Friday, May 11, 2007

God Save the Queen

My Agent's quite sad today. Her eyes are weepy and she's doing a great deal of sniffling. Her face is puffy and her hair looks like it's seen better days (but I don't think that has anything to do with it).

I tried snuggling, but she moans, wails and cries. I tried licking her eye lids, but she swore at me and shoved me away (I know, right!? What could she be thinking?). I thought, when she curled into the fetal position and sobbed, there would be plenty of room for me to spoon with her, but she nixed that pretty quickly.

Let's recap the symptoms:

  • Weepy eyes
  • Sniffling
  • Puffy face
  • Bad Hair (not related symptom)
  • Moaning
  • Wailing
  • Crying
  • Resisting eye lid licks
  • Curling into the fetal position, sobbing
  • No desire to spoon

There are several theories as to what is ailing this woman:

  • Brach believes it's a Sinus Infection (which would explain the green squirrels she's been blowing into tissues all over the house).
  • I can identify a broken heart ANYWHERE! (Not because I've ever HAD one, but because there is a wake of them in the river of my love life).
  • Some of My Agent's MALE friends were quick to blame something called "PMS," but that just made her scream like a banshee and throw things. I'm making an executive decision to rule that diagnosis out!
  • Brach and I both agree that, no matter what the official diagnosis, the symptom we're the most concerned about is: Perpetual Litterbox Neglect.

We need her out of this slump! Not only is she slow to distribute treats, she is taking up most of the couch and relegating us to far less comfortable sleeping spots!

What do you think it could be?

What can we do to help her (get more treats in our stomachs)?


The Crew said...

This is indeed a puzzle, Kukka. Since you've already eliminated PMS or a shattered love affair, let us consider some other possibilities.

1. If it is due to illness, instead of a mere sinus infection easily treated with antibiotics, doesn't "African Nile Fever" sound more dramatic and rate a headline news release for you?

2. Kitten envy. Every spring cat people experience cute overload symptoms while pining away for a new kitten. Did she already get one and is afraid to tell you?

3. You got a new penthouuse apartment, but could your Agent need an extreme bedroom makeover? BTW is that your pink silk "licking shade" in the background?

4. Have your many lovers been harassing the Agent pleading with her to schedule an appointment for a few moments of your time?

5. She's upset about your BFF PH going to jail?

6. Your other BFF BS and her kids are coming to live with you?

7. As a last resort, call your sometimes BFF OW and drag the Agent with you for an appearance on her show. O will forget your feud momentarily if it increases her ratings and the audience will cheer wildly as the Agent reveals her innermost secrets.

Let me know if I can be of any more help, dear.


Renee said...

I think you should call for a town car (no this doesn't rank a limo or ambulance) to take you agent directly to her V-E-T.
There this problem can be sorted out and she can be fixed.

In the mean time call MerryMaids for them to send someone to clean the litterbox and if you're nice to that person, you might also get some treats.

Kaze, Latte, or Chase said...

I think George raised some great options!


Cheysuli said...

Yes George is a brilliant strategist. I think it's worth listening to him

Have you considered calling in an intervention?

Could loosing at pogo have caused this?

Has she lost the money for your treats gambling and now feels worthless?

The Crew said...

Ahh, excellent, Chey! I never considered gambling losses. If that's the case, MerryMaids would be out since I think they charge for litterbox cleaning.


NOLADawn said...

Hmmm, I think Pogo is definitely involved!
That, or a sinus infection :)

mcabty said...

Sounds like she just needs some space. All you can really do is be there for her. Maybe in time she'll want to talk. My heart goes out to Agent, no matter what the cause, because we've all been there for one reason or another. Maybe she needs the treats this time around (chocolate perhaps?).

Anonymous said...

I think I've figured it out. She's completely humiliated by the behaviour of our esteemed Commander-in-Chief during the recent visit of a certain royal person. Hence the title "God Save the Queen".

Anonymouse said...

Does she have a secret crush on Tony Blair? Is she so sad because he is stepping down as Prime Minister?

Or is it some other guy who has broken her heart? If so, good riddance to bad rubish!

The Meezers said...

hey! Blogger eated my comment from this morning? rats.

i fink it's maybe a broken heart. Keep trying to snuggle her Kukka - kitty purrs help lots. and get you more treats. - Miles

Derby said...

Lots of kitties have gone to the Bridge lately. Is it delayed grief?

DaisyMae Maus said...

Well, I can rule out one thing unequivocally: She's not allergic to cats!

DaisyMae Maus said...

Is it 'cuz "Gilmore Girls" is gettin' cancelled? Is it 'cuz of season finales which means no good television until almost OCTOBER?

DaisyMae Maus said...

Was it residual fumes from your (and Brach's) fart-fest?

K T Cat said...

Wow, did I pick a bad time to tag you with a meme or what?

On second thought, maybe I didn't. I'm tagging you with this meme because I really like you and care about you. I find your posts very funny and charming. I really appreciate the kind things you've said to me. They show a warm and caring heart.

So tag, Kukka, you're it.

Hot(M)BC said...

I think the green stuff in the tissues is kind of key. You should check for aliens in her sinuses. Make Brach do it. It might be kind of dangerous.
~~ Gree

William said...

It's because Sanjaya is gone!

Zeus said...

Is this the appropriate time to point out that your Agent is HAWT even when she cries?!?!

I hope that wasn't too gay of me, but goodness - that photo had me at hello!

I think you just need to lay her down on the bed, jump on her tummy a few times, and then head butt her square in the forehead. When she screams at you and rushes to swat, cheer loudly: She's forgotten completely about being sad! ;)