Tuesday, April 24, 2007

The Incredible Bulk

Grrrrrrrrr...Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Last night, the bedroom closet door was open, clearly inviting me in to explore. Inside, I found a gaggle of shoes, a tie-dyed cotton dress I had successfully torn off the hanger two days earlier, and several boxes. As I rummaged around, knocking things off shelves and otherwise causing mayhem, I heard a noise.

The closet door was shutting!

"My Agent must not know I'm in here," I thought to myself as I watched the door slid closed.

She left the door open a crack and, as I peered through the inch-wide gap, I saw her looking at me and smiling.

"Kukka! Where aaaaaaaare you?" she sang, her voice lilting, though drenched in sarcasm.

In stealth mode, I crouched and stared out of the closet. This was undoubtedly turning into a battle of wills. And I always win.

"Kuuuuuuuukka! Come heeeeeeere!" she called. Though she was trying so hard to pretend she didn't know I was in the closet, 2 feet in front of her, the snide grin on her face and the impish look in her eyes gave her away.

"Two can play this game," I thought, flicking a sandal across the closet.

She sat down on her bed. Could she have been defeated this easily?

"Kuuuuukka-Mariiiiiiiia," she crooned. I gasped as her hand lifted from the bed and she started wiggling her fingers in a motion only used to scratch a feline scalp. Wiggling...wiggling. UGH! The agony of seeing twitching fingers without a home was agonizing.

I slipped my paw through the gap and tried opening the door. It wouldn't budge. I whimpered and whined as I used all of the strength I could muster to slide the door. It wouldn't budge.

10 seconds. 20 seconds. The fingers waggled, my Agent maliciously grinned and my temper began rising. 30 seconds turned into 40 seconds. THIS WAS EXCRUCIATING!

Suddenly, I felt a warmth come over my body. The blood coursed through my veins at stupefying speeds and my muscles began bulging. My whimpers turned to grunts and my whines became snarls.

I was becoming a menacing, omnipotent force with which to be reckoned!

My Agent's eyes bulged as she sensed my powerful presence behind the door and she trembled as she watched me slide it open as easily as I would flick a toy mouse.

Her fingers froze in mid-air as I exited the closet, rose up on my hind legs and flexed my ceps (bi and tri). I leapt onto the bed and shoved my head under her suspended hand.

"Wow, Kukka! That was incredible!"

"That's why they call me The Incredible Bulk, ma'am," I responded, flopping over on my side to allow full-access to my belly.

I think I taught her a lesson about locking me in the closet and taunting me with ear scritches that are just out of reach! I have to say, though, she wasn't too happy about the green make-up all over her comforter.

She had better get over it, or she can deal with...THE INCREDIBLE BULK!


Zeus said...

Does this mean you are coming out with the fact that you have been genetically altered, implying that you originally, you were NOT super-sexy?

I'm just curious...

Renee said...

So are you still green and angry or did you calm down yet?

Simba said...

Golly, Kukka, I can't decide whether I think the green color is becoming or not.

The Meezers said...

that green is -inneresting. you is a sooper hero fough, and sooper-heros is sooper sexy!

Kim and Oscar the Puppy Cat said...

Hmmm, still mulling over the green. Your strength and beauty have me in awe!

Carmen said...

Those ear scritches will get you EVERY TIME!

At least you didn't get bitten by a radio-active spider in that closet.

The Crew said...

Amazing, Kukka! I truly believe there is no end to your powers.

Cheysuli said...

Zeus has an interesting question Kukka. I would also like to ask, when you are green and strong, do you still have your super sexiness powers?

Kukka-Maria said...

Of course I've ALWAYS been super-sexy! When I become "The Bulk," my super-sexiness is just amplified (as if we all thought that was possible...).

Just look at the photo! Can you STAND how super-sexy I look?