Friday, May 16, 2008

Things I Wanted to Say to "Anonymous" After Reading His Whiny Comment on my Recent Clay Aiken Post, but Couldn't...Because He Dumped and Ran

Where to begin? Where to begin...
  • When you Googled "I want to kiss Clay Aiken's weiner," did it ever occur to you that you might not find a fan site? I'm not sure how new you are to the "interweb," but the it's filled with sites that are...hold onto your hat...SATIRICAL! Google that!

  • If you actually read the post (instead of just looking at the pretty pictures), you would have seen me encourage Clay to be comfortable with his gayness, instead of taking the tragic road of Monsieur Jackson! How is that mean again? In my world, cheering someone on to be the most free and natural version of themselves is not being mean; it's called "being a friend."

  • What do you have against other American Idols? I see you jumped to Clay's defense, but left the snarky comment I made about Justin Guarini alone. What gives? Do you not heart him as much because you know he wouldn't put out or is it the undeniable, raw sexuality that comes through Clay's freckles and effeminate, southern lisp that make your junk quiver? I think you're mean for choosing one American Idol over another. For the record: I loathe them all equally!

  • I see you spent an entire 1 minute and 36 seconds on my blog (53 seconds of which were probably used to spell-check your comment, pat yourself on the back for your "bravery," and tongue-kiss a poster of SeƱor Aiken). Had you taken a moment to do your research, you would have found I am an EQUAL-OPPORTUNITY SNARK. I have spent hours upon hours criticizing the likes of Tom Cruise, Oprah Winfrey, Star Jones-Reynolds, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears...the list goes on and on! You don't see their fans curled in a corner, embracing a jar of their tears!

  • I think it's cute you lost sight of your nutsack in the moment and hid behind the name "Anonymous." Yawn. I would have respected you more, had you even tried to be clever in your writing as your CAT, for eff's sake!

  • In some circles, Bea Arthur is considered MAD-sexy and one would consider it an honor to have her image as the projection of their future self. I don't know where these circles are, but I'm sure they exist!

  • Your advice to me and my commenters was so compelling! "Get a life." Seriously? Hello, Kettle? It's me,'re black.

I'm sad you missed the point of that post, Anonymous:
"Feel free to be your true-self and celebrate the natural you...before you spend your whole life trying to fit into the false mold of others' expectations and stifling the shame and guilt you associate with the monster you believe yourself to be...and it comes out through horrific body mutilation and inappropriate attraction to small boys."

I do hope you return and bring all your Claymate friends with you to harangue me. Maybe we can do one another's hair, listen to Clay's new release, and sew some fierce outfits for you to wear to the next Aiken concert...or gay pride parade!

Or, are they one in the same?


The Crew said...

Perhaps "Anonymous" should find out a little more about Clay "really nice" guy" Aiken!!

'There's nothing worse to me than a house cat,'' Aiken told Rolling Stone. ''When I was about 16, I had a kitten and ran over it. Seeing that cat die, I actually think that its spirit has haunted me. I wasn't afraid of cats before. But now they scare me to death.'

Gay or not...nobody cares?! He's a freak who runs over cats to watch them die!! I don't call that "a really nice guy".

MeezerMom said...

Either anonymous is a freaky gay dude, or a 13 year old girl (and most 13 year old girls crush on gay dudes).
clay aiken is a FREAK. Anonymous, if you like cat killers and pansy-ass prima-donna talent show runners-up, you must be part of the freak parade!

YIKES!! I said a werd on my bad werd list!! HIDE ME KUKKA!!! - Miles
Wow, that nip I just inhaled is SERIOUSLY strong! - Miles

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Hmm.. maybe anonymous had an anonymous rendezvous with Clay?

indiana jayne said...

OMG, Kukka nails it again. Closeted celebrities are always weird and gross. Take for example, Lance Bass. In the closet? Hurl! Out of the closet? HOT! And I say this as a totally heterosexual thirtysisdkkd; (mumble mumble) year old woman. Get over it, Clay! Nobody cares where you put your penis.

DaisyMae Maus said...

Empress ... Thanks for saying what needs to be said. Quite frankly, Clay Aiken scares the crap outta me ... an' that's not good.

Stephanie said...

Yeah, OMG! Those UNICEF Ambassadors who start foundations to help fund activities for kids with special needs, they scare the HELL out of me! OMG, no one who does things like that could POSSIBLY ever be a nice guy! People who help other people are just terrifying FREAKS and we should all run and HIDE! HIDE, I SAY!!!

Piss off.

Kukka-Maria said...

At least Stephanie opined without hiding behind the ol' "Anonymous" moniker. I can respect that.

She also helped me realize just what it is that scares the HELL out of me about Angelina Jolie!

Pissing off now..