Friday, April 20, 2007

Kukka-fied Stories, Volume I

I'm hungover from my fort-warming party, so I'm going to post something easy. My Agent asked me to fill in a word list and she would fill in a story she found that one time...at this one site...on this thing she calls "The Interweb."

Whatever. Fill in words? I can do that. On your way out, can you leave some aspirin and a fresh cosmo?


Love Letter

Dear Kukka-Maria,

I lay awake all mid-afternoon thinking of you, your sinister smile, and our tryst at the grocery store. Constipatedly, I recall our meeting, how my heart waddled with arrogance when I first saw you. How super-sexy you looked in that red bustier and those foxy edible panties on your vertically-pupiled eyes!

I cherished every moment we were together and was smarmy when our date came to a close. I can't say how sexily I regret spilling vodka tonic on your booty; you were ecstatic about it, however, for which I am grateful. You are so beautiful when you're ecstatic.

You're drunk most other times. Your eyes are like deep pools of urine, warmed in the moonlight. Your cheeks are as rosy as multiple nipples. Your lips are like succulent slices of ham. Your hair is yellow like a kitty on a summer's day. Your hind-quarters are two ginormous cylindrical balls of ego.

I can't wait to fart with you again. Write soon!

Stealthily,
Brad Pitt

6 comments:

The Meezers said...

ohhhhhhhhhh if he has lips like ham i might be in love wif him too! - Miles

K T Cat said...

Stop it! You're killing me!

DaisyMae Maus said...

Celebrity Mad-Libs? The Super-Special Feline Empress version? Color me intrigued ...
DMM

Karen Jo said...

That's pretty funny, Kukka. I like it a lot.

Renee said...

I remember as a child doing Mad-Libs with dirty words...we were very bad kids! Now DD does them with good words. It will be interesting to see (if I get the chance to catch her) if she takes after her mother.

at my mom's house we played monopoly and found some of the fake money we had added to the game...larger bills with naked human body parts on it...had to throw those away before DD saw them. My past coming to haunt me again.

The Crew said...

Are you SURE this came from Brad Pitt? We thought he adored you but this letter seems a little snarky for a guy who professes undying love for you!