Friday, May 23, 2008

Furry Multiple Nipples BE GONE!

It's bikini season and, let's be nether-region fur is a bit out-of-control! Because I had such a bad experience when I tried hot-waxing my fur the last time, I've been desperate for a waxing alternative.

Imagine my surprise and delight when The Agent got a piece of paper from the kitchen drawer to run over her bamboo knitting needles to make them slippery. The paper? WAX PAPER!

I waited until she had placed the wax paper on the table, then made my move. I painstakingly flicked at it with my paw until it floated to the floor, then sprung to retrieve it. Pausing several times along the way from sheer exhaustion, I dragged the massive sheet into the living room where I pawed at it for about 5 minutes. This step was, in part, to activate the wax (in theory), as well as annoy the beejayzus out of The Agent.

Convinced the paper was primed, I flopped my multiple, hairy nipples on the paper and waited.

And waited.

And fell asleep for awhile.

And waited some more. In fact, I lounged on that paper through the entire Ugly Betty season finale!

I called Brach over to inspect my belly as I rose from the paper and could tell, from the look on his face, I was just as furry as when I had started. Apparently, wax paper does not remove hair after all! My theory, as well as my subsequent imaginary interweb business through which I bilk millions of Americans of their stimulus checks by selling sheets of wax paper for the purpose of hair removal, was kaput.

I still plan to nap on the wax paper, nonetheless. It's smooth on my belly and makes my nipple hair slippery, which makes me giggle.

Don't judge me!


The Meezers said...

slippery nipple hair. I wonder if I can get mommy to go into a bar and ask the bartender to make her one. Can you imagine? "Hey bartender, let me have a few slippery nipple hairs"> HAR HAR HAR. that would be awesome.

oh, and sorry the wax paper didn't work out well. wanna know how to have REAL fun with wax paper? Take a big ol sheet of it to a playground and put it under some kids while they're going down the slide. after the 3rd or 4th one, they'll start flying off the end.
wait, that might get your agent arrested. Mommy used to do it when she was like 8, and a couple of times at the nursery school she used to teach at, but that was approved by the owner. otherwise, yeah, she'd get arrested.

Kukka-Maria said...

"Ma' many slippery nipple hairs have you had tonight? Should you really be driving?"

"That one, at the end of the bar, she needs to be cut off. She's been tossing back the slippery nipple hairs like nobody's business!"

"I'll have a slippery nipple hair on the rocks...and make it extra slippery, won't you?"

Meezer Mom, again you have me laughing for the rest of the day!

Renee said...

lol! I guess that slipper nipple hair can go with the fuzzy navel!

I'm so glad you told me that the wax paper doesn't work for hair removal, cuz I was about to try that.

oh and the new Veet Rasera stuff won't come out of the can! I need to send that garbage back.

The Crew said...

I thought I had all the bases covered, but I believe you've discovered a new form of relaxation, Kukka.

Next time Mom opens the drawer to get some plastic wrap or foil, I must sneak a peek and see if there's any wax paper in there!


Kaze, Latte, & Chase said...

I guess I should watch out because I could see myself taking a nap on some paper like this!


Renee said...

any comments?

Kukka-Maria said...

That is BLASPHEMY, Renee! I must address this one next week.

Anonymous said...

Kukka, in the past 2 posts' pictures you really look like you have slimmed down. Or is your agent Photoshopping the pictures?

Kukka-Maria said...

Oh, Anonymous...are you trying to hit on me? KEEP IT UP! I have NOT slimmed down. I remain a firm 12-13 lbs, depending on whether or not I'm retaining water.

I heart you for suggesting it, though!

DaisyMae Maus said...

Back to the drawing board, Kukka.

Cheysuli and gemini said...

While I can sympathize with your plight, I am not sure I'd have wanted to have all my nipple hair removed quite like that OUCH!!!!

Derby said...

(((Hugs))) it is the Holiday of Hugs for Bonnie.Pass it on.

Tippymarie said...

Ok, I have to unlurk for this one. I have been stalking, uh, I mean, enjoying your insights for a while. Slippery nipple hair, oh lordy. My boss Diva would be so jealous.


OneTeam said...

Kukka - you must comment on Clay Aiken becoming someone's baby-daddy. Are you thrilled? Enraged? Vindicated?