Monday, May 28, 2007

Open Letter to Brush from Brach, wherein he admits his undying love and addresses rumors of cheating with another bristled being.

Dear Prettiest Brush in the Entire World,

What a tumultuous relationship we have shared over the years! But through it all, Brush, we've come through a stronger and more secure couple. Don't you think?

When I first met you, it was love at first stroke. When our Agent introduced us, Kukka took one sniff, whipped herself around and pranced away. She wanted nothing to do with you.

Oh, but not me. I knew I needed to have you. I nibbled at first, do you remember? I bit gently on the edge of your bristles until my Agent yanked you away from me, worried I was going to cut my gums with my aggressive kisses. I'll never forget how you and I laughed at that! To think that either of us would do anything to harm the other? That is just crazy talk!

I'll never forget the day you disappeared. We looked for you everywhere! I figured, if you had taken off for good, I would have received a "Dear John Brach..." letter. Alas, I did not. After a hunt led by me, but actually hunted by my Agent, we couldn't find you. I searched beneath the chair-and-a-half, on top of the spare bed...everywhere we used to love to be together. Kukka claims she saw you lying behind the clothes dryer, but I don't put too much merit in that story. She's a fussy, jealous crank. No matter how hard I tried, I could not locate you, so I spent days in my loft, sleeping and crying and sleeping and wailing and sleeping while sobbing. Those were terrible times.

Remember when you came back, though? My Agent had found you somewhere outside the house. She explained to me, as she removed you from the shopping bag and from your plastic case, that you had undergone some dramatic cosmetic surgery and did not look like you did before. Brush, while you were beautiful before your disappearance, you were a knock-out after! I immediately greeted you with a tongue kiss and some biting. Your delightful squeals made it clear to me you would never leave me again.

Why do I love you so, Brush? The reasons out-number the stars. I love you because you are tender; you stroke my fur lovingly and never cause skin irritation. I love you because you are attentive; you diligently cover every square inch of my body with your bristly lovin'. I love you because your handle is red, and red is the color of passion. And I love you because you're mine; Kukka has no interest in you (what a rarity), so I don't have to worry about finding you in her arms.

What's that, Brush? A CHEATER? ME?! Wait. Darling, please let me explain!

I did have a relationship with a bristly broad before. It lasted a few weeks, but then I found you! Yes, she was a bit taller and yes, she had beautiful black hair--NO, BABY! I'm not making any sort of snide remark about your gray bristles! You're a silver fox, doll! Honey...sweetie...stop now...

Listen. I didn't have virgin fur when you found me--you knew that. You can not blame a 7.75 yr old tomcat for receiving caresses from humans, cats or other brushes before you met him. I'm not made of wood, darling.

No matter our past, I know our future. It is you and me forever, Brush...if you'll have me.

Always yours,
Brach

9 comments:

Cheysuli said...

I'm kind of liking the black brush Brach... not quite as much as you but it does look like fun...

The Crew said...

Brach, I don't think there's a woman, uh...I mean brush, alive that could resist such a passionate letter. It's true love no doubt, and since Kukka has no interest in her, she'll belong only to you.

George

The Meezers said...

does this mean you love Brush more than your wife?

Renee said...

I think that brush will forgive you Brach!

re: kitten...we were kitten sitting, she's not ours. Sigh! And re: the yarn...she's been very good about not eating the yarn. I found some on the floor that looked like it might have come from the long strand that DD is playing with...but she didn't chew it (there were knots in either end)...the yarn came from the pom-poms on her cat tower.

Bridgett @ Furry Logic said...

Dang, I have never recieved a love letter like that from a man or tomcat.

William said...

Brach, it definitely looks like true love to me.

NOLADawn said...

Brach! You wouldn't love that brush more that Kukka would you???

Aloysius said...

Brush love is a little-known fetish, but one that I'm hooked on, too. Fortunately, there aren't any negative side effects.

K T Cat said...

What are those black hairs on that brush? Brach doesn't have any black hair. If you click on the first photo and look carefully you'll see them.