Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Pogovention

I'd blog more (and about more interesting things) if I could get on the computer once in awhile. My Agent seems to be developing this issue I like to call "You're Addicted To Pogo.com, Bitch!"

She joined Pogo.com in October, at the insistence of a good friend. "You'll love it," the friend giggled. "It's games and fun and you get to meet and chat with cool people!"

I think that was the last time I saw my Agent without the notebook computer permanently affixed to her lap.

Here is a typical evening at my house:
Me: "Agent! Listen up!"

She: (Not looking away from her screen and delivering the following with a tone that I consider inappropriate, if not downright offensive) "What is it you need, Kukka!? Unless the house is on fire, go lay down!"

Me: "Um...HELLO!? The litter box has not been scooped in days. My food bowl only has about 1/2 cup in there. And Brach? Brach has permanently parked himself in the shower, licking the faucet. He needs serious help, Agent."

She: (Clicking furiously with the mouse and mumbling) "Well, I don't know what to tell you. Can't you just take care of...YES! I HAD A 1,000 TOKEN JACKPOT SPIN!"

Me: "AGENT! LISTEN TO ME NOW AND HEAR ME LATER: YOU NEED TO LIFT YOUR LADY BUSINESS OFF THAT DAMN COUCH AND TEND TO YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES! EAR SCRITCHES AND BELLY RUBS DON'T JUST HAPPEN ON THEIR OWN, SKANK!"
As you can see, we were in need of a Pogovention. I arranged for the A&E TV crew from "Intervention" to come to my home and help us address my Agent. So she didn't suspect anything, she was told she was participating in a documentary on Pogo and its most super-sexy players.

I still can not believe she bought that! Like she is super-sexy?

As my Agent thought she was arriving to participate in her final interview for the "documentary," play one final game of Dice City Roller for the cameras, and show of her mini's new outfit (the customizable miniature version of my Agent that she believes looks just like her, while I'm of the opinion her mini has far more superior abs), she walked into a room full of people and cats who love her.

Okay, well, Brach and I were there, at least.

She: "What the hell is going on?"

Me: "Agent, this is a Pogovention. We are here today because we love you and want you to stop playing Pogo so much. Brach, will you read your letter first?"

He: "Dear Agent. When you play Pogo so much, it makes me sad..."

She: "Um, Brach? Don't you sleep all evening long?"

He: "Yes, I sleep through most of it, but in my heart I still feel sad."

She: "And, Brach? How often do you ask to be petted or want me to play with you?"

He: "Well, yes. I'm sort of independent, but that shouldn't mat..."

She: "And, Brach? Aren't you lacking the balls required to even bring this up to me?"

He: "Um...er...FINE! Kukka put me up to it. I didn't even KNOW you had a computer!"

Me: "I guess it's my turn, then. Dear Agent..."

She: (Sighing loudly for dramatic effect) "Is this really necessary?"

Me: "Shut it...now listen. Dear Agent. Once upon a time, you were a fun roommate. You used to spend hours rubbing my belly and scratching under my chin. Although reluctantly, you used to scoop every other day at a minimum and make sure we had clean water an kibble as far as the eyes can see. Lately, though, you have been playing on the computer way too much. I've noticed your bloodshot eyes, disheveled hair and drool dripping down your chin from excessive mouth-breathing as you concentrate. I've noticed the computer is less available to me for blogging and visiting other blogs...and that is unacceptable. Agent, will you accept the help that is being offered to you today?"

She: "What is the help?"

Me: "We've arranged for you to go far, far away for a long time to receive treatment for your Pogo addiction. While you are gone, I'm the boss, right? I mean, I'm the boss of everything. Right?"

She: "I'm pretty sure I have this under control, Kukka."

Me: "Says the lady with a keyboard print on her face because she fell asleep at her computer early this morning..."

She: "I'm not going. You are not the boss of me. I don't have a problem and if you mention it again, I will have you euthanized!"

Me: "How. Dare. You. Euthanized? You know my fur is tongue-clean only!"

She: "I give up. What will it take to make this conversation go away?"

Me: "Treats. And keep 'em coming."

She: "Kukka, this is a Snackervention. We are here today because we love you and want you to stop eating so many treats. Brach, will you read your letter first?"

Me: "Shit..."

I know I haven't been able to visit my friends as much as I have and I miss that. I will continue trying to help her help herself, but I have to admit: When treats are at stake, my motto is and has always been "Live and let live!"

11 comments:

The Meezers said...

oh great NOW we find out that there is a pogovention. Why should I give a crap that she has 2 million freaking tokens? why should I care that that stupid fairy godmother download game also gives her mega pogo tokens? Oh, and Dice City Roller? She can play that for DAYS on end. and Poppazoppa too. WE HATE POGO. - Miles

Zeus said...

There's quite a bit of that going around. Why must they make these games so inviting for humans? Personally, if someone could tell me what the badges are *really* for, I might be able to convince my own pet to get off of it then.

Carmen said...

"get your lady parts up off that chair" ha ha. Kukka, you have such a way with words.

Aloysius said...

Kukka, I sure hope you take back the computer soon, so you can write more stuff like this.

Cheysuli said...

Kukka, I'm sure this is a phase and the pogo thing will die...

The Crew said...

Poor Kukka & Brach. You did your best, but if she won't even admit she has a "problem".... Do you think professional help should be called in?

NOLADawn said...

Kukka, at least you and Brach did your best. You need to just keep working on that sleeping on the keyboard tactic... then you'll have more time to have the agent write more posts for you!

K T Cat said...

Personally, I would never be caught dead wasting my time playing pogo. It would take time away from Runescape, Star Wars: Battlefront and Age of Empires. :-)

The Meezers said...

Kukka Kukka, wherefore art though Kukka? ::SIGH:: - a whole day wif no post from Kukka!!

wait......... what poot frough yonder window breaks?? oh, that was me. nefurrmind.

I will just sit here and dream of you for now. - Miles

Karen Jo said...

It sounds like you have a real problem, Kukka. I can understand it, though. I have games that I like to play, though I haven't played any of them very much lately. I spend most of my computer time blogging now.

Sparky Duck said...

my question is which game is the agent addicted too. Our house seems hung up on Lottso