Thursday, May 24, 2007
What's That Again?
I just found out I didn't win American Idol! What the...HUH?!
I didn't even post yesterday because I was leading a letter-writing campaign to vote for myself. Granted, the participants in the campaign were few: Brad Pitt, My Agent, Brach (who kept falling asleep) and that bitch-face, Oprah (who kept saying she thought my name was spelled "J...O...R...D...I...N...").
Now, this morning, I find out they were only accepting votes via the telephone. What gives, American Idol? Have you no respect for the art of long-hand letter writing?
Clearly this competition was not based on foxiness, super-sexiness or multiple nipples. I resent the fact I was robbed of my just recognition as the idol of all peoples American (including, of course, those of the Central and Southern variety).
I declare a secret fight on Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson (what up, dawg), Ryan Seacrest, and Paula Abdul.
By the way, Paula, if you wanted a nose job you didn't have to pretend to "break" it so you could justify going under the knife. Plus, you don't seem to need an excuse to be hopped up on pain killers.
I'm just sayin'.