Thursday, December 18, 2008

Idle Hands Make a Cheating Agent

So, without a laptop on which to blog, The Agent and I have had a lot of free time on our hands. I've filled my surplus with important activities, like...licking my lady business, napping, plucking the carpet, begging for snacks, bullying Brach out of his warm sleeping spots, admiring myself in the mirror, etc.

She, on the other hand, has filled her time with CHEATING ON ME!

I saw her get the yarn out and knit. I then saw smelled her filling little pouches with dry catnip.

CATNIP BISCUITS!!

So, while practically leaping out of my fur with excitement, I managed to calm myself and watch patiently as she took two finished catnip biscuits, stood up, walked toward me, placed them in a mailing envelope, and took them out the freakin' door!

WHAT?!

Of course, I confronted her and she denied, denied, denied. Blatant excuses that, with every "deny," became easier to accept as she coupled her words with ear scritches. (I'm not made of wood, people...)

She even went so far to tell me that I had dreamed the entire thing. Hey...it can happen! I have been known to do really odd things on asleep after taking Ambien (sleep-eating, sleep-farting, sleep-making crank phone calls to Tom Cruise, etc.), so I thought she might right.

Well, guess what yours truly found today!

Exhibit A:
Felix. With a freakin' CATNIP BISCUIT!


Exhibit B:
Oscar. With...what the...ANOTHER CATNIP BISCUIT?!


Apparently, Ms. Benedict Arnold sent some delectable nuggets to our her Arizonian fur-ball friends, without my consent!

So, what have we learned about Agents with too much time on their hands? Apparently, they don't try to cleverly spin/adamantly deny the recent gossip about me pooping outside the litter box...or attempt to get me starring roles in major films!

Instead, they knit fragrant, hand-made-with-love toys for OTHER FREAKIN' CATS!

I'd give her the silent treatment, but wouldn't that be more of a reward?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

That cheating hussy!!!!

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Kukka Maria I think that is just rude...

The Meezers said...

she's a...........a.........biscuit 'ho!

The Crew said...

Now, just a minute here. I didn't see a word about Brach or more importantly, YOU, getting a 'nip biscuit. Did I miss that part!?

George

K T Cat said...

The betrayal is almost too much to bear! In spite of that horrible behavior, we'd like to wish you a very merry Christmas!

The Meezers said...

we hopes you hadded a great holiday!

Kimo and Sabi said...

Toss us some biscuits BABY! Our momma is a knitter too - and she can knit a mean nip toy!
Happy New Year 2009!

DaisyMae Maus said...

Oh, Empress ... That just sucks. Did your agent buy you some pawesome Yeowww! 'nip bananas to make up for it? Man, oh man. That's really not fair when OTHER CATS get cool stuff an' you don't get anything. I suggest puttin' the bitey on your agent until she makes with the thumbs an' knits YOU eleventy-squillion of those 'nip biscuits.
Happy 2009 ... Let's hope that your agent learns.
DMM

The Meezers said...

Happy New Year! we hopes you get the laptop fixed soon!