Monday, May 16, 2011

Canine Chaos

So, the Agent is staying with her parents for awhile and brought us from our castle to theirs last week. Remember when I spoke of Uncle Cooper? Remember that he is a DOG?!

The first night was pretty eventful. I, of course, dined from my dish as soon as I was released from the diamond-encrusted feline transporting device most commoners refer to as a "cat carrier." My husband, Brach, ran and hid under the spare room bed. Of course.

After exploring the digs upstairs and christening my litterbox with exceptional excrement, I decided to venture downstairs. As I pranced preciously down the 18k gold, winding staircase (kidding...we were not at home). As I lumbered down the berber covered stairs, I felt someone staring at me.

Now, you know I am not a stranger to stares of admiration. This, however, seemed more...intense. Acting as if I owned the place, I strolled across the living room and stared right back. He approached cautiously then stopped, with stumpy tail wagging foolishly.

I stared.

He stared.

I stared harder.

He started moving toward me again and was startled when I hissed at him. I have to say, I was more than pleased to see him jump and run the other way.

Unless he is useful in helping me obtain treats, I really don't see his purpose. He barks maniacally at the Fed Ex truck, the newspaper delivery girl, the furnace repairmen, and anyone he thinks is approaching the house (including people walking by).

Wait! He may have a purpose after all! I recently fired my body guard due to sexual harassment (he now has a restraining order against me, court date pending). Maybe this crazed and protective dog could take his place. Because he is my uncle, I love him but I'm not in love with him, so I think I can keep my paws off him

For now, I have demanded he be caged in my presence. I am not taking any chances until I know I am safe around him.

After all, I am still The Empress.


Elvin said...

I do not like the sound of this. If I'm reading this blog correctly, it sounds like Uncle Cooper dared to look you,the Empress, in the eye!

The Crew said...

Kukka, it's good to hear from you again and I see you haven't lost your edge.

As for Uncle Cooper, you may have found gainful employment for an otherwise stupid and useless species. A bodyguard could protect you from the crush of adoring fans, but I completely agree that he should be confined and only allowed out when you have need of his services.