We'll be back!

China Cat & Willow

Anonymous said...

Dear Kukka and Editor/Agent,

I really enjoyed your comments and am glad that you are open to all of us exploring the blogs that we like. I am surprised at how out of control the contest became, but it really had nothing to do with Zeus or Marina. I love your writing Kukka - your viewpoints and satire are guaranteed chuckles.

Eric and Flynn said...

We agree with what you have said, and are glad you are not leaving. Although we do not leave comments very often, we read your blog regularly and enjoy it.This whole thing has just got out of hand and is best forgotten about. There are a lot more serious things happening in the world to worry about.

Beau Beau & Angie said...

We're really stupid coz we can't figure out who you are breaking up with! We do enjoy reading your blog when we get a chance. Glad to see you're going to continue on. The Empress must have her court.

Lone Star Purrs said...

Pass the JD this way please!!! We agree totally wif you on this. We *thankfully* missed all of the goings-on from the past few days. We haven't been by recently, but were faithful readers in the past.
~Meeko, Kiara, & Emmy

Fuzzybear said...

Guess what, Kukka? I'm freakin' ecstatic that you just might be leaving the internets. I can't believe it finally came to this, and if I knew that this is all it would take, I would have had simply emailed you repeatedly with lines like, "Puhleese Kookah, maree me!" or "I lub yooz lotz!" or even "Git en da kechun an' bayck mez sum pii!"

Go ahead and make my day, Kukka. Drop off the face of this freakin' earth and never come back! Never! N-E-V-E-R!

Or should I say N-E-F-U-R!


Gotcha, bitch!

Kukka-Maria said... made my night! I heart you.

You had me at "internets." Oh, and "pii."

Too effing funny.

Hot(M)BC said...

I think the PC term these days is... oh nevermind... I'm just crazy.


Chaotic Cat said...

Yowzerz ...

Thank goodness Damien didn't enter he even has the balls to actually be a tom cat :)

Big Piney Woods Cats said...

Now I know why you dropped our link, because we felt sorry for Moses. Our thoughts on that haven't changed as we clean up after Mittens, who has real problems now. We are trying to make her as comfortable and happy as possible.

CalicoMom Toni

The Meezer Gang said...

We're new to the cat blogging, and we enjoy your thoughts, Kukka...We are glad that you will not be shutting down!

Derby said...

Consider yourself hugged. Pass it on.

Finnegan & Buddy said...

Empress Kukaa, we are furry happy that yore not leaving us.

Please tell Brach that I have hugged him for Mu Shue's hug a cat day and he shood visit owr blog to lern more.

Thank you yore Most Grashus Highness,

Yore unworthy servant,
Buddy C. Longwhiskers

The Tower Hill Mob said...

Just got in from Maine,where I have been snowed in the past few days. Seems like the world collapsed in my absence( I keep telling you, it REALLY does revolve around me)!
Please don't go. Where else can I get knitting patterns for cats and celebrity updates?
Pass the Johnnie Black...

Kat Renee & Katie said...

"I am seeking laughter with a smidge of honesty and a healthy dash of fantasy, served on a silver platter of sanity."

my mommie iz like dat too.


I goez sleepi an da moneetur now.
bye bye.

Katie Ann Kitty Too.

Socks, Abby and Blackie said...

I missed the whole thing, but Mom doesnt let us on the computer that often. Mom is so busy with the fosters that she doesnt get to do alot of reading. I hope that you can find some reading worth reading.

Dragonheart said...

Kukka-Maria, I am very glad you are continuing to blog. Whenever I visit your blog, I always laugh or smile or grin. You have a great sense of humour!

The ballot-stuffing did get out of hand. I know I participated in it, but only once I saw others had already started doing so. Yes, I did start posting votes from all my family members, but only after others had already started doing so.

I hope I am not one of those you mention breaking up with.

I really enjoy reading your blog and I'm glad you will be continuing to share your sense of humour with us.

Dragonheart & his human Caylynn

One of us said...

Dear Kukka, We still don't know what in the (pardon our Frenchese) @##$@ went on. Oh well *sigh* it all went right on by and we missed it.....again. ~Poiland Tribe

DaisyMae Maus said...

Kukka ... Amen to all of that.
Your obedient borderline-crazy feline,

K T Cat said...

It's the tuna mines for the lot of them!