Monday, March 31, 2008

Pen in the Paw Again?

Associated Press (AP): After pulling the plug on a hugely successful blogging career and fading into obscurity for an unexplained 9-months, rumors are swirling about a possible return for prominent feline celebutante, Empress Kukka-Maria. Fans, friends, former friends, and celebrity enemies all seem to have their own Kukka theories.

"I totally saw Kukka at a club just last night! She looked like she had been ridden hard and put away wet! From her worn-out, used-up appearance, she might need 9 more months of beauty rest, if you ask me," dished Paris Hilton, rolling her eyes. Listening intently to the whispering of her publicist, Ms. Hilton then corrected herself. "Oopsie! I've just been informed that was a mirror."

"Y'all...Kukka and I are like twins, separated at birth. Only she's hairy. And has a tail. And I think her teeth are sharper. But we both have boobs that are discussed around water coolers everywhere! Hers, because they are super-sexy and number in the squillions. Mine, because they're implants I deny," mused a clearly medicated Britney Spears, in a stunningly horrific British/Southern accent hybrid. "We both needed a break from the public eye and handled our time out of the spotlight with grace and class. She stopped writing and commenting. I shaved my head, beat a car with an umbrella, and stopped wearing panties. TWINS, I TELL YOU!"

After countless attempts at getting Empress Kukka-Maria to speak about her hiatus and getting nothing but hisses and dizzying flatulence, her Agent finally offered a brief comment.

"I can not discuss how and where The Empess has spent the last 9 months. I can confirm, however, she will be returning to posting on April 1, 2008. No further comment, at this time."

It is hoped Empress Kukka-Maria will dispel the many rumors that surround her sudden disappearance, but how she chooses to address this remains to be seen. Perhaps we will never truly know this feline riddle...wrapped in a mystery...tucked, neatly inside an enigma.

30 comments:

Camie's Kitties said...

Welcome back Kukka. You were missed by your legions of fans. We can't wait to find out what you have been up to.

Tiki, Tavi, Cody and Camie

PS - We are new to blogging since you left, but we read your blog long before.

Dragonheart & Merlin said...

Welcome back Kukka! :) I can't wait to read your posts again, and, when he's old enough, I'll introduce my little brother, Merlin, to your blog. He's still a kitten, so I think I'll wait a bit before I let him read everything you write. ;)

Good to have you returning to the Blogosphere! :)

Dragonheart

The Meezers said...

oh oh oh. wait. April 1. oh please don't tell me this is a April Fool's thing Kukka. Miles would come unhinged. (he's 98% of the way there right now for various reasons). We is glad that you is back Kukka dahling. - Sammy

Name: Mr. Hendrix said...

Welcome back Kukka! I love a good mystery...I can't wait to find out what you've been up to!

Fat Eric said...

Hi Kukka! I hope you really are coming back and it's not just an April Fool!
How is my ginger buddy Brach?

Carmen said...

I heard the rumors, and I had to see for myself. Kukka had been spotted by the papparizi! Or was it Pop Fiction?

I am back from haitus, too. Maybe we can talk about our nose jo. . . I mean "vacations"

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Hmm, 9 months is long enuff for a human to have a kitten and when pregnant 9 months can seem like a VERY long time. Not as long as it seems to have been since you last posted...sure hope your not pulling an April fools joke on us!

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Ah thank heavens that you are back and can take the heat from the press for awhile. This election thing is getting ugly.

Artsy Catsy said...

Hmm, Kukka, if this is an April Fool's prank I might have to come over there and beat your car with an umbrella. Please say it isn't!

Rocky

HRH Yao-Lin said...

Kukka I wait with anticipation for your next post. I am desperate to hear about your adventures over the last nine months! I would hazard a guess and say that you were pregnant BUT I believe that a cat's gestational period is somewhat less than a human? I'm not entirely sure though.

x

Parker said...

This rocks. It just rocks...

Monty Q. Kat said...

Are the rumors true?

...there aren't any spots available in the harem, are there? :)

The Crew said...

Well my dear, I see the Mancats are already lining up for interviews!

Trust me on this...Monty is a good guy.

George

Eric and Flynn said...

Hmmm we wuz wondering like some others about April Fools Day. You wouldn't......would you?

Kimo & Sabi said...

Woooo hoooo! Time fer a PAR-TAY! Break out da nip-tinis!

DaisyMae Maus said...

Hey, Kukka! I hope that this isn't a publicity stunt wrapped around an April Fool's Day hoax ... You wouldn't do that to your fans, would you?!? Miles Meezer would be absolutely CRUSHED.

I mentioned your name an' Lucky Charmz started hyperventilating ... He's gotten out his clippers so that he can buzz off the fur that's grown over the "I HEART Kukka" tattoo on his tummy.

DMM

Derby said...

You better not be pulling our tails here Kukka and fooling us. I hopes you are back for good. We have missed you.

The Meezers said...

see, more tomcats are trying to claw their way in! MontyQ and LuckyCharmz would be AWSOME tomcats!!!

Miles

Angus said...

Sweetheart! You look mahvelous! Let me just nuzzle you a little there, and there, and there and...(whoops, where's Delilah?)

THE ZOO said...

yaah Kukka wes glad yoo, Brach Lee and yur servent is back. yoos a celebracat here in owr buck. we luf to read yur foughts.

Kaze, Latte, & Chase said...

Kukka!!!!!!!!!! Oh I can't tell you how glad I am to hear you are back. Of course at the moment my Woman SUCKS at helping me get around to blogs but I'm so excited!

Chase

Henry Helton said...

You've pulled a Garth Brooks on us! Cool!!!

Samantha & Tigger said...

We are excited, too! We were pretty new when you left but we have read your blog to catch up!
Your FL furiends,

Renee said...

so you've had some work done I hear. I hope that your recovery went well and you'll still be as super sexy as ever. I can't wait to get all the dish on your latest squeeze.

Sparky Fuzzypants said...

Koooooooo-kuuuuuuuuuuhhh! Alrighty! Can't wait to see if you're here to say or just leadin' us on. Any vacancies in the Tomcat Stable?
Sparky Fuzzypants

Black Cat said...

I'm intrigued... Let's all watch this space. Don't be Fooling us now Kukka:) xxx

Chairman Mao said...

kool beanies! We Ballicai (me and my bruther and sisturs) are ecksited!

Kittyhugs and purrs from MaoMao.

DEBRA said...

Hiya Kukka

Welcome back. We sure hope that are not foolin us...we got to knoos what yu have been up to furr the last few months...

purrs
Abby

Finnegan & Buddy said...

Miss Kukka! Miss Kukka! It's April 1 and we are wating to heer wat you haf to tell us. We've missed you soooooo much and owr new little sisfur wants to be just like you!

Love & purrs,
Finny Buddy & Jasmine

The Meezers said...

I's just checking in to see what Kukka has to say. ::SIGH:: -i'll be back later

your ever loyal Poosie