"BEEEEEEEEP! Oh, Kukka, you're so fiiiiiiiiine, you're so fine you blow my mind! Hey, Kukka!
"BEEEEEEEEP! Hello Auntie Kukka. I was calling to thank you for my birthday gift and to say...UGH! Okay. Daddy walked away. When are you coming to get me? This man is crazy! Every day he...shit! [whispered] He's back. Saaaaaaaaaaaaaave me! Please! BEEEEEEEEP!"
"BEEEEEEEEP! Yo, Diva. Sah dah tay! I've got a new crop of PRIMO catnip in and knew you'd want a cut. Call me and we'll...um...discuss it. Remember, don't call my phone. Page Tino, he'll let me know, and I'll call you from the pay phone down at the Quik-Mart. Tell your friends, Diva. This shit's awesome! BEEEEEEEEP!"
"BEEEEEEEEP! Hello, this is John McCain. My friend, Dick Cheney, and I are calling to speak to the registered feline voter of the home. We'd like to encourage you to vote Republican on November 4th in the year 2008 of our Lord. Who, by the way, is the bee's knees, if you happen to be a valued member of the Christian Right. Oh, horsefeathers, Dick! I meant to say 'groovy,' like the kids nowadays do! Never-you-mind. I am not sure if you're aware, but to inspire folks to come out and vote for me, on Election Day, I am putting every 5,000th registered Republican voter--who votes for me--into a swanky lottery-style drawing for a brand-new, hotsy-totsy EDSEL! That ain't no jalopy, my friend! So, don't be a wet blanket, pal o' mine! Don't let a palooka like Obama in the White House! Vote for the real McCoy...John McCain! And, in the meantime, if you have any clams you want to donate to my campaign, that'd be the berries!"
[Clearly, thinking he had hung up, but not hip to operating those new-fangled cell phones...] "Well, applesauce, Dick! How many more of these blasted calls do we need to make! I'm going to need a shot of hooch in a minute! Hey...who is that dolled-up dame? I would like to give it to her in the kisser...AND HOW! BEEEEEEEEP!"